The wife. The mommy. And everything in between.

Goal revisited: One Year Later

2010-10-27T07:39:00.001-07:00

Do you remember this post?? I had some goals to read before I turned 30. Here they are:

1. Lose 15-20 pounds. I'd like to start my 30's off on a good note. I dont think I could handle a double whammy.
2. Edit current MS and write another book
3. Find a part time job
4. Take the kids to Disney and pay CASH (why I listed #3!)
5. Crack down on our budget so we can save for retirement. If we actually have retirement money, I might look forward to it a little more!
6. Start an IRA for myself and contribute the maximum amount
7. do something totally wild and crazy (by my standards)
8. Create an author website.
9. Find friends who GET me. No fluff. I want the down and dirty, what you see is what you get kinda friends.
10. Make a long-term plan for my life that I can be excited about.

So, one year later, here is the update.

1. SOMEWHAT DONE: I lost the 15-20 Overall, I lost about 30 pounds. Unfortunately, I'm only 10 pounds less than when I wrote last years post. :o/ But, I guess 10 pounds is 10 pounds, right?
2. DONE: Edited current MS and wrote another book entitled Lucky for Her.
3. DONE: Found a part time job. I'm now a freelance editor and work from home. Money isn't half bad.
4. SOMEWHAT DONE: Took the kids to Disney. Unfortunately, we didn't pay cash. Grrr.
5. BUSTED: Did not crack down on budget.
6. BUSTED: Did not start an IRA, nor did I contribute the maximum amount.
7. BUSTED: Did not do something wild and crazy. Oh well. I might not have lived to see 30 if I had.
8. DONE: I now have an author website: www.stephanietaylorauthor.com
9. DONE: Found a friend who gets me. She's wonderful!
10. DONE: Made a long term plan for my life and career and I'm definitely excited. I'm hoping to have more details soon!

So I completed 7 out of my 10 goals. On top of that, one of my personal goals was to get one book published before I was 30. I'm happy to report that as of yesterday, I signed my THIRD contract for one of my books. Still won't be able to find me on the shelf in Barnes and Noble, but that's another goal for another year. ;o) Overall, I can say I'm happy entering my 30s. I'll need to think about my goals for the following year and do another post soon. In the meantime, pray I make it to Sunday, which is my actual birthday.

It's been forever...

2010-08-10T09:19:00.000-07:00

...I know. I've had so much going on, it's unreal. Since I last posted, Punky turned four, Chicken turned three and Cupcake turned two. Such a crazy amount of love I have for my children! Every day is such a blessing with them.

I'm also happy to announce I've finally been published. My first book, Doubting Thomas, is available under my pen name, Stephanie Taylor now from Eternal Press. You can order it here. It will be available in print on Amazon in a week or so. My second book, Tinsel Town, is due to be released from Lyrical Press on November 11th, 2010. It's a christmas story about an actor and actress who hate each other forced to spend the holidays together. It's one of my favorite books I've ever written!

I'll also be holding a book signing at the Madison Street Festival in Madison, Alabama on October 2nd. If you live nearby, please come by and see me!

I also work for Vintage Reflections Publishing now as an editor. It's a wonderful company and I've made so many friends through the authors I've edited. I feel like I work in an alternate reality most of the time under Stephanie Taylor. I have a fan page on facebook and a twitter account under STaylorAuthor.

Not many people can say they've accomplished all of their dreams before they turned thirty, but I have. It's an amazing accomplishment and while I feel the need to be proud of myself sometimes, it's been a humbling experience. The day my book released, August 7, 2010, Hubby and I came home from celebrating and I looked up to the night sky to say a prayer of thanks. Low and behold, a shooting star streaked across the sky. Nothing like that little reminder to whisper in my ear that I'm still not the one in control. Having three beautiful children and two books coming out wasn't just MY doing. God gave me my children, and he gave me my talents. To Him, I'll be eternally grateful!

Want to win an HP TouchSmart?

2009-12-11T08:24:00.001-08:00

You can visit http://mckgiveaways.blogspot.com/2009/12/hp-touchsmart-giveaway.html and win your very own HP TouchSmart! Who wouldn't like this for a Christmas gift? Head on over for your chance to win!

My famous Chocolate Chip Molasses Cookies

2009-12-02T08:59:00.001-08:00

Ok, so after you read this, I'm going to have to kill you but a friend of mine posted a virtual cookie swap on her blog at http://www.jennifershirk.blogspot.com/. I thought I'd participate and share my famous Chocolate Chip Molasses Cookie recipe. This recipe trumps my mother in laws (or so my hubby says) in the yummy department. I can't believe I finally got one right! This is 8 years of experimentation finally gone right.

Chocolate Chip Molasses Cookies
2 cups white sugar
1 tbsp real molasses
1 tsp vanilla
2 eggs
1 tsp baking powder
1 tsp salt
1 stick butter, melted
1 bag milk chocolate chips

Combine all of these ingredients then add 1.5-2 cups of flour until the dough is no longer sticky. Spoon onto cookie sheet and bake for around 8 minutes, until the edges and peaks are golden brown. Remove and enjoy with a big, fat glass o'milk!

Have a Merry Christmas!

Happy birthday to me

2009-10-30T10:11:00.000-07:00

Tomorrow, I will be 29. The last year of my twenties. The last year to do something stupid and get away with it, cause let's face it...once thirty hits, we're adults and have to face reality.

Only I? Have lived that way most of my life.

I haven't blogged much recently because not only have things been insanely crazy for our family, I just haven't felt like it. My mood for the last six months is most accurately described as BLAH. Thankfully, after some tests and doctors visits, we're on the road to making things better. I tell ya, I sure could use a break from BLAH.

I can't help but feel sad my twenties are almost over. Tomorrow I'll be 29. Some really great things happened. I moved. I got married. I quit working. I had three children. I will celebrate 9 years of marriage before I turn 30. I'm hoping I can add something else great to this list before this time next year.

Now I'm kinda left with the bereft feeling of....now what? I told my husband recently, "We're married, we're done having kids. Now we just get old and die." A friend of mine said, "But next you get to have grandchildren and then retire!" Retirement happened for me a week before Punky was born. Grandchildren are my children's "having a baby" milestone. Likely to happen, but not guaranteed. Surely out of three, I can snag at least one though.

I just get this panicky feeling in my chest where I feel like things are slipping away. I'm crazy, I know. I'm not even thirty. But I didn't finish college, so there's nothing to fall back on when my kids are old enough to spread their wings. My biggest fear is I'm going to be one of those parents who completely lose it when their kids leave home. My mother in law is a great example of what I DO want to be. I believe cultivating healthy friendships through early parenthood and making time for yourself helps avoid that. But none of us really know until we get there.

I keep thinking maybe this whole writing thing will pan out for me. But I'm no closer than I was a year ago, when I decided this was going to be the year. I did finish two novels this year though and I'm very proud of them. I'm finally getting the hang of the whole writing thing. I hope eventually something will happen in those regards for me.

So I'd like to look back on this next year and say I've accomplished a few things. Here are my goals for 29:

1. Lose 15-20 pounds. I'd like to start my 30's off on a good note. I dont think I could handle a double whammy.
2. Edit current MS and write another book
3. Find a part time job
4. Take the kids to Disney and pay CASH (why I listed #3!)
5. Crack down on our budget so we can save for retirement. If we actually have retirement money, I might look forward to it a little more!
6. Start an IRA for myself and contribute the maximum amount
7. do something totally wild and crazy (by my standards)
8. Create an author website.
9. Find friends who GET me. No fluff. I want the down and dirty, what you see is what you get kinda friends.
10. Make a long-term plan for my life that I can be excited about.

There. Now I'm going to need some encouragement to keep these goals. I'll take whatever you want to give.

Passionate Critters Blog

2009-07-23T08:14:00.001-07:00

Blogged over at Passionate Critters today. Stop in and comment!

Happy birthday, Cupcake. You're ONE!

2009-07-15T05:52:00.000-07:00

Cupcake,

I've thought long and hard about this letter, mainly because it's the last "first" letter I'll probably ever right. I want it to be perfect and special in all the ways you are.

I can't begin to tell you what a blessing you've been in my life. From the second they put you on my tummy straight from the womb and I thought, "Oh my, what a tiny mouth she has!" to now, exactly one year later, I've been filled with love and happiness. I'm sure by the time you're reading this, you know you weren't exactly planned, but I couldn't imagine our family being complete without you.

You slept through the night on your three month birthday and have ever since. You've learned to smile and say dada, mama, baba, bite bite, hi, bye bye, whoa, baby, no no, uh oh, and probably a few more I haven't picked up on yet. You went to your first Bible class when you were six months old. You learned to sit up around then, too. By 9 months, you crawled and by 10 you were pulling up and cruising. You still haven't walked, but I know it's coming very soon!

Your smile has brought me endless joy. You've been such an easy baby and it's hard to capture with words the joy you seem to find in life. Your little adult chuckle always makes me laugh. And I love how you call for me over the monitor when you're awake. Your little crooked two-tooth smile never fails to brighten my day.

The best part of all has been going to your room and picking you up, all warm and soft from sleep and hearing you say "Ooooh" as you give me a kiss and then lay your head on my shoulder, patting me with your little chubby hand. One day, when your too big for me to pick up, I want those memories to be with me. These baby days are so short and there was once a day not long ago I wished them away. If only they would sleep through the night...If only they were potty trained...if only...

If only I could keep you little just a little longer.

God gave me my "angel baby" so that I would always look back on these days with joy. I know the day will come you will walk, talk in sentences, eat with a spoon, potty train, dress yourself, and develop your own opinion. I will savor those days, too, just as I have with your brother and sister. There's something bittersweet about saying goodbye to your last baby, but I'm also saying hello to my last toddler, which is still just as special.

Someday, I pray, I will watch you become a Christian. I will watch you make wise choices and make not only me, but yourself and God proud. I will watch you grow with the joy only a mother can have towards her child.

Cupcake, happy birthday. I love you so much.

Tomorrow, as we celebrate, I hope you know you will always be my...

I've been tagged by Jennifer!

2009-07-13T08:24:00.000-07:00

I was tagged by Jennifer over at Me, My Muse and I. Since I haven't had much to blog about lately, I thought this would give me something to do!

Here are the rules:
1. Link to the person or persons who tagged you.
2. Post the rules on your blog.
3. Write six random and/or revealing things about yourself.
4. Tag six people at the end of your post and link to them.
5. Let each person know they’ve been tagged and leave a comment on their blog
6. Let the tagger know when your post entry is up on your site.
Six Random/Revealing Things About Myself:

1) I wear a size 5.5 shoe. I HATE my small feet!

2) I have an uncontrollable, inexplicable fear of puking. I'd rather be extremely nauseous for a week than puke once and feel better.

3) The greatest experience in life is having children. Marriage is a close second. Both teach you every possible combination of patience and love.

4) I hated lit classes in college despite the fact that I'm a writer!

5) I went to college for 2.5 years and dropped out. I wanted to be a wife and mother more than I wanted a fancy degree.

6) I love action movies more than girly movies. Hubby got lucky on that one!

Kinda boring, huh? Since I don't get many readers these days, consider yourself tagged if you read this and haven't already done it! Can't wait to see what you come up with!

Balloons!

2009-07-06T13:02:00.000-07:00

So last weekend my two girls went to a birthday party and came home with a balloon. Punky and Chicken fought constantly over the thing and continued to make that squeaky, annoying sound. While I was gone running errands, Hubby decided he had enough.

"C'mon kids. Let's go in the kitchen and pop it. It'll make a loud noise!" He lines Punky, Chicken and Cupcake up like little soliders.

1, 2, 3!

He pops the balloon.

All the kids fell into stunned silence with slack jaws and rounded eyes.

After a few moments, Cupcake (the 11 month old) said, "Whoa!"

Food for thought...

2009-06-09T20:26:00.000-07:00

"Mommy, are we going to heaven?" Punky, my three year old asks.

"Yes, as long as we do what God says, we will!" I reply, loving that she was thinking on such things.

"Can we drive our car?"

"Uhhhh...."

Happy belated birthday, Old Man.

2009-05-27T06:31:00.001-07:00

Dear Hubby,

I just realized I was so busy on your birthday I never wrote you the traditional letter. So here I am, 5 days later, doing it anyway.

Last year, I warned you of your oldness coming this year, at the big 3.0. But surprisingly, you're not in depends, you still have all your teeth and while you do snore, at least you can get yourself out of the bed without the aide of walker. I'm proud of you! ;oD

In all seriousness, I think our little weekend getaway to Mentone, Alabama was amazing. I wish we could have stayed there a week. Hiked more. Eaten more. Because for about 1.75 days, we had no responsibility and it kinda felt like we were dating again. I watched you laugh...I saw the real smile where I could see your dimple. I love that smile.

Since having our kids, we have a hard time connecting due to our chaotic lives but this weekend, we connected. And I'm still trying to digest the fact we didn't fight once!!! ;oD

I love you, Bryan. Every day, while it probably doesn't seem like it, I thank God for you and how my life has turned out. I thank God for the wonderful father you are to our children, the provider you are to us, and husband you are to me. Life has a knack for getting in the way and I don't tell you those things enough.

I love you, all of you. Thank you for picking me.

Stephanie

Why I need a vacation

2009-05-18T12:57:00.001-07:00

One day, I'll have some time to breath

2009-05-05T07:58:00.000-07:00

So...about a week and a half ago I was in the garage getting ready for a yard sale while the kids were playing in the driveway. I was focused on my task and not paying much attention to them other than to make sure they hadn't wondered off.

Then, I heard Punky's telltale scream of horror and pain. I look and her hand is dripping blood. I run over to her, prepared to bandage up whatever it is and tell her to shake it off and stop overreacting (I'm convinced she has a fear of blood...something that baffles me since no one but my father in law in our family possesses this fear. I have to calm her down a lot about it.

However, what I saw was nothing that would be bandaged up and shaken off. She definitely needed stitches. Off we went to the pediatric ER and she had two stitches (which she felt going in...stupid doc didn't even bother to give her a shot and opted instead for numbing "gel" that apparently numbs about as well as a piece of ice.

So we've been dealing with the bandage changing and such since then. Yesterday, she got her stitches out and is band-aid free now although she's still favoring it quite a bit. What an ordeal.

This morning I rolled out of bed at 4:15 to have Cupcake at the hospital for surgery on a clogged tear duct. Not a big deal and she's ok now (peacefully sleeping as a matter of fact) but it's hard to see your baby being carried away by a complete stranger with a hair net and atrociously colored scrubs. Everyone was so very nice and I held it together (miraculously). When I went to see her in recovery, she had just woken up.

I guess I expected to see her sitting up and playing. Instead she was laying on her back, looking around with her big blue eyes and had her thumb in her mouth. She was obviously feeling insecure about her surroundings. When she saw me, her eyes lit up, she smiled a big smile and reached for me. It was the sweetest moment to know that she recognized me and loved me that much.

Of course, she worked her charm on all the doctors and nurses and everyone was having a duck over her. One man even shook his head and said, "I can't believe you're old enough to have a baby, much less three!" I laughed and told him thank you for saying that, it always makes this almost 29 year old feel super special! With everything going on in this house right now, I certainly don't feel young!

Now? I'm exhausted. I went to the gym for the first time last night in two weeks. My feet hurt. My back hurts. I'm fat. I think I have another ear infection. I need a babysitter.

I just need a nap and a vacation. Oh, and maybe some liposuction.

Out of sorts

2009-04-23T19:11:00.000-07:00

Every day this week has been a struggle.

My kids are on a mission to make me certifiably insane. You think I'm kidding? Yes? Think again. Chicken started running a fever on Monday. Sinus crud. Still not convinced there's not some food rotting in his sinus cavity that we'll have to have surgery for.

Punky has been extra whiny and I have no idea what her deal is.

Cupcake is teething AND is going to have to have surgery to open up a clogged tear duct in the near future. But I'm not too worried about it, supposedly it's only a 5-10 minute surgery.

Not only that, but my energy level is next to nothing. I can barely hold my head up during the day. And if one person mentions the "P" word I'll hunt you down like a dog. I'm not pregnant!!! I think I might be getting a little anemic or something. Lot's of headaches, lots of irritability, lots of yuckiness. I've drastically cut back on our red meat and my lack of iron intake is probably the culprit.

At any rate, I just don't want to do anything but sit or sleep.

I also got a few rejections on my newest MS. No big deal, to be honest. The only thing is one of the agents gave me some much appreciated advice to lengthening my story. It's only at 45K (5K less than I thought it was, too!)so I'm literally going to have to double it. Not an easy feat! I've been pretty bummed about that, too.

Sooo, sorry I haven't been around for awhile. Can't say I will be posting with any regularity, either until things start going a little better. hopefully this post finds you feeling well and excited about the weekend!

Dear Christa,

2009-04-20T08:26:00.000-07:00

I haven't seen you in EIGHT years. Eight. My wedding day was the last time. We've talked MAYBE 3 or 4 times in those eight years. Before that, we were friends for 15 years, from the first day of kindergarten to that fateful day in college when I had to force you from my dorm room because I didn't agree with your choices.

You've become a recluse.

You've become someone I don't know.

You've become someone I don't WANT to know.

Imagine my surprise when you actually called me and wanted to see me while I was at my parents house in GA, where we grew up. I eagerly agreed, anxious to see what you made of your life. I jumped in the car with you and you took me to your apartment while my children slept at my parents house.

Imagine my surprise when I walked in and your garage apartment was little more than a rat hole, reeking of cat urine and hadn't been cleaned since the day you moved in. I tried not to let my disgust show. My disgust was directed more at how much you changed, not necessarily the uncleanliness itself. When I knew you before, you complained because I left dirty dishes in the sink in our dorm. You hated filth.

Imagine my surprise when your boyfriend showed up with a case of sprite in - what I assume - was a peace offering for me, the "holy roller." After a few minutes, the beer came out and my panic set in. You had to drive me home to my children.

Then it happened. I saw your boyfriend hand you something that you kept close to your side. A few moments later you said, "Yes, I still smoke marijuana and I'm going to do it front of you." You took a hit and then your boyfriend did the same. I later described this device you used and my step-dad told me it sounded more like a crack or meth pipe. Considering you had aged 20 years in 8, it doesn't surprise me. And also considering your cousin is on the drug task force and you freely admitted to me he was onto to you, I don't believe it was just marijuana. Just because I've never once in my life been around that kind of thing (save the few times you've brought it around me), I'm not stupid.

I'm so angry at you. We hadn't seen each other in 8 years and your desire to get high overrode your need to see me, someone who used to be your best friend. You're so addicted you didn't think of my sleeping children and the fact you had to get behind the wheel with their mother with you. Hind sight is 20/20 and I should have simply walked out, called my family to come get me and never look back. Instead, I stupidly sat in your car as you drove, drunk and high, with my fists clenched and a continual prayer for my safety and my children's flowing through my mind.

You hugged me when we pulled into the driveway, sobbing about the past and our friendship. Do you even realize how unhappy you are? Do you even care? Did you not want more for yourself than a rat hole garage apartment and a life full of fuzzy memories? Does the temporary escape of being high mean more to you than a life filled with permanent joy and happiness? Have you not learned from your dying father, who spent his whole life doing exactly what you're doing now, that a life full of these things doesn't amount to anything in the end?

I wonder what you saw when you looked at me. Did you see the judgmental holy roller you used to deem me? Did the fact that I told you to take me home the second I realized what you had leave an impression? When I told you I had children to think about now, did you think twice about your choices? Did it even dawn on you that if I had been caught with the two of you doing whatever it was you were doing, my own life could have been ruined, and by association, my family's?

You didn't think of anyone but yourself.

One day, I'm not going to be angry at you for wasting your life away. One day, I'll sit down and cry for that smart girl I grew up with who always made me laugh. I'll sob for the third grader who stood next to me and sang Madonna's Like a Prayer with me to our entire class. I'll wish that your dreams of going to SCAD and becoming a writer and artist would have happened. And I'll wish that you had never agreed to go to college with me because that's where you met all of those people who made you who you are today.

But not now. Right now I'm too angry.

And when you asked me if I was still going to call you? Remember how I didn't answer? The answer is no. I prefer to remember you as you were 10 years ago.

Someone I wasn't ashamed of.

Kids now days

2009-04-13T14:54:00.000-07:00

Do YOU remember getting nothing but plastic eggs filled with candy for easter? I tell ya, that was a rare treat if I got those. I haven't even SEEN the hardboiled ones really since my kids have been big enough to hunt eggs. Maybe this is because I have young children who will inevitably squoosh a real egg between their chubby fingers, but bottom line? Kids now days are spoiled rotten.

And maybe even the parents because I didn't want the mess of hard boiled eggs with a 3 and 2 year old AND I wanted the candy probably as much as they did. See the picture below? Yup, Chicken found the REAL meaning of easter...

The End

2009-04-08T08:22:00.001-07:00

So on Monday, I typed two precious, wonderful words. THE END.

I felt elated. I felt awesome. I felt complete.

I felt FREAKED OUT! What on earth do I do now? Edits? Sure! Rewrites? Sure! Submit to agents...WHAT?!

I think that step and that step alone is the main reason I have about 4 finished novels and haven't done anything with them. I too afraid to submit. I'm not afraid of rejection. I've been rejected by about 8 agents (the few I've actually submitted to). I don't expect to be like Nicholas Sparks and get a million dollar advance for my first book (but wouldn't that be niiiiice?!).

My main concern is wondering if I'd be ready for the demanding lifestyle I hear being an author is. I quit my job to stay with my kids. If I was to get published now or even in a few years, that would take valuable time away from them. I don't know...it's all so scary to think about.

Not that I'm presumptuous enough to think I'm good enough to get published right now, but it's something that's always on my mind when I type THE END.

Anywho, thank all of you who have supported me and have offered to read it for me. I hope to complete it by June 1 and have it out to those of you who are going to beta read it. I look forward to your feedback!

Rock on!

2009-04-06T19:10:00.000-07:00

Tonight at dinner, Punky, Chicken and I were all watching TV (I know, I'm a horrible mother, but at least we were all at the same table...the TV just happened to be in sight.). A picture of our president came on and I heard Punky saying, "Barrrack Obaaaama." I instantly get tickled...mainly because I've only taught the kid who he was ONCE (and only once...I'm hoping his name will be all she remembers!). I said, "What did you say, Punky?"

She gets all shy on me and refuses to say it again.

I urge her to tell me.

She looks at me with a grin and says:

Can you teach Chicken how to say Rocker Bama?

Goodbye Old Friend

2009-04-03T07:26:00.001-07:00

I said goodbye to a friend last night. One I've known for over half my life. Go here to see it.

I won't admit that I cried like a baby during the one hour "15 year history" but didn't cry at the end of the actual show. I also won't admit that I really do feel like I have a hole in my heart this morning, especially since it's all over the news this morning.

For those of you who don't know me, I hate change. Especially when it's something I've been invested in for so long. But it's just a TV show, I know you're saying. Well, it's the ONLY TV show I had to see. I mean, I won't even work out on Thursdays. If we go somewhere, I MUST be home by 9. It was so sad to see it end.

A lot of people moved on to Grey's Anatomy. I tried watching it but it just wasn't the same, not to mention I felt like I was cheating on ER, ha! Michael Creighton was an amazing author and creator and I can only hope to create something so wonderful one day. I don't see myself envisioning a Jurassic Park, but he was great at emotion. He passed away this year from cancer.

So, I'm hoping this new show taking ER's place, Southland, captures my attention...otherwise, Thursdays at 9 pm will be a sad time!

Congrats, Jennifer!

2009-03-31T07:50:00.001-07:00

I just wanted to take a moment to let you all know that my e-friend and crit partner, Jennifer Shirk's romantic comedy, A Role of a Lifetime came out today in print! Buy it here TODAY!

Congratulations, Jennifer, I'm so proud of you!

Snack anyone?

2009-03-27T08:03:00.001-07:00

Yesterday after all the rain we've gotten I flushed EIGHT earthworms down our toilet that somehow managed to get inside...and most of them had burrowed down into my shag carpet in the playroom. For the record, earthworms rank about as high on the ick scale as snakes for me, so it was a long day and I still have the creeps from it.

So it only made sense when Chicken walks up to me this morning saying, "EWWWW!" and hands me something round, brown and gray, and covered in snot, that I thought it was probably a slug that he smooshed. If an earthworm can get in, surely a slug could, too?

Upon closer inspection of this snotty thing, I realized it had...well...wrinkles. And looked a little like a...grape. Suddenly everything fell into place. Chicken's sudden onset of another "cold"...waking up over an hour early from his nap and pointing to his nose while crying (I dismissed this just thinking he was upset his nose was stuffy)...unable to blow the left nostril at all (again, I thought it was just a cold)...the dark shadow up his nose that I figured was that black marker he'd been playing with and decided to color in his nose. Well...apparently my son had stored a raisin the size of my thumb (in its rehydrated state) up his nose for safe keeping.

I'm amazed he was able to get it out. I didn't hear him sneeze or anything (which was how he rid himself of the cheerios he put up there during church last Sunday) but just came walking up to me with it. I have a feeling this is going to be a looooong toddlerhood.

Hooray!

2009-03-26T10:38:00.000-07:00

This week has been a busy one. I started out taking food to two family's on Monday - one who had a baby, the other who had surgery. I didn't necessarily plan it that way, but it worked out just fine. I didn't mean to forget their salad's either, but I did. At least we enjoyed it on Tuesday night, when I had Hubby's family over. Last night was church and workout afterwards. Tonight, I have to get my nails done (priorities, people!) and get a few groceries and a prescription.

Speaking of that prescription, I'm so happy I got it. Let me explain.

For a month now, I've been working out for at least 3 days a week. One week I only did it once, but it's still WAY more than I was doing. I'm watching what I eat (although Hubby will indisputably prove - with photographic evidence no doubt-the empty wrappers of easter candy. But still, I haven't been eating WORSE than I normally do, and in fact am averaging about 1500 calories a day before my workouts.

I've lost ZERO pounds. Those two pounds I thought I lost was apparently due to the antibiotics I was taking and the...ahem, effects they have on me. So when I realized that I not only haven't LOST, I have in fact GAINED, I knew it wasn't necessarily me (although I admit to eating the cadbury eggs, OK!?).

My OB put me on insulin medication when I was diagnosed with PCOS almost 8 years ago. It was my miracle drug. I stopped gaining weight (was able to lose, too), all my other problems went away and everything just sort of leveled out and I felt human. I was so grateful for it. After Cupcake was born, he reduced my dose from 3 to 1 pill a day. Slowly, everything has started coming back. EVERYTHING (including the unexplained weight gain). I felt like a huge cloud was over my head because I wasn't listening when my gut told me I needed to continue taking it. I finally called yesterday to see if we could up it again to at least 2, and he went ahead and put me back on 3. I'm so happy. Seriously. I've been on cloud nine all day today.

Now, if I don't start losing weight, I really will know it's the Cadbury eggs!

Sorry, I know this is a boring post, but I'm celebrating today!

WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME LATELY!?!?!

2009-03-23T09:40:00.000-07:00

Note to self: Support bottom of pie when removing from the oven.

My Sweet Baby!

2009-03-20T11:53:00.001-07:00

WIP Wednesday - Ed.3

2009-03-18T07:46:00.000-07:00

Want to find out how far I've gotten on my latest WIP? Visit me at www.musevswriter.blogspot.com. It's my new writing blog.

How she managed this I'll never know...

2009-03-17T14:47:00.001-07:00

Forget food, Batman is the way to their hearts!

2009-03-13T11:26:00.001-07:00

Since Chicken has pink eye, I didn't want to leave him at my in-laws house, so I took him with me (because after all 1 is better than 3 when you're out and about!). He got to go shopping with me.

Let me tell you, the boy is a nut about Batman. He's got a toddler sized batman in the play room. He's got several cars that are batman. And after he picked out a little matchbox car he wanted, we ran over to the baby section to grab some rice cereal for Cupcake. Low and behold there was a clearance display of backpacks. One of them was of batman and it had the little rollers and handle and everything on it. $5. The kid was so excited over it, he through down his car, and said, "DIS! NEE NEE!" (this, Batman --he calls batman by the song, you know, nene nene nene nene nene nene nene nene BATMAN!) I knew he was telling me that was his final decision.

I hadn't ever seen him so excited over something before so I couldn't say no. Especially for $5. He rolled the thing right to the check out and out of the store, all the way to the car. Then commenced pulling the handle up and down all the way home.

I picked up his sisters at the in-laws and on the way home he was mumbling something. I looked back and him and he grinned acting shy. I said, "What did you say Buddy?"

It was words I never thought I'd hear from him on his own because our relationship isn't the best these days since he requires so much discipline. I've been agonizing a lot over it, too and how to make things better for us. Just when you think all hope is lost you hear three little words uttered from those precious lips:

"Wuv you, Mommy!"

Hi, I'm Stephanie. Remember me?

2009-03-12T08:00:00.000-07:00

The new me has emerged. For 3 years now, I've been sitting at home all day and my only company was a 3, 2 and 8 month old. They're great company, don't get me wrong. But I need social interaction with people my age at some point. I don't even have to talk, just BEING around other people makes me feel better.

So about 3 weeks ago I joined my local gym. And I LOVE it. I even conned a friend of mine into joining with me (shhhh, she doesn't know I conned her yet). I haven't lost much weight, but I'm getting there. Only about 2 pounds so far. I'm even starting to crave the physical activity. Yeah, I know. The devil is snow skiing right now.

But seriously, I love it. I'm also writing more. I'm taking time for myself...and as an added bonus, it's after the kids go to bed, so I don't have to feel bad for leaving everyday. They still get mommy time, I still get ME time. It's a win-win situation. I've noticed a huge improvement in my mood, too, not just toward life, but toward my kids and my patience level. With the kids being sick so much this year, I was starting to feel depressed and was spending too much time dwelling on things that in the long run don't really matter. Now? It's pretty much gone. I think this has been my ticket out of my 6 month long funk.

It's easy as mother's to forget we're still human. When you have to balance children, husbands, house cleaning, cooking, laundry and yourself it's a hard pill to swallow. Sometimes instead of God we can start worshipping those things and lose ourselves and our goals in life. We can take on so much more than we can handle like making sure dinner's on the table at a certain time, our husband's clothes are ironed (I still don't get this one since they're just as capable as we are, but I have friends who do it!), entertaining people in our home and all the while dealing with all our regular chores and sick kids. Being a mommy and a wife doesn't mean we lose ourselves in the process. Yes, we come last and that's ok...as long as we're actually on our to-do list.

When I think about how I was feeling and how I know some of my friends feel, I realize even more now, how important it is to get out, get some fresh air and just BE. For the first time in a long while, I feel like ME again. That doesn't mean my life is perfect or I have it all together, but I have a clearer handle on where I NEED to be and I'm working to get there. And the best part? I don't feel one bit guilty.

Hello, my name is Stephanie. Remember me? I finally do.

So tired....

2009-03-06T06:40:00.000-08:00

Apparently there's nothing like falling asleep in your jumparoo. And ear infections take a lot out of her!

What a good hubby I have....

2009-03-05T07:12:00.000-08:00

Have I ever mentioned what a good hubby I have? He sent me this email and I encourage everyone to go to the link and read the blog there, even if you aren't into photography. It's a great thought to start the day off with! And I keep reading it over and over again because Hubby made my day!

I thought this was a great post by a guest blogger on Scott Kelby's blog (he has a guest every wednesday).

http://www.scottkelby.com/blog/2009/archives/3510

It's written for photographers but I think it has much farther reaching applications than just photography. Anyway, if you don't have the time to read the whole thing at least read the last paragraph. I'm glad you are taking the time to get your book finished and I hope you WILL finish it and market it until it either succeeds or fails and you have to write the next "winner." I know you'll get there eventually, I just hope you keep pushing and experimenting and find your voice and ultimately succeed at fulfilling your dream. I'll help as best I can. I love you.

Hubby

WIP Wednesday - Ed.2

2009-03-04T08:39:00.000-08:00

My goal was to finish up Chapter 10 and start 11 last week. I'm happy to say I even FINISHED chapter 11 this week. At the end of chapter 12, I hit the black moment. I thought it would be at the end of 11, but my characters had other plans...Now I have to figure out what happens in the beginning and middle of Chapter 12 to get to the end I already have in mind. And it's going to be so sad to write it...

I even sent out a couple of e-queries to see what kind of response I would get. I only sent out 3 and got one rejection almost immediately. But hey, that's one rejection closer to an acceptance right? I know if I continue as determined as I am now, I will do it one day. I might be 70 but at least I'll be able to say I'm a published author and I'll die a happy lady.

40000 / 75000 words. 53% done!

I'm standing around 40,000 words out of what I hope to be around a 75K book. Being at the black moment by 45K words probably isn't a good sign but that's something I can go back and fix during revisions. My crit partners have already helped me immensely and I've got some great suggestions on where to lengthen, where to shorten and where to trash and write over! ;oD

My goals for this week is to write chapter 12. I'm afraid to write it at the moment because I don't really know how to get to the ending, as I mentioned earlier. So it's probably going to be like pulling teeth!

Stay tuned next week!

The Greatest Show on Earth!

2009-03-03T06:22:00.000-08:00

We took Chicken to the circus for his birthday instead of having a big party. At first he buried his face in my neck, shaking and terrified. It didn't help that he was running a 101 fever that morning (I normally NEVER take my kids out when they're sick, but the $150 we paid for tickets couldn't go to waste!) but for the record once the motrin kicked in he was fine but probably still infected half the kids around us with his coughing. I guess it was time to pay it forward since we always catch but rarely share. I finally turned him so he could still hold on to me but see what was going on. He loosened up a little at a time and finally started clapping and yelling and getting excited. The elephants did it for him. He was mesmerized.

Toward the end of the show, the lions came out. I tell ya, there was a point where I thought one of them was going to eat the tamer. It was stubborn and was clearly the problem "child" out of the lot. But they were beautiful creatures.

Punky was pretty unsure of everything, too for about the first half. She never loosened up like Chicken did but she did start talking to us again instead of just a nod or shake of the head. Here they are watching the clowns perform.

We paid good money for the Greatest Show on Earth and it was pretty spectacular. It was the first circus I've ever been to, so my kids and I got to share a first!!!

Misadventures in bread making

2009-03-01T07:54:00.000-08:00

Warming eye accidentally set on high + plastic bowl = FAIL

Work In Progress Wednesday Ed. 1

2009-02-26T08:29:00.000-08:00

My crit partner, Kate, began a really cool idea since we're all writers and such called work in progress Wednesday, where I update everyone on the status of my current WIP. Since I'm so excited about current WIP, I thought I'd play along. Now, I'm not fancy like Kate and know how to put those cool little wordometers here, but I can tell you, I made progress this week.

First off, I drove the Squirrel Mobile (Hubby's dilapidated Kia Rio) over to Starbucks on Tuesday evening. I sat in the corner sipping a Vanilla Bean Frappuccino, next to the door I might add (in 40 degree weather) typing away at my chapter 9. I finished it up and started 10 before my enthusiasm waned and I headed home.

It was the most relaxing time I've had since becoming a mother, I tell ya. I could focus 100% on me, knowing my kids were well taken care of by their father (let's just say it's a good thing he doesn't have hair!) and I was totally into this writing. My work wasn't as choppy and flowed from my fingertips. No kids yelling from the living room as I sat on my bed, trying to ignore them after Hubby got home. Nope, I just wrote with no worries.

Well, I will admit I was a little worried over the lack of good music Starbucks played. Note to self: Must bring IPOD with more appropriate mood music. Frank Sinatra, James Blunt and other bland elevator music doesn't put me in a mood to write a romance novel with tragic elements. But in their defense, people aren't there to listen to head-banging melodramatic rock, either, so I guess we both compromised. I'll bring my IPOD and they'll please all the OTHER customers with their music...and I'll still get my frappuccino, a quiet atmosphere and we'll live happily ever after!

I'm almost to the black moment with my WIP. My characters are getting in deep and everything about to ripped out from under them. I hate writing the black moment, but it does drive me forward to hurry up and give them their happily ever after. In approximately 2 more chapters, I'm to the dreaded day where my heroine and hero can't tackle their obstacles...yet.

My goal is to finish up chapter 10 and start 11 before Sunday. With a gym class tonight, Hubby gone tomorrow and the circus on Saturday, I'm going to be hard pressed but I think I can do it!

Somebody send me some cheerleaders!

2 Years Old

2009-02-24T20:20:00.000-08:00

My dearest Chicken on your 2nd birthday:

I know one day you'll be older reading this thinking, "Aww, Mom, do you hafta get all mushy on me like this?" Well, son, yes. I do.

The truth is, the second I saw you, I fell in love. You were God's special gift to us for a totally different reason than Punky was. With Punky, it took us 3 years to get her. But God decided to give us to you with no worries, no tears and no struggle. I bonded with you from the delivery room. I'll never forget your big newborn eyes looking up at me as you nursed. It's one of the most special moments as a mother I will always cherish.

Then, you grew into a baby, and a chubby baby at that. You were so rotund, people couldn't help but smile at you. You were a mama's boy at first and always had a special smile for me. I LOVED seeing you smile and eventually hearing your laugh. You weren't in any hurry to talk, but you made up for it physically. You walked at 11 months and haven't stopped going strong ever since. It was like having a little live-in Michelin baby walking around.

As you grew into a toddler, I was amazed at your love for your eldest sister and now, your baby sister. I thought you'd be really ticked off being sandwiched between two girls but you've taken it in stride and became an awesome big brother to Cupcake. Not to mention you and Punky have a bond that I'm so proud of. You are blessed to have siblings and I hope you always know that.

You also love your Daddy so very much. Hearing your sweet voice call out, "DADDY!" when he comes home from work as you run to hug his knees fills me with a sense of pride that only you can give me. And you do the same thing when I come home after being away. There's nothing I want more in those moments than to hold you close and keep you my little boy just a little longer.

But sure, in the grand scheme of time, two isn't that big, right? You're still little, but I know it will pass so quickly. Sometimes I look at you and see the man that you will one day become. Those baby blues will knock some girl off her feet. I can tell you right now, Son, you will make me proud. I see a tender heart in you, affection, and an adventurous side that will provide you with endless possibilities.

This year you learned to talk. One day you were barely saying ten words and then the next you came up to me and said, "Mommy, Iunt bite too-tee." (I want a bite of cookie). From that day forward you put more words together and I can tell you're finally getting the hang of it. I'm learning your language and even though I still have to interpret a lot, you're getting clearer and clearer. And even a little sly when you throw in a "Peeeeeeeeeeeeeessssssse!" when you don't get your way.

You also learned how to go potty. You're not completely trained yet, but we're going to get there soon. I think you learned by watching Punky for the most part so this year, we're going to work on that!

Son, there are many days you get overlooked, or put off because of your other siblings. I truly know why people talk about the "middle child syndrome". There will never be enough time in the day for me to tell you how much I love you as often as I want to, or how much you - my special and only son - hold a place in my heart. I hope you never doubt that or feel inadequate. I pray our relationship will grow and flower into a unbreakable bond. I want you to always be able to talk to me, even if it's in your own language.

And I promise you, no matter what you say my heart will understand you. Because you'll always be my little boy.

I love you,

Mommy

P.S. To the circus we go on Saturday, in honor of your birthday!

On even ground...and fully clothed

2009-02-23T06:52:00.000-08:00

I present to you Captain Chicken Sparrow, evil pirate who kidnaps young maidens. Don't let the half-smile and baby blues fool you, he uses them to his advantage to lure you in.

Captain Chicken Sparrow kidnapped Princess Alexa, who is desperately looking for a way out of the large ship she is in. Captain Chicken Sparrow is proud of his handiwork and continues to torture Princess Alexa via stolen sippy cups, rough treatment of her Barbie's and stabbing her mercilessly with his foam fighting sword.

But somewhere along the way, Princess Alexa and Captain Chicken Sparrow form a truce of sorts and become friends. They start to share, hold hands and realize there is nothing more fun than to play together....and forming an alliance to overthrow their true captain, Captain Mommy. But Captain Mommy is on to them...

Or else!

2009-02-20T07:36:00.001-08:00

Last night we all sat down at the dinner table for some yummy salmon patties and corn casserole. Punky sweetly asked me to sit with her, so I sat down next to her. Hubby and I began a discussion about...well, I forget now. But as usual, I was getting into the conversation and talking excitedly and being a little boisterous.

Punky very gently put her pudgy hands against my forearm and looked at me very seriously.

"Be nice to each other, Mommy....or I'll rip your face off!"

Ahem, Hubby? This one is all yours.

It's just simply time.

2009-02-18T19:52:00.000-08:00

Has anyone ever noticed how opinionated some people can be? I mean, half my friends - wait, who am I kidding? - all of my friends would categorize me in the opinionated column, but why do people deem it necessary to PUSH it on you?

If there's one thing I do when I offer my opinion on something, I ALWAYS tell someone before hand that it's just that - my opinion. I never expect them to adhere to it, to take my advice or even listen to me. I'm just not that kind of person. I hope my friends know that I'm never meaning to be pushy or arrogant. I'm sure most of them do know that, but I'm on record here, just so they know now if they didn't before. Make sense?

There are about to be changes taking part in my life. BIG changes. As in, I'm joining a gym. I'm spending more time away from home after the kids go down for bed at 7 pm. I'm going to network with other writers. I'm going to write. It's a lot to accomplish in some 3 hours every evening before I keel over from exhaustion, but it's just time. I've complained until I'm blue in the face about what's wrong. Now it's time to make it right. I think in the long run, I'll be happier.

I can either sit on my butt and be like my mother - overweight, miserable and depressed my whole life - or I can do something about it. Yes, I'm going to complain about how tired I am, more than likely. I might even feel that there's no relaxation time, but you know what? I don't care anymore. I've got to get some semblance of a life back. Make some friends that will actually go out and do something with me, maybe even meet some other writers that dream the same things I dream about. It would be nice to do that, I think.

However, I'm pretty sure there will be "opinions" about that. Am I shirking my duties as a wife and mother? No, because being a wife and mother will always be first in my world, even before me. Am I prepared for the life being a novelist entails? Probably not, but I'll never know unless I do it. Do I really want to lose those 20 pounds I've been harping about for 8 years now? Oh yessssssss.

Hi. Nice to meet you. I'm Stephanie. This year is MY year. Keep your opinions to yourself, please.

Dear Anonymous

2009-02-17T09:48:00.000-08:00

Dear Anonymous in Baltimore, Maryland (and I'm pretty sure I know who you are):

Why do my kids rarely wear clothes you ask?

Less laundry.

2009-02-16T09:03:00.003-08:00

Was Wednesday really the last time I posted? Yikes! Time got away with me! Anyway, because I need a laugh today, here's some pictures that will hopefully put a smile on your face!

Wordless Wednesday

2009-02-11T07:52:00.000-08:00

Feeling bummed...

2009-02-10T15:21:00.001-08:00

I don't even know where to begin to be honest. My days are filled with doctor visit after doctor visit right now and I feel like I have a Munchausen Syndrome only the diagnosis isn't psychosis. If only it were that simple, I might actually be able to rest and relax in my mind.

The kids and I just got over RSV. Cupcake tested positive for it and we've all had it. The kids all had a horrible cough and cold and I had a bad cold.

I mentioned before I've been having UTI type symptoms, but the doctor can't find anything wrong. So he ordered a catscan thinking maybe I have a kidney stone trapped in a tube. Nope, but I do have an ovarian cyst.

So off I go to my OB today. He says it wasn't as big as the urologist office portrayed it to be, did a pelvic, and sent me on my way. But he did want me to have an overall ultrasound on my ovaries just to make sure everything looked ok. That'll be Thursday.

But wait...we still haven't solved the UTI problem. The doctors office, whom I haven't been very happy with FINALLY calls me back today and suggests a "cysto" (what is it with me and cysts?) She pretended I knew what this was and kept talking but I finally had to ask. Some sort of procedure they can do I'm guessing in office (since she told me to come in) and they thread a tube up in your bladder and look at your anatomy. Good thing I had already scheduled another appointment with a different urologist for a second opinion.

The problem with this doctor is they're so busy they even have restaurant pagers to call you back to a room. I'm nothing but a number. He acts annoyed if I ask him a question about all this because you know he's got 50 other patients waiting in the lobby. I'm pretty disgusted with them. So I asked my OB today for a different referral. When I called for an appointment, I was excited I got a real person on the phone who was actually nice. That'll be on Friday.

Did I mention I'm still having bad heartburn since the gallbladder surgery and should probably go see the gastroenterologist again? (Because for crying out loud, I'm only 28, not 78!!!)

I mean seriously, after this, I'm done. I don't care how bad I feel, how bad it gets, I'm done with the petty visits. I'm just going to accept that I'm not ever going to feel good. I'm tired of relying on family members to come watch my kids, because seriously, Mommy just doesn't get sick days the first 10 years on the job. If things were a little easier, I'm sure it wouldn't be such a big deal. But it's a pain in the butt (yes, I'm sure that'll get checked out next) to get everything done right now. Not to mention somedays I want to think about something other than a stupid doctor and what I might have to undergo next.

And least people with Munchausen's ENJOY going to the doctor. We can safely say I don't have that...although I might be a little psychotic after all is said and done!

Brian Regan

2009-02-06T06:48:00.000-08:00

Thanks to my wonderful critique partner, Jennifer Shirk who mentioned going to see Brian Regan for giving me the idea as part of Hubby's Christmas present! Hubby is a huge fan and I was so excited to see he was coming to town recently. We have never laughed so hard! Literally, my sides are still aching! I'll leave you with a clip of one of his jokes and wish you all a great weekend!

Click here for awesome hilarity!

Take a look!

2009-02-04T14:12:00.001-08:00

I guest blogged over at Passionate Critters today, so drop by here and leave a comment!

I'm such a bad mother...

2009-02-02T19:49:00.000-08:00

I don't even want to talk about what kind of day I had today. Wait, yes, I do.

Let's see. Cupcake has a terrible cold and cough, so my day started at 5:45. I finally got her back to sleep at 6:25 and fell back into bed. Chicken woke up at 7:20 ready to start his day.

I get him up and ask him what he'd like for breakfast. Yo yo! (Yogurt). He commences pointing to the table and a regular seat indicating I should put it there. "No, you have to eat it in your high chair, you'll make a mess for Mommy to clean up at the table." I pick him up and start to put him in his high chair. He bucks against me, bends his legs and refuses to sit down. I warn him about the consequences of his behavior but he cries and says, NO! "Do you want yogurt or not?" Yeah. "Then you have to get in your high chair. No! Since he was up an hour and a half early, I take him back to bed. "You have to lay back down, Chicken. You're still tired and until you're ready to obey Mommy, you have to stay in here." (Please note I'm not a believer in time out, I really was trying to get him to go back to sleep)

So he cried for about 20 minutes. Not hard, but enough that I heard him. Strike one for Bad Mommy.

I get him up and ask him if he's ready to eat his yogurt. Yeah! He says and he finally eats it.

In.His.Highchair.

Then Cupcake woke up. She wasn't happy. She didn't feel good. She slept maybe 1 hour at her longest stretch all day today. Most of the time she wallowed in her crib, fussing and crying. Strike 2 for Bad Mommy.

Then Chicken decided at lunch he was too tired to eat. Once again we went round and round. He wouldn't eat and pointed to his room, "Nigh nigh!" I'd put him in his bed, "EEEEE!" (Eat). He finally got half a dose of Benedryl because, well, I'm pretty sure I saw some snot in his nose. And he did go to bed hungry. I didn't give in and I refuse to let a toddler rule my house. He WILL obey me one way or another. Strike three for Bad Mommy.

I sent Punky to bed for her nap. I managed about a 30 minute much needed nap of my own before Cupcake woke up for another screaming session. It was then I heard Punky crying softly in her room. I went in there and she looked so pitiful. "What's wrong, Punky?" "Mommy! I peepeed all over my bed!" Yup, she had. All the way to her neck. I assured her it was ok, changed her sheets and tucked her back in. I grabbed a quick shower - quick being the operative word since Cupcake was finally up and screaming now in the bouncy seat in the bathroom with me. When I got out, Punky was peeping her head in my room, clearly NOT sleeping like she was supposed to be.

Cupcake continued to cry.

Chicken wakes up.

Hubby comes home.

I leave for my doctor's appointment.

"Don't call me unless there's blood." This Bad Mommy has struck out.

Cupcake is in the clear!

2009-02-01T16:58:00.000-08:00

I'm so happy to announce that all of Cupcake's kidney tests came back completely normal! Thank all of you who thought of her, prayed for her, emailed me out of concern or spoke to me directly. It's such a relief to know that she doesn't have kidney reflux or any kind of structural abnormality. The doctor advised us to be careful with the direction in which we wipe her, but other than that, we hope it was just a fluke and won't recur. There's no guarantees, but I'm just so relieved that she's in the clear for now!

Just as a side note, she totally charmed the radiologist and techs. She cried while they did the catheterization but after she calmed down, she talked to them, smiled at them growled for them (seriously if you could hear this, you'd die, it's so funny! Note to self: MUST get this on video) and flapped her bottom lip to make the blub blub blub sound. They seemed to be amazed that she was so happy like this all the time. They said that normally they screamed non-stop from start to finish. By the time we left, I felt so proud of her for doing so well. She had barely even slept all morning, either.

What a sweet little girl I have!

Wordless Wednesday

2009-01-28T10:56:00.000-08:00

What a Party!

2009-01-26T08:27:00.001-08:00

My Punky does know how to party! We started on Friday with a "Mommy's Day". Not only did I take Chicken and Cupcake to their Aunt's house, I told her we could go to Target and spend all of her birthday money. She chose to get a swimming baby doll, a birthday cake play set and the Diamond Castle Barbie. Let me just say that Barbie, who sings the Diamond Castle songs, needs new batteries already. It's sad really. Katherine McPhee sounds very manly when her batteries are low!

Let me also say, while I knew my daughter was musical, I didn't know to what extent until she played these songs over and over again and suddenly she's singing the words, on key including the runs. What a little gifted musician I have! She gets it from me in case you were wondering.

We followed up with a trip to Jump Zone that night and Punky had a blast!

And Cupcake got her first taste of junk food thanks to Daddy...

On Saturday, we partied like it was 1999, princess style!

Then I had to blow out her candles for her because she was too embarrassed to do it herself...

But she wasn't too embarrassed to exclaim loudly to all the little girls fighting for those princesses on the cake, "No, they're mine! I'm the princess!!!!"

And to Chicken's surprise, he thoroughly enjoyed being the only Prince (that could walk at least) amongst 10 other princesses. He also thoroughly enjoyed his cupcake.

Sadly, Cupcake didn't even get a cupcake.

On your third birthday...

2009-01-23T00:00:00.000-08:00

Dear Punky,

Three years ago today, I held you in my arms for the very first time. I watched as your bottom lip pooched out-a trait I later learned you did when you were scared-and you took a breath for the first time. I watched your father, overwhelmed with emotions, tear up and look at me with a helpless look in his eyes. We were so smitten, so in love and so incredibly blessed to have you finally make us a family.

Even now, as you trudge your way into the study where I sit, rubbing your sleepy eyes and your hair all askew, I fall in love with you all over again.

This year was a big year for you: You learned to go potty all the time but you still wear diapers at night. You learned to mostly dress yourself, save the occasional backwards shirt or wrong-footed shoe. You grew from a size 2T to half way between a 3T and a 4T. You discovered Disney Princess movies, dress up, and that you liked to brush Mommy's hair.

By the time you're old enough to read this, you'll probably be rolling your eyes at the story, but you really are our little miracle. For you see, three years passed with many prayers, many tears and many months without you. My heart was empty until I found out you were growing inside of me, only I didn't know it. The first beat of your heart filled me with life.

Everything about you, from your bright blue eyes to your baby nose to your poochy (Griffin) lips, all the way down to your fat little toes (you get those from Nana by the way) creates a peace within me that's unsurpassed by worldly things. True joy, I've found lies within a single giggle, a hug, or a whispered I love you.

You're so smart. I know, all mom's say that, but you are. You're only 3 and you speak better English than me, could argue with the best of them (although you haven't figured out I always win) and sing songs with an angel's voice. You love listening to my Twilight soundtrack, Gavin Rossdale and your "New CD" even though you've had it for a year and a half - which could be any CD that isn't mine or your Daddy's - your Bible CD, your silly songs CD or a baby Einstein CD with classical music. That voice, that sings your baby dolls to sleep now will one day sing your own children to sleep. Their lives will be richer because of it.

So tomorrow, as we celebrate your birthday with your very own "Princess Party" with all your princess friends, I'll try not to cry and embarrass you. I'll try to remember that even though you're only 3, you're always going to be my little girl. You're always going to be that baby that pooched out her bottom lip and wailed at me. You're always going to be the little girl who called every flower a "lellow" because Grandma's flowers were yellow. You'll always be the little girl who stole my heart and now carries it safely tucked away in your princess purse, next to the books and baby doll things you love.

Quite simply, I'm always going to be yours.

I love you Punky,

Mommy

Growing up

2009-01-22T07:02:00.001-08:00

Tomorrow my eldest, Punky, turns three. It's bittersweet and as her party this weekend draws nearer, I'm finding its hard for me to accept she's getting older. I mean...in less than 3 years, I'll be homeschooling her. Then she'll be in high school, graduated, college, marriage, children. It sounds silly but let's face it, time flies.

I didn't have the most traditional time making a family. Three kids in three years made things fly by faster, it made me miss things. It made me put her on the back burner far too many times to tend to the two youngest. She's such a good kid, too, despite all that. I'm not bragging about my parenting skills, everyone says that about her. She's a sweet, tender hearted, affectionate kid who is incredibly musical and too smart for her own good most of the time. I've been so blessed for God to give her me.

When I think back on the fertility struggles, the three years of wondering if I would ever have a baby, I would do it all over in a heartbeat if it meant having her. My life was irrevocably changed the second I laid eyes on her and for the rest of my life, I will live for my kids and my family and God. Careers hold no meaning nor does anything else of this world as long as I can hold my growing babies in my arms and know I will always be Mommy.

Opinions are like rear ends...everyone's got 'em and some are bigger than others

2009-01-20T13:44:00.001-08:00

It's hard not to get caught up in the glamour and glitz of the inauguration. I, in fact, feel a sense of pride that our country has moved forward from racism and partiality enough to elect a black president. He's svelte, eloquent and smooth but I can't wait to see if he's more than that. I truly hope he doesn't disappoint these millions of people who are looking at him with stars in their eyes.

Someone on Dr. Phil said it best yesterday. You can go in a store right now and purchase a Barack Obama shirt with sequins and hopeful messages all over them. This man has become a celebrity, not a President. While watching the inauguration procession today, it reminded me of when Princess Diana died. The millions of people lining the streets. People crying at the sight of the car. The paparazzi going crazy. I found I was sad. Maybe it's wrong of me not to give the man the benefit of the doubt. I maintain he seems like a family oriented decent man, politics aside. He doesn't seem spiteful or mean. But I guess over the next few years we'll see what he's made of.

Let's hope he remembers, too, that he's the President of the United States and not Elvis.

The real reason bumpers are a SIDS threat...

2009-01-19T12:04:00.000-08:00

He's Coming for YOU!

2009-01-15T08:33:00.000-08:00

Punky was sitting in her carseat Sunday night as we were awaiting Hubby to get out of his deacon meeting.

"The Boogy Man is coming to get me, Mommy!" she said in a urgent voice.

I looked at her a second, afraid of who she's been talking to, worse or where she heard this. Keep in mind the only place we ever go these days is church.

"Where did you hear about the Boogy Man, Punky?"

She just grinned and said, "Cinderella told me." Yeah.right.

"The Boogy Man is so silly, " I say, trying to make sure she's not afraid. "He goes, "Boogy, boogy boogy!!!" And I danced in my seat.

"You're silly, Mommy! That's not what the Boogy Man does!"

"Then what does he do?"

"The Boogy Man eats my boogies! Here!"

Health Alert!

2009-01-13T07:15:00.000-08:00

Newsflash: Antibiotics cause mental growth spurts in children under 6 months!

Nah, just kidding. But now that Cupcake is feeling better, she's had a developmental growth spurt! Hubby and I have been fighting over her both of us saying Mama or Dada. She's been totally confused, too. But last night, while Hubby was working late and I had some extra time with them, I took advantage and just continued to repeat "mamamamamama". Her little jaw started working but no sound came out.

I praised her and praised her and continued to say it. Before I knew it, she was saying "yayayayayayaya". Not close, but progress for a 5 month old. Then "yaya" turned into "wawawawawawa". This morning she continued to perfect it and there was a definite "mama" amongst it all. WOOHOO! I win, Hubby, neener neener neeeeeeeener!

I still don't count it for her baby book until she's intentionally saying mama, but it's only a matter of time...

Oh and....I think it's time for a haircut, no?

Cupcake needs prayers...

2009-01-12T07:18:00.000-08:00

Sorry about the delay in posting. Much has been going on since I was around last.

Cupcake got sick last Thursday, running a fever and acting like she felt horrible. I figured it was more of the same of this stupid stomach bug we've all had. She's the only one I wasn't sure had gotten it. I gave her motrin and sent her to bed. Friday, my sister in law was watching the kids while I was at a doctors appointment (stupid UTI's!!!) and called me to say I should take Cupcake to the doc. Her coloring was bad, she was breathing heavy and fast, and her fever had gone up. At the pediatrician's office, they drew blood. That seemed to indicate an infection. Since she's not congested and her ears looked good, the doc catheterized her and drew urine. Sure enough, the kid has a kidney infection.

It's rare for a kid that's not even 6 months to have one. I immediately started panicking when she mentioned that she was going to have to put Cupcake through some tests. She thinks she has kidney reflux (When urine goes back up into the kidney's from the bladder) but we won't know until after the tests are done, probably some time after her well visit on the 21st. Several people at church told me yesterday that they knew kids who had this and outgrew it without any long term damage. I sincerely hope so, it's very disconcerting to feel like my kid might have a chronic illness until her body outgrows it. Apparently treatment for this is a low dose antibiotic, long term until she outgrows it. It's not guaranteed that she has it, but it seems likely since she's so young with this type of infection.

At the moment, she's responding well to the antibiotics, so we're avoiding a hospital visit. If she relapses from it, we might wind up there, but I hope not. Finding a babysitter is difficult these days!

Cupcake's distress

2009-01-08T11:16:00.000-08:00

So I haven't had to go in Cupcake's room at night since she started sleeping through the night on October 17th (I know because it was the night she turned exactly 3 months old). Imagine my surprise when she started crying at 5 am. My first thought was a growth spurt or she had flipped over. She's still not able to roll from her back to her stomach but she's got the stomach to the back down TOO well. She flips over a lot and wakes herself up. It's annoying. But she's never done it at night.

I sneak into her room, trying to make sure she doesn't see me. There she is, crying with her eyes closed on her tummy. I gave her some tylenol (she's been gnawing a lot) and moved her down in the bed so she wasn't in the corner. As I moved her, her sleeve brushed against my hand. It was wet. Her sleeve was completely covering her hand....and her thumb.

Ahhh...the poor kid had been trying to suck her thumb through her sleeper, all to no avail and finally had to call me for help. I rolled her sleeves up and snuck back out of her room.

I didn't hear from her again until 7:30 this morning, the little stinker.

Germs germs, go away.

2009-01-07T13:00:00.001-08:00

My life is FILLED with all sorts of craziness right now, not to mention my initials right now are P.M.S. Blogging right now is my way of thumbing my nose at the world and all I NEED to be doing.

This book I'm writing is burning a hole in my computer, waiting to continue. However, I fear I've backed myself in a hole and thanks to my wonderful crit partners, they've caught it for me before I got in too deep. It's a fixable problem, but it involves thinking - something I don't have a lot of time to do lately.

Cupcake is having sleep issues. She's still sleeping her usual 12 hours at night but during the day it's been a nightmare. I've introduced solids and I think her stomach may be bothering her from that. Or it could be early teething. Or it could be developmental. Who knows. All I DO know is that I'm at my wits end trying to keep the house clean (and failing miserably), keep the kids alive (that's the tricky one) and finding time for myself.

I'm almost done with the Twilight books, so that will be a relief off of me so I can focus more on writing. Those stinkin' Twilight books suck you right in!

I think we're all about over all the stomach bugs, colds and such, too. All the kids are finally ok, Punky hasn't thrown up or had diarrhea now for a couple of days. We're venturing out to church tonight for the first time as a family of 5 since before Christmas I believe. But we all know what is lurking in children's classrooms....

MORE GERMS!

Yay for us. I want a bubble suit that keeps germs away during the winter. I HATE GERMS!

Only my kid

2009-01-06T08:26:00.000-08:00

She said the green dress and necklace made her look like Drizella from Cinderella. Leave it to my kid to want to be an ugly step sister.

Still in the Christmas Spirit...

2009-01-05T07:00:00.000-08:00

The Picture by Yours Truly

2009-01-01T00:00:00.000-08:00

“Have you ever loved someone so much it hurts?”

I nodded and swallowed, not believing that he was actually going to tell me - a virtual stranger - about something so personal.

“I didn’t know her until about this time two years ago. She came into my life like a tornado. By the time I realized I couldn’t let her go, she was already gone. I’ve never felt that helpless. Never. I watched the only person I’ve ever really loved waste away with cancer. But what hurts even more than that, if it’s possible, was her spirit. You wouldn’t believe the amount of spunk.”

But I could.

“And I watched that die, too,” he added softly.

Silent tears streamed down my face and from the sound of Nicholas’s voice, he was crying, too. He sniffed and exhaled against my hair. “Sorry,” he apologized. “I’m a wreck tonight. Today is her birthday. She couldn’t wait for her birthday. She said it made her wiser.” His grin echoed in his voice.

“What was her name?” I asked even though I knew the answer.

“Emily,” he whispered.

For those of you who don't know, I resolve to make this year MY year to get published. It's not completely in my hands, but I'm going to do everything possible, starting with this story. It has the potential to be huge. I just have to make sure I don't mess it up. What are your thoughts on this? If you read this on the inside cover, would you want to read more? BE HONEST.

What I learned in 2008

2008-12-31T13:53:00.000-08:00

10. I can deliver my third child in as many years (who, last year, made the list for my accomplishment in being the 0.01% of women who get pregnant on birth control).

9. I can lose weight (gaining it back doesn't count now, see my last post!).

8. I can become a part of something, namely the Passionate Critter's online critique group. This above all else has motivated more than anything has in years to become what I've always dreamed of - a writer. You're awesome, girls!

7. I can stay mostly sane while raising three kids under three...well, a little anyway.

6. I can move into a new house while 7 months pregnant. It gave a whole new meaning to nesting!

5. I can fall even more in love with Hubby. I love to see him smile.

4. I won't die if I puke. My brain still thinks I can but last week proved that's not always the case.

3. I can live without a gallbladder.

2. I have an amazing network of friends and family who, despite my protests and contradictions love me. Maybe just part of me, but they love me nonetheless.

1. I have, quite simply, a great life.

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!

At least I lost weight

2008-12-30T08:11:00.000-08:00

During the holidays, I stressed because out of the 6 pounds it took me 4 months to lose, I had gained 5 back. I was seriously contemplating a temporary life of anorexia (because, let's just face it, with a phobia of puking, bulimia is out of the question). I was quite angry with myself for letting it happened, began stressing over the fact that if I finally did get the 15-20 pounds off that I've been working for, it would just come right back. But now....oh, now I know the secret.

You just get a stomach virus followed by a cold. Snot might not have much nutritional value, but it sure does curb the appetite.

6 pounds in 14 days is a number I will certainly take! I even, at one point, saw a 1-3-8 together again for the first time since right after Punky was born. It was a happy reunion. Of course, that was when my colon decided it was on strike and hubby confirmed his theory:

I really was full of crap.

The Christmas that never really was

2008-12-28T19:31:00.001-08:00

I have to say, this could quite possibly have been the worst Christmas I've ever had. It even rivals the Christmas I had chicken pox and I didn't think that was possible.

Let's see, where to begin? You all know I had surgery on the 17th. I was healing up really well when I made my last post. Low and behold, that night I went to get my nails done, I started feeling really bad. I had a horrible headache all day and it was getting worse and I was also getting REALLY nauseous. By 11 pm I was puking and by 1 am I was running a fever. All day Christmas Eve was spent in bed feeling gross and trying not to do more than breathe. Thanks to me, Hubby had to take yet another day off work to take care of the kids.

Christmas Day was relatively ok. Cupcake threw up that morning but I think now it's because we forgot her reflux medicine instead of her getting the virus. The kids enjoyed their presents but because of the large crowd at my in-law's house with some 15+ children and the contamination I was sure they had, we stayed home and Hubby went over to eat Christmas dinner. I was by myself and still feeling pretty rotten although better.

Thankfully, no one else got sick overnight. We spent the day with my side of the family on the 26th. It was a crazy day but by that night, my sinus's started bothering me. I thought at first maybe it was something in my parent's house as they're always burning candles or incense. Nope. By the time we left the house I was in a full blown sinus attack: sneezing, coughing, watery and itchy eyes. UGH. I'm still plagued with it and it doesn't seem to be getting any better to be quite honest.

There's more to it - the lack of eating during all this has left me ridiculously weak, needing to take some antibiotics that upset my stomach, etc., that I have just felt like BUTT for a week and a half now. I'm so ready to just feel like myself again. And I'm definitely ready for my immune system to get back to where it needs to be. I don't really feel like I'm ready for Hubby to go back to work yet, but he's got to go back at some point and all this has left him negative on leave. I'm praying the new toys will occupy them so I don't have to do too much tomorrow.

The important thing during all of this is we enjoyed plenty of together time (probably not quite what Hubby had in mind given my absence, however), and we all had a great Christmas gift wise. Let's just hope New Year's is better for me!

Sour much?

2008-12-23T06:16:00.000-08:00

It's no secret, I don't allow my kids to be picky eaters. It's as simple as that. They eat a reasonable amount of food on their plate (I don't make them clean it, I don't think that's healthy, either), but they either eat their veggies, throw up, or go to bed hungry. I was never made to eat when I was little and my kids won't be unhealthy.

It's also not a secret that I waited as long as possible to start Cupcake on solids. I don't know why it's such a burden to me to feed them solids, but it is. I guess it's just one more thing on my endless to-do list that must get done. I've started seeing signs that Cupcake was ready for solids and hungry even after formula, so I bit the bullet this morning and decided to start her on pears. I've started all of my kiddos on pears. Punky loved them, Chicken hated them and threw up for a week every time I gave them to him, and Cupcake...well the above picture pretty much speaks for itself. She wasn't a fan.

And she promptly threw up right after this picture was taken.

Time waits for no one

2008-12-22T08:05:00.000-08:00

I'm pretty much healed from my surgery. My incisions are still sore so it hurts to lift my rather large children, but as the title says...time waits for no one. Today was hubby's first day back to work since my surgery. I had to hit the ground running. I woke up at 7 and folded a weeks worth of laundry. I fed my kiddos. I did dishes. I'm doing more laundry. I still have to squeeze in some Christmas crafts with the kids because after tomorrow, we're going to have three days of Christmas celebrations with our families. The 24th and 25th with Hubby's family, and the 26th with my family.

*Sigh* Punky is getting so big and has an even bigger heart. She found out accidentally that my favorite thing in the world is to have someone brush my hair, so every night since my surgery, she has gotten her brush after her bath and stood behind me on the couch and brushed my hair. Occasionally, she'll lean around and smile at me and say, "Does this make you feel all better, Mommy?" The hair brushing goes a long way, sweetheart, but that smile of yours makes Mommy's boo boo's all better.

Chicken is obsessed with looking at my bandaged stomach. He loves to grab my shirt and pull it up and exclaim loudly, "BAH BOO!" (roughly translated to boo boo). He's not big on physical affection but there's nothing in the world that compares to the moment I walk into a room and he yells, "Mommy!" and comes running to me to hug my knees. The day will come I will want to change my name, but right now, I cherish his sweet declarations and know that time is fleeting. Before I know it, another woman will replace me and his trademark smile won't be here every day, lighting up the room.

Cupcake is growing by leaps and bounds. She's only perfected rolling from her stomach to her back but she wants to do so much more. We got her a bumbo seat for Christmas and I know she's going to love sitting up like her brother and sister. She's such a mama's girl and can only tolerate Daddy and others in short increments before she wants me again. I'm ok with that as long as she stays little a little longer. Just this morning when I was burping her, she laid her little (ok, big) head on my shoulder and snuggled with me. Her fuzzy hair tickled my cheek and when she raised up to look at me, she smiled that innocent baby smile - the purest form of happiness on earth.

Punky is most excited about Christmas. She's spotted her wrapped presents and will gently touch them and look up at me, "What's under there, Mommy?" I grin because I know Christmas is going to be wonderful for her this year because she finally gets it. She's gotten everything she wanted on her list so far except moon sand and I'm not budging an inch on that one. I don't think Chicken understands the anticipation of christmas this year, but I know when he gets to open his gifts, he's going to be in heaven.

So, merry christmas to you! May each of you get everything you wanted and spend these special times with family and friends!

If Thy Gallbladder offends thee...

2008-12-17T16:20:00.001-08:00

...pluck it out!

I'm back with one less organ. I had surgery this morning and everything was very textbook and mechanical. Surgery lasted a total of 38 minutes and I was in recovery, albeit a little sore from the gas and intubation. The doc said I had a lot of small (1/8 of an inch) gallstones. Those are probably the kind that are just small enough to get wedged in the ducts and cause problems later on, so I'm glad I had it done. He also said it was really easy to get my gallbladder out (only 2 incisions instead of the normal 3 or 4!) because I had good anatomy and was so skinny.

Did I mention I'm marrying him?

And all that sleep and such I was looking forward to? It ain't happenin'. I slept a total of 15 minutes today aside from the surgery and have only needed one pain killer all stinkin' day. I'm glad I'm not in any pain, but I'm certainly disappointed I can't sleep more. I don't know if it's just the fact that the last time I had surgery I didn't have kids or what, but I can't seem to settle down enough to rest. I've been up doing minimal parenting and feeding Cupcake but otherwise taking it easy.

My biggest complaint is I feel like they shoved the arm of a cactus down my throat!

Only one funny story to relate. I just went to a surgery center, so it was very "numberish." You get put in a cube with a curtain for a door and wait. And wait. And wait some more. Then one by one you watch as the nurses move closer to your cube to take you.

And let me just tell you, the "happy" shot was good enough to make me contemplate becoming an addict...

Recovery was sort of the same way as pre-op only there was just curtains for walls instead of cubes. Two people down from me was a fairly large aged man that I'm assuming had just had a colonoscopy. The nurse kept saying really loud, "Bear down and push out the gas, sir! Bear down like you're having a baby."

Even in my groggy, doped up state I was thinking: Number one, he's a man. Number two, he's never had a baby. Number three, I'm REALLY glad he's not next to me.

Just give him a TV, a remote and rest will take care of itself.

I came home to one of my best friends bringing me some beautiful flowers. My mother in law got us dinner. And a few of my friends from church are bringing me dinner through Monday night.

It's times like this you realize how very blessed you are! (and not just because the fat man wasn't next to me!)

Gallbladder

2008-12-11T18:23:00.000-08:00

It's official. That little organ in my body that I'm sure serves SOME sort of vital importance (despite what the docs say) is getting removed. On Wednesday. The 17th.

Yes, that's 8 days before Christmas. I hope the doc is right and my down time really will be 3-5 days. It also gave me an awesome excuse to NOT have to do much during Christmas. I'll probably only make a cheese ball and a few other things to take to my moms and otherwise claim maimed.

So, I ask that you say a prayer for me for a successful surgery and a speedy, painless recovery. I'm quite a bit nervous...not about the surgery itself, but for those who know me and about my puking phobia....

As long as they keep me from puking afterwards, I can deal with anything! (Funny how that works, huh?)

Nature? I think not...

2008-12-09T19:07:00.001-08:00

When Punky was born, I rushed to her side every time she made a whimper. I was terrified of her not breathing during the night. I changed her bib every time she spit up (which was a LOT, let me just tell you.). I changed her diaper when she passed gas. After all, something must have come out with that, right? Crying it out was out of the question (and still is), because she gets so upset she throws up. I was tough with discipline and was so consistent, I scared myself (or impressed I'm not sure which). She got exactly 8 ounces of whole milk precisely at 7, 11, 3 and 7. She slept from 7 pm to 7 am. Bedtime has never, is never and will never be up for discussion with any of my kids.

Punky is my most demanding child but the easiest to mold.

When Chicken was born, he got thrown in the swing while Punky had toddled off to get into mischief (after all, she was only 13 months old when he was born). I checked on him during the night when I got up to pee to make sure he was still breathing. I change his diaper only when it's sagging between his knees. I had three kids in diapers earlier this year, I know the value of a dollar these days. He gets to cry it out (within reason) when he's going to bed or being left in Bible class. The discipline was dropped to only the worst offenses and only if I wasn't feeding Cupcake (but I'm getting better and so is he). When he decides he's ready to do something he does it (like potty training, he's doing great!) He gets approximately 8 ounces of milk 3 or 4 times a day. He sleeps from 7 pm to 8 am.

Chicken gets his feelings hurt easily but is my most independent child.

When Cupcake was born, I hit the ground running. She gets thrown in the bouncy seat to entertain herself because the swing no longer works. I slept like a rock after she was born - I don't even get up to pee. I change her diaper MAYBE 4 times a day and usually only if she's poopy. She has been left to cry it out when there has been no other option, but has proven to me that she's more stubborn than I am in this regard. She's a thumbsucker and usually doesn't require much soothing unless she's overtired. She gets a 6 ounce bottle at 8, 12, 4 and 7. She might or might not drink it all. She sleeps from 7 pm to 8 am.

Cupcake is my most content baby but also my most vocal.

Every day I realized more and more how every decision I make molds my children into the adults they will one day become. God has bestowed a huge responsibility and blessing on me to give me that opportunity. Raising my voice to get my kids attention will ultimately teach them to be bossy and yell (Punky is a mini-me and we're both having to work through this). Saying NO, CHICKEN all the time results in Chicken's first sentence of "No Pobby!" (No potty) after telling him he couldn't go potty for the 103rd time in an hour. EVERYTHING affects our children. I'm not saying there isn't nature. Disposition is nature but that doesn't mean it's not our responsibility to mold their disposition once they're here. It's scary yet exhilarating all at the same time. I look forward to seeing who my children are in 20 years.

You do the math...do you think it's nature or nurture?

Feeling sorry for myself...again.

2008-12-08T09:53:00.000-08:00

I've been away for awhile, haven't I? I did the blog giveaway last week to allow me to NOT blog for a week so I could get caught up. What happened? I got further behind. Christmas threw up in my house. Chicken keeps slicing his finger open on some unknown Christmas object he finds fascinating. He refuses to tell me what it is.

Chicken has also discovered he's ready to "bobby." That means "Potty" for those of you who don't speak Chicken. He tells me when he needs to go although it's not every time. Toddler underwear in his stocking, there will be.

I'm also a week late for my cycle. Don't get all excited. Hubby's been neutered, so I should be in the clear. But I'm figuring my PCOS is back. It explains the "funk" I've been in (hormones going crazy), the horrific sweet cravings (not a new thing there, but it's almost impossible to resist these days), my hair falling out, irritability, and the list goes on. It's depressing (did I mention the depression?). Between each of my pregnancies and my last three cycles, I've had perfect 28 cycles. I felt great. And now, everything is out of whack again. I mean, what else could go wrong? I'm losing track of all my medical problems. This week alone, I have a urologist appointment and my surgeon appointment for the gallbladder surgery. I'm so weepy it's pathetic.

Everyone tells me, "Oh, I never had a problem with my cycles after I had kids, they were perfect." Coming from women who had problems like I did before they had kids. My mom, my mother in law, several of my friends...I was convinced when they came back normal that I was going to be like them. Apparently not.

I've got a call into my OB/GYN to ask his advice on what to do. We decreased my medication for PCOS and I'm wondering if that has anything to do with it. Or the fact I didn't lactate longer (apparently that helps PCOS). I'm so thoroughly disgusted with my body I could puke.

I guess never eating vegetables is catching up with me.

And the winner is....

2008-12-05T06:55:00.000-08:00

....DysFUNctional Mom! Please email me with your preference - you can choose between the first book in the series or two tickets to see the movie. If you choose the book, please email me your address.

If I don't hear from you by Monday at noon, another winner will be chosen! So hurry it up! ;oD

Stay tuned...

2008-12-05T06:45:00.001-08:00

Punky and I are about to announce the winners...they should be up no later than noon central time...

Twilight Christmas Giveaway

2008-11-30T01:00:00.000-08:00

Ahhh...this is hard for me to admit and I don't even know why now. But I'm totally on the Twilight bandwagon now. I heard all the hype, scoffed, turned my nose up, thought I was too old, you know. What could possibly be so intriguing about a silly little high school vampire book/movie. And what could possibly be written in them that hasn't already been written a bazillion times before?

Well, let me tell you. It starts with Edward and ends with Cullen.

I chose to read the first book over Thanksgiving (in 2 days I might add). From about page 10, I was sucked in. I couldn't put the thing down. It was like Edward was "dazzling" me right through the pages (if you've read it, you know what I'm referring to, here). Bella was so sweet and awkward and charmingly clumsy that I couldn't help be intrigued. I simply can't explain to you how good this book is. I'm chomping at the bit to read the others in the series, but I've asked for them for Christmas so I have to wait a few more weeks (so no one better spoil it for me!). And if no one gets them for me, I'm going to be one grumpy mama come christmas day!

So immediately after I finished reading the book on Saturday, I bought tickets for me, hubby, my sister in law, brother in law and cousin for the 8:30 showing that night. I have to admit, I was shocked by how much the movie was like the book, right down to their conversations. Of course, there were small differences, but nothing that jeopardized the integrity of the book.

The only bad thing about the movie was this: Bella's blinking drove me absurdly mad. I wanted her to do nothing more than get whatever it was out of her eyes! And Edward - don't hate me people - just wasn't what I envisioned. Hubby thought he did a great job of portraying a vampire, but in all honesty, he just didn't do it for me. If I saw that Edward in the school parking lot, I wouldn't have given him a second glance. Now, don't get me wrong. He was passable. He had his moments when he and Bella's relationship grew more comfortable that he relaxed and wasn't so awkward. But the Edward in the book didn't seem so awkward to me. 100 year old vampire awkward, yes. Retarded awkward, no.

Personally, after seeing Shane West in A Walk to Remember, I think he would have made a much better Edward and done a better interpretation. But that's just my opinion, so don't get your panties in a wad.

So, in light of this holiday season (and Hubby's raise), I'm holding a belated giveaway to get all of you lurkers and commenters alike to have a chance to get to know Bella and Edward. The winner can choose between the first book in the series, or 2 movie tickets specifically for Twilight. All you have to do is leave me a comment and I will randomly draw a name. If you have a blog and link me on your site, you can leave me a second comment telling me about the link and you will be entered in the drawing twice. The deadline is December 4th at noon CENTRAL TIME to enter. The winner will be announced on Friday, December 5, 2008. This post will remain up until then in order for me to give everyone an opportunity to comment and get your names in the drawing!

Good luck!

SQUEEEEEEEE!!!!!

2008-11-30T00:00:00.000-08:00

Holy cow, I did it. I ACTUALLY DID IT, PEOPLE! I, Stephanie, finished the NaNoWriMo. Not just finished, WON. I'm ecstatic. I'm excited. I'm all giddy-schoolgirl-like. I'm...horrified!

Yes, horrified. If I can finish a novel consisting of 50,000 words (51,726 to be exact), what excuse could I possibly give myself or anyone else not to finish the rest that lay in waiting in the little folder on my desktop creatively entitled "Manuscripts"?

I'm actually really excited about the book. I didn't do a conventional NaNoWriMo. I actually just used this month to finish this one up. It was already about 35,000 words before I started. But progress is progress and I have about 30 other ones that far along that I need to work on, too. At this rate I'll be done in...30 years!

I have some other really exciting news. I was accepted to a really amazing critique group . I've only been a member for a week and I can tell you right now, these ladies are so wonderful. I can be myself and joke without them getting all offended. In fact, they actually seem to enjoy my sense of humor (I know, give them time.). I have no doubt that this is the next step I needed to make in my writing career. Hopefully, with these wonderful women to help me, I'll be able to get published much sooner! Now if I could just get un-intimidated...

I hope everyone had a great Thanksgiving! My gallbladder tolerated everything ok on Thanksgiving Day, but shopping at 6:00 am on Black Friday having a mild (thank goodness) attack got a little tricky.

Things I'm thankful for this year:

2008-11-26T00:00:00.000-08:00

In no particular order:

10. Hubby's raise

9. My hubby and babies

8. Hubby's raise

7. I'm writing (and reading) again.

6. Hubby's raise

5. My relatively good health.

4. Hubby's raise

3. My church family and friends.

2. Hubby's raise

1. I'm not pregnant again this year. This is the first Thanksgiving in 3 years I haven't been pregnant.

I intend to enjoy it as much as my gallbladder will allow. Happy Thanksgiving to you all!

Living with the barest of essentials, Stephanie Style

2008-11-25T00:00:00.000-08:00

In 4th grade, my vision blurred. I needed glasses.

In 5th grade, I had 4 permanent teeth removed to make room for the rest of my teeth.

In 6th grade I got braces.

In 7th grade, I replaced glasses with contacts and have worn them ever since.

In 8th grade, I got my braces removed.

The year after I graduated, I got my 4 wisdom teeth pulled. Yes, that makes 8 permanent teeth removed from my head.

In 2001 I was diagnosed with PCOS.

In 2004, two days after Christmas, I had surgery to remove parts of my ovaries so I could get pregnant. Apparently, it worked like a charm.

In 2006 I removed Punky from my body.

In 2007 I booted Chicken.

In 2008 I evicted Cupcake.

Now, it appears in 2009, possibly even before the end of this year if I have my way, I (well, the doctor) will be removing my gallbladder. My ultrasound revealed stones therefore the perfect explanation to my intense heartburn and those intense attacks I've been having.

Talk about getting old. Apparently I know now what my next milestone in life is: Getting things removed or replaced.

Oil and Water

2008-11-24T13:34:00.000-08:00

Remember hubby's task of getting all his new job prospects to give him the most money? Well, his current place of employment wanted him so bad they BEAT the offer by $1100!!! So now we're going to be around $1000 richer every month and will make for a lot less stress!

So I decide upon hearing the news that I must celebrate by buying new clothes. After giving birth to Cupcake, everything has shifted to places that I didn't know I had and nothing fits right. It sucks. I must have tried on 50 shirts. That's all I really needed until I lose the rest of my weight (which will have to be after the first of the year, duh).

I slowly came to the realization that I just don't know what I should wear and no amounts of watching What Not to Wear will clue me in. No one on that show has ever been shaped like me. They use comparison of the apple vs the pear shape but they have NEVER EVER dealt with the Humpty Dumpty shape. I'm not kidding, stop laughing. Big boobs, big belly, sticks for limbs, flat butt, back fat that looks like your head is on backwards. I mean, has anyone else in the history of the world been shaped as oddly as me? Sure, you can say you are or know someone but I'll just flat out tell ya right now to get over yourself. I've definitely got you beat.

I did find a couple of shirts that I thought would look good AFTER I bought that gut cinching corset that I'm convinced was three sizes too small even though it said XL (it's amazing how two little letters can be such a blow to your ego). But apparently corsets don't actually get RID of your fat, it just squishes it somewhere else. I didn't get the memo on that one.

I stood outside of Old Navy at our local "hip" hangout and observed people who looked to be around my age. They wore their skinny jeans tucked in their cute little furry boots. They wore layers that intimidated me that I would never be able to match up if my life depended on it. They had cute accessories that I instantly loved on them but would hate on me. But one thing that I did notice I had that blended in was the hip hair do. My stylist is just simply amazing. I got it cut Saturday morning before my shopping adventure and thought after getting it cut, it would somehow make clothes look better on me. What was I thinking? A t-shirt, jeans and tennis shoes does a cute bob stacked in the back a serious injustice. I looked down right frumpy.

So even though I joked about it before, I realized this weekend with certainty I'm old. Not necessarily physically, but mentally. I'd rather spend the money on my kids than deal with having to figure out what I'm supposed to be wearing. Looking stylish is work. Women like OHMommy intimidates me with their stilettos and chic clothes. I need those people to be my personal shoppers or at the very least give me a do and don't list.

Clothes and me? Oil and water, baby.

Oh, Son...

2008-11-21T10:44:00.000-08:00

Dear Chicken,

This year for Christmas, we will be buying you MANY boy toys. Among them will be guns, noisy *annoying* robots and dinosaurs, cars, action figures, etc. We must somehow convey to you that discarding your batman costume with a really cool mask (see bottom right of picture) only to replace it with your sisters white dress shoes is not acceptable. And that tutu you wanted to put on this morning? I burned it when Punky wasn't looking.

And perhaps, if you're really good, we'll throw in some pants as a stocking stuffer.

Love,

Mommy

Top Ten Ways to Know You're Getting Old - from personal experience

2008-11-20T07:10:00.000-08:00

10. You find a new gray hair everyday. Apparently pulling them out does make two grow back, only in strategic places on your head.

9. Your done having kids.

8. Your boobs sag.

7. You have heartburn all the time.

6. Stress gives you possible ulcers.

5. Sex makes your knees hurt.

4. You have hemorroids. Thanks, Punky, Chicken and Cupcake. Appreciate it. (Sorry, TMI)

3. You're fingers cramp up when you try to do something like make baby bracelets.

2. Drinking caffeine at 5 pm gives you insomnia until 2 am.

1. You look forward to all the rest you'll get in the nursing home.

The Chosen One

2008-11-18T17:55:00.001-08:00

Silver platter is to Hubby as Murphy is to me.

Seriously, I've never met someone in my entire life who seems to just have everything fall at his feet. Don't get me wrong, this time it benefits us all, but it's really quite disgusting and several people I know will probably send me hate mail when they're done reading this.

Here's a few examples:

Hubby decides he'd like to learn to draw. He gets a how-to book and some drawing supplies and voila! He can draw. I'm serious. Just.like.that.
Hubby thinks he'll up and start a photography business with his best friend. VOILA! He got his first paying "real" gig a few weeks later with a local fire department (and he's done a few weddings and baby pictures on his own for friends that also paid).
Hubby wants to go for a ride in a ultra-light. Some guy offers to take him up for free on his next flight and lets him fly. This wasn't my idea and I seriously loathe the guy for fueling the fire. If I ever see him out, my death rays will stop him cold.
Hubby is adored by everyone. He's one of those guys that people inherently flock to because he's trustworthy, quiet and sincere. This is not for the Hubby mentioned to get a big head. I'm simply saying it's annoying, really (but in a sickeningly sweet way).
Hubby decides he wants to do a little job searching and see if he can get a bargaining chip to get more money since he's about 15K underpaid for his line of work and years of experience. VOILA! He gets TWO offers. He interviewed on Friday with one company and gets an offer on Tuesday for 15K more than he's making. The place he used to work found out he was looking again and contacted him and said they would give him what he needed money-wise as long as they could have him back. Now he's faced with the daunting, oh-so-tiring task of playing them all against each other to see who has the highest bid.

I mean seriously? SERIOUSLY?! Since Hubby and I are married, why on earth is Murphy not joking on him, too? If nothing else, Murphy is an in-law and I'm personally close to all of mine so Murphy is just being Murphy by leaving Hubby out of all this.

I went to the doc today and got fairly good news. He didn't seem too worried about an ulcer or hernia, but rather gave me the blanketed diagnosis of gastroenteritis (which essentially means he's got no clue until he takes a gander at my innards and squeezes all the money he can from insurance company). I still have to have an ultrasound on Friday morning and go for an endoscopy next Wednesday (yes, the only day I have free from the kiddos and the only day I have to cook my obligated appetizers for Thanksgiving at my mom's). I have to be put to sleep for it and can expect to be there for 3 hours. Go me. At least I'll get to sleep...

But, I'm seriously glad Hubby got the job offer. As I mentioned, it benefits us all and puts us in a MUCH better position. We've never been in much debt or lived above our means but it will certainly be nice to be able to put away for college (after all, Murphy wins in the future, too, with three kids in college practically at the same time), retirement (I'll be lucky if I make it), and family vacations (is there even such a thing?). I might actually can spend a little money on a bra that doesn't scrape a hole in my back or have a strap that constantly falls down my shoulders (does aforementioned seriously even exist?). That alone is enough to bring out the violence in me.

Better me dealing with Murphy than you, honey. I'm happy to save you from this never ending torture. Just remember, a good foot massage always has the potential to set my day right again, no matter how bad it was. And one day? If Murphy decides to come back and bite you in the butt...I simply don't know if I'll laugh or cry.

Probably both.

I need rehab

2008-11-17T13:56:00.001-08:00

This week is going to be a really chaotic week (just the kind of stress I need right now, huh?). I realized this morning with Hubby on a business trip until tomorrow night, I needed all the energy I could get, so I fell off the wagon.

Funny, I even went through caffeine withdrawal headaches and everything only to start drinking again. HA, I really do know what junkies feel like now, I just never thought I'd be a tea junky. I mean, my father was an alcoholic and druggy, so I have the addiction gene, but tea? Even if it is imported South African tea and the absolute smoothest, yummiest stuff I've ever tasted in my life, looks like I could give it up for awhile for the sake of a possible ulcer right? Yeah, apparently not. But, on the positive side, at least it is just tea!

Hubby left for a business trip this morning and will be returning late tomorrow evening. Tomorrow during the day, I get to start the day off with Cupcakes 4 month checkup (complete with shots), my gastro doc appointment tomorrow afternoon. Wednesday is church and preparing for a craft show on Thursday. Thursday is the craft show. Friday is reserved for any test the gastro doc wants to do. Saturday is Cupcakes 3 month...er...4 month pictures that we never got around to. Sunday, church. Somewhere in between all this I have to find time to do Thanksgiving food shopping, take down my ...ahem...Halloween decorations, and finish the NANO, which take precedence for me right now since I don't do much for myself these days and I'm only about 6000 words away from being FINITO!

Thankfully, my awesome mother-in-law has offered to take my kiddos next Wednesday, which I will have to be doing some cooking and such for Thanksgiving at my mom's (just stick a fork in me, I'll be done for sure after that!), and hopefully be able to get a few days of rest while family is up from Florida and will no doubt want to see the kids. As it stands, I'm going 90 to nothing for the next week and a half, so if you see me around this blog after tomorrow (I'll post a doc update), rest assured it's 100% certain I'm avoiding doing something far more important.

If I decide to be responsible, Happy Thanksgiving!

Pray for me, please!

2008-11-14T07:34:00.000-08:00

Well, I didn't post yesterday mainly because I had another attack night before last and wound up in the ER for 5 hours. I walked away afterwards with not a lot of information, less sleep only to have to go to my family doc almost as soon as I woke up. I was going on about 3 hours of sleep the whole night.

My family doc is concerned I have a hiatal hernia or an ulcer. My gallbladder doesn't cause the symptoms I'm having, so joy of joy's I get to go to the gastroenterologist and start a battery of tests on Tuesday. I'm probably going to have to do a barium swallow first and if that doesn't show anything, an endoscopy is probably next. Of course, I prefer the pill cam but I doubt I'll get off that easy, cause you know how Murphy loves me!

So...I don't get my morning cup of tea anymore - it was time to stop relying on that every morning anyway. I'm back on the Nexium and feel a lot better this morning except for the caffeine withdrawal headache from the tea. Wouldn't it figure I try to do something good for myself by getting off the Nexium and not relying so much on medications, only to cause myself an ulcer or worse. UGH. Anyway, I digress.

So I say all of this to say please pray for me. My mom won't be coming to help me, I've made arrangements so I don't have to "bother" her during all of this. Whatever is in the near future for me I just pray, and ask that you do as well, that it will be diagnosed with the least amount of invasiveness as possible. I'm fairly confident it's nothing overly serious, but I'm more worried about all those stupid tests I'll have to do.

And at some point I suppose I need to shower today. I think it's been since Wednesday morning. G.R.O.S.S.

Mother gripe

2008-11-13T00:00:00.000-08:00

Ok, so remember how I mentioned I think I'm having gallbladder problems? I call my mom after church to see if she could come stay with me next week since Hubby will be on an overnight business trip and I've got my doc's appointment. No doubt I will probably have to schedule a few additional appointments for tests and such next week as well. All she had to do was pack her bags and I'd come pick her up.

Her response? "Well..................I GUESS I could come for a day or two, but I really need to be sewing." (She has a doll clothing line she sells on ebay for literally next to nothing and makes NO money at it at all - not to mention my step-dad has told me before that she doesn't do as much as she tells me she does.) So it was a big fat excuse again.

I'm sorry. I hate to keep complaining about things, but my mom is one sore subject. I grew up in a NOT FUN household with her and after 28 years I just can't get past how my mom often acts like she HATES me. I know she doesn't. I know it was how she was raised and how she was never given the opportunity I've been given to get out of a dead beat town and explore LIFE.

I constantly have to rely on my in-laws for things. My sister in law already graciously accepted watching the kids during my appointment Tuesday and she works from home making real money. I waste her valuable time having to ask her to watch them while I go to stinkin' appointments all the time. She's never complained and always seemed happy to do it for me. Thank you, Melissa. I was TRYING to save you from having to come over but it looks like my plan has gone up in smoke.

But why oh why can't my mother WANT to spend time with me and her grandchildren? I got a bum dad AND a bum mom. Boy, I sure did get lucky in the parental department, huh? But you know, I still say that all of that led me here where I am today.

I'll always feel an empty space where my mother should be. We've never been close and while I can admit that I don't all I could to make sure we are, it began long before I had the social skills to maintain a relationship. And furthermore, it shouldn't be all on me. She should get off her lazy behind sometime and make something happen for herself. Stop making all those excuses because it requires effort. I honestly can't imagine EVER not wanting to be with my kids. If any of them lived only two hours away, no matter what my circumstance, I'd do everything I could to see them at least every few weeks.

Would you, or am I being obtuse?

Mindless boredom

2008-11-12T00:00:00.000-08:00

Seriously people. I'm all sorts of bored here in my neck of the woods. The strange part? I've got a to-do list a mile long. I left off scrap booking for my children somewhere around Punky's fourth day of life. Almost three years and two more kids later, I've got a bin FULL of stuff that I need to put in them, not to mention all that cutesy expensive stuff like stickers and colorful paper. Why don't I just do it, you ask? Good question. When I figure out the answer I'll let you know.

And weight watchers? Yeah. Bored with that, too, which scares the pants off me. I'll get to 139.5 and lose my motivation again because I'm "in the one-thirties" again. UGH. I've been in the "one-thirties" again approximately 3 point four times and blow it. I told myself earlier today I was just going to have to quit trying until the new year. Then I made myself cookies. And now I feel like butt. Yes, butt. I always feel this way after I eat junk and I don't know why it's so appealing to me.

And last night I had one of those weird, scary episodes i had when I was pregnant and my OB thought it was my gallbladder. Up until last night I was certain this was just the heartburn. And since I'm off all medication for that it made sense that it was still just that. But then it kept getting worse and worse until we had to call the in-laws to sit with the kids so I could go to the hospital. About 10 minutes later, it subsided and was over so I didn't go. It seems too high to be heartburn, which I'm good and familiar with, but after drinking some Maalox, that's when it went away. Oh well, I've got a gastroenterologist appointment next Tuesday that will hopefully get to the bottom of it. All I can say is that better not EVER happen again or I'll take whatever it is in there out myself.

And have you ever had one of those annoying jumping muscles in your body that just drives you CRAZY? I've got one of those on the inside of my right knee right now and it's driving me positively batty.

I think I need prozac.

What else is on my to-do list? Let's see....

1. Finish up the rest of the hair bows I need to get done before the craft show next Thursday.

2. Clean house (this is not necessarily second on my list, it's a slippery little sucker that sometimes falls right to the bottom)

3. Inject muscle relaxer directly into offending muscle in knee

4. Take a shower (sadly, this one tends to battle with #2 for dead last on my to-do list). I mean, am I seriously the only person on EARTH who only showers like MAYBE 3 times a week? If I know you, don't EVER tell me you read this. On second thought, even if I don't know you don't ever tell me you read this.

5. Organize almost every aspect of my life - from house, to hair bows to kids.

6. Figure out a way to make more money. Now that you-know-who is going to be in office, financial security is no longer in our vocabulary.

7. Finish writing book for NaNoWriMo. WILL.FINISH.

8. Get more sleep.

9. Invent disposable clothing so I NEVER have to wash clothes again. Seriously, if they can come up with disposable diapers and disposable bibs, we can do clothes, too. It's the wave of the future, just you wait.

10. Get out of my funk. It can't last much longer or can it?

There are a million other REAL things I have to do (like Christmas shopping, etc), but none of those seemed blog worthy.

Well, it's time I wrap up and get started doing....

NOTHING.

Calling all critique partners!

2008-11-11T07:03:00.000-08:00

I'm in need of a few critique partners for my latest WIP. If anyone is interested in reading a romance, please let me know. I'm looking for possibly 3 people to exchange work with. I've been out of the writing loop for awhile, so I need some people to keep me motivated and my brain active (and to be understanding since I have three kids under 3 right now).

Let's get it on, people!

Oh Hubby Dear...I do love you.

2008-11-10T00:00:00.000-08:00

I don't talk about Hubby very often. Usually not at all because quite frankly he asked me not to. But today, I find myself unable to keep that promise.

Hubby has an odd sense of humor. To be honest, that's part of why I love him so much. For the most part, we mesh quite well in that department. Well, except for movies. He's more of a Jim Carrey or a Adam Sandler kinda guy where I'm more of a realistic kind of humor. But I digress.

The one thing we can always agree on is bodily function humor. I know, all you loyal readers out there probably think I'm obsessed with that. I've said it before. And, maybe I really am, but I simply can't NOT laugh at a kid passing gas, or my husband coming up with new phrases.

He's never been much of a baby person. Cupcake is sleeping through the night now so things are better in our house, but Hubby simply doesn't like the baby stage. He says after 6 months he's ok, but he likes it when he can wrestle with them and rough house. So anytime Cupcake utters a peep he comes up with a new nickname.

The phrase for the day?

Butt Nugget. Butt.Nugget. Cupcake is Daddy's little Butt Nugget.

The second Hubby called her this I couldn't help it. I died laughing. I mean, father's are supposed to be all smitten with their little girls and call them stuff like Princess and Sweetheart or Cupcake. But my hubby with the odd sense of humor?

Butt Nugget.

Sorry, Cupcake. When you read this, I promise this is your father's way of saying I heart you. I see the telltale look in his eyes when you smile at him and despite his effort to the contrary is enjoying every minute of being with you.

I just hope he doesn't call you this on your wedding day...

Near death experience

2008-11-06T07:25:00.000-08:00

Meet Mr. Cat, our first casualty of the day.

I barely managed to rescue him from Chicken's evil clutches as he mercilessly gave him a swirly in the toilet just to see the water dripping from his fur onto the bathroom floor while laughing his evil baby laugh (how else did you think I knew he was up to no good?). I also rescued a sock and what appeared to be dental floss.

Poor, poor Mr. Cat. This doesn't bode well for any future pets we may have.

But don't worry, no drowning of real animals was done while blogging this post.

Losing it

2008-11-05T07:48:00.000-08:00

Will somebody tell my brain that THIS is not Cupcake? While doing the dishes I looked up and saw this and immediately thought, "Oh no, how long has she been up? I FORGOT ABOUT HER, she's been so quiet! Did I feed her, is it time for her to go to sleep? Wait a minute....it's not moving...."

Apparently Punky was playing house and this is what I get for letting her have some of her old preemie/newborn clothes to put on her doll.

Sad, huh?

What to do?

2008-11-04T00:00:00.000-08:00

For those of you stay at home moms...

Do you ever feel like life is passing you by? I know I've said a million times I can't stand it when people take their kids for granted. And I don't - there is something every day that makes me stop and say Thank You GOD for my babies. But that doesn't mean I don't have times where I want my cake and eat it too. A career for me was pretty much doomed from birth. I've always wanted to be a mommy and I enjoy it. I hated school and just survived until I got married and decided I couldn't justify the money anymore to just "get by." A writing career is something I still dream about...mainly because I really can have my cake and eat it, too. It's a job I can do from home and it's a passion of mine.

But somedays it seems like everyone else is just living their life, having fun and enjoying their hobbies when I'm stuck with a mountain of laundry, 12 dirty diapers, dishes, and bottle feedings. It sounds like the ultimate cliche, doesn't it? But I guess there's a reason for those overused phrases - they really are true! I'm lucky if I have 1 or 2 nights a month to just sit and write...or read. I even had to multi-task today between reading the newest Nicholas Spark's book (the first book I've read in over 6 months) and watching my soaps. Every spare minute I have is so precious these days.

I mean, I totally understand that I'm selfish in saying all this, but this is my blog so I get to be selfish on it occasionally. With all the cancer around me, being another year older, and knowing our family is done growing, I don't know how to face the fact that I don't really have any more "milestones" in my life. Someone told me once when I said this, "Well, you get to become a grandma." Ok, yeah. I do. But that's my children's milestones, not mine, nor is it guaranteed that my children will ever have children. Surely out of three kids, at least one of them will have some, so the odds are in my favor but still. So, exactly what is my next milestone? I have approximately 20 years stretched out before me and it doesn't look all that great. Keep in mind, I'm not talking about parenting or my children in this rant, but rather ME and MY life. I quit college because I didn't like it and I don't really regret it...I more regret the fact that I couldn't make myself enjoy it. I don't have time for writing. I don't have many hobbies other than writing. My "hairbow" business is pretty much up in smoke before it even began (not a single sell out of 57 items on the site yet!). Where will I be when my children are grown? What will I do when they're not here any more to fill the void?

If someone knows the answer to that question or can suggest a good self-help book on an early-life crisis, please leave a comment.

Happy birthday to me?

2008-11-02T18:25:00.001-08:00

So, uh, yeah. Having a birthday on Halloween when you're a kid is cool. You get to have the cool dress-up parties, get to eat cake AND candy, but...

...when you get, say, around twenty eight Halloween birthday's just aren't so cool anymore. Last year I had a halloween play date for my kids and my friends very kindly brought gifts and such. This year I requested none of that...quite simply because the play date wasn't about me but rather our kids and their enjoyment. My gift is watching my children in their little costumes having their friends over and having fun. My butt doesn't need the cake anymore. My gut doesn't hear my brain's cadence of "just say no" when it comes to candy. Weight watchers doesn't wait for birthday's.

We spent Halloween day (my birthday) in my hometown with my mom - which was a surprise for her. It was a very odd day, but good to let the kids spend time with my parents. It's a two hour drive and all but 45 minutes of it was spent listening Cupcake screaming her head off. We've discovered the car isn't her favorite place to be. When we got there, she slept 45 minutes here and there and was so overtired I think her vocal chords decided to go to sleep on the way home. Thankfully she slept the whole way. Punky and Chicken slept a whopping 45 minutes all day but were pretty good considering. We had dinner at a Mexican restaurant where I got serenaded in espanol by some hispanic dudes. I even got to wear a sombrero for all the on-lookers to laugh at me. Punky and Chicken didn't know whether to laugh or cry. Hubby presented me with my brand new iTrip for my ipod in the car. Numero dos on my birthday list. Oh yeah, and my parents found out their dog died while they took my kids out to see him. Oops. He's not asleep in his doghouse kids, he bit the dust. At least he hadn't started to stink yet.

The day was a pretty stressful one, spending 4 hours in the car for a 5 hour visit. But my mom was thrilled to spend the day with them and see them in their costumes. Because of the local high school football games, all the trick or treating was done on Thursday, the night before we were there, so the kids didn't get to do any. We still somehow managed to get a whole pumpkin PLUS a variety candy bag in our house (seriously, how did that happen?!). I wonder if the cows out behind my house eat candy? Since they have four stomach's and all, I figure they could use it more than I can.

How was your Halloween?

A day in pictures

2008-10-30T12:28:00.000-07:00

Punky getting the cupcakes ready for the costume playdate. Don't ask.

It's Batman! (aka Chicken)

Princess Punky

"The Boyfriend" as Cookie Monster with his cookie.

The whole Halloween play date. They had so much fun!

What else can I say?

2008-10-29T00:00:00.000-07:00

Punky has a pop-up Dora tent that she puts in our living room sometimes. Today she was playing in it with her stuffed monkey. I watch as she disappears into the tent and hear the muffled sounds of her (what I know now) hitting it...

"I'm spanking the monkey, Mommy!"

Chicken's first camping trip with Daddy!

2008-10-28T00:00:00.000-07:00

Chicken in his car seat ready to go!

Chicken all cuddled up in his very own camo sleeping bag in the back of the van. They didn't rough it as much as they would have liked to in a tent. It was pretty cold that night for an almost 2 year old!

The next morning: Chicken playing with The Boyfriend (Punky's "boyfriend", not Chicken's.) Such boys!

Daddy and Chicken. The two men in my life.

Perhaps a little too much manliness for him over the weekend?

Can I PLEASE start over?!?

2008-10-27T06:46:00.001-07:00

Isn't it funny how Monday's and Murphy always find me? It's not even 9 am and my morning has been...well, a Monday.

I woke up this morning to Punky next to my bed grinning. "I had a good nap, Mommy!" So far so good.

Then I hear the telltale whine of Chicken awake. Yesterday, he discovered how to climb out of his crib and now has a big strawberry from carpet burn on his forehead. I rushed into his room to make sure he didn't have any broken limbs. Nope, just a bad poopy diaper that left a horrible rash on his bottom. Now he's cranky as all get out. I can still handle this.

Oh but wait. I come in the computer room to drink my tea and read my morning blogs and while reading an email I received confirming more children to my playdate on thursday, I put my tea down and push in the keyboard cubby to get a pin from the drawer. Yeah, the tea was ON the keyboard cubby that disappears into the desk. Now the tea is all over me, the protective mat I have down on the carpet AND on the carpet. I had already had half of it! Now the day is turning questionable not to mention I'm just stupid!

Then I hear something that sounds like a kid choking after I've cleaned myself and the computer room up. Running into the living room, I'm just in time to see Cupcake projectile puke all over her bouncy seat and...oh yeah, my carpet. I cleaned her up and put her in the high chair to chill. She didn't burp well and I thought maybe she choked trying to get air up. Nope. I go back to check on her two minutes later and she's puked again. Then again when I put her on the changing table to clean her up. I'm drowning in laundry from said puking now. Now I'm officially having a bad day.

Ugh. If anything else goes wrong today, I'm crawling in a hole and forgetting I exist.

Pumpkin Cake Recipe and Camping

2008-10-24T08:02:00.000-07:00

Well, it's raining cats and dogs outside right now and as of 5pm tonight Hubby and Chicken will be camping with The Boyfriend and his dad. Supposedly the rain is supposed to let up by this afternoon but it's still going to be soggy for them. Chicken doesn't really know what "camping" is but he's excited anyway. He's really been a daddy's boy lately, so he's going to love the one on one. I'm hoping it's a phase. I'm also hoping it's not that he's still a little angry that Cupcake gets a lot of my attention. But I've gotten the impression more than once that he's angry with me.

Punky is getting into the terrible three's. I can tell pretend play is becoming very real to her and she's started getting angry when Chicken messes with her "sleeping" baby dolls. This morning they were both squealing at each other and I walk in to see what's going on and she has Chicken in a headlock screaming, "No, Chicken, don't touch my BABYYYYYYYYY!" If hadn't intervened, she would've taken him down. But trust me when I say the terrible three's won't last long. She's a smart kid and she'll understand Mommy means business when she says not to act a certain way.

And for fall tradition I wanted to post an insanely easy pumpkin cake recipe that my in-laws taught me:

1 box of spice cake mix
1 can of pumpkin
1 cup of milk chocolate chips (optional)
1 container of cool whip

Mix the spice cake mix and pumpkin together (and chocolate chips if you choose) and spread into a greased 9X13 pan. Batter will be thick and hard to spread but put as evenly in the pan as you can. Bake according to package or until toothpick inserted in the center comes out clean. Once cake is cooled, spread with cool whip. It's REALLY good and it's weight watcher friendly - if you leave out the chocolate chips! If you try it, I hope you enjoy!

Happy fall everyone!

Need a hair bow?

2008-10-23T08:35:00.000-07:00

I think we're all better...for now. Apparently it's going around. Another little girl in Punky's bible class got sick last night so as usual, we're spreading the love. Thankfully, Punky and Chicken were only sick yesterday morning and they acted relatively normal the rest of the day. I felt REALLY bad last night but had some left over nausea medicine from pregnancy that I took and went to bed. I woke up feeling ok this morning. Of course, I had a migraine yesterday, too, so that could explain the nasty stomach.

In other news, I finally got my ebay store set up. You can access it here. I'm going to be adding a ton of new stuff soon, so hopefully I'll start getting some traffic really soon. I'm anxious to get started. Hubby even ordered me a polo shirt with my logo on it for craft shows. How cool is that? Thanks Hubby!

That's really it for today. Got lots of stuff going on and I'm avoiding doing it just by blogging and wasting time online. Hopefully when the kids go down for their nap I can finish up a few of the items on my to do list!

Not Cupcake but Punky!

2008-10-22T05:30:00.002-07:00

So apparently my record for sleeping at night lately is limited to 4 night stretches. Murphy is back and residing at my house during germ season. I love it when that happens. After two hospitalizations in the last 18 months with my two eldest, I figure we're gearing up for another rough winter.

Cupcake slept through the night again...she's now broken her own record I'm happy to say. But....

Punky came into our room at 5:30 this morning acting funny. She said she had to pee pee but I knew she was acting weird and was pretty pale. She started shaking and acting like she was about to throw up. I let her stand there for a minute but she never did anything. Then she told me her stomach hurt and she had to potty. Thinking maybe she had to poop, I put her up there but she still didn't do anything. She's been known to stall so I finally went to grab her off the potty and she pushed me away and acted like she was scared and said she had to pee pee. I gave her a minute more then she got down. I sent her back to bed. It wasn't more than 30 minutes later I heard the telltale wail from her room and knew she was puking. This happened three times and when she was done with her off and on puking it was 7:25 and time to start our day.

I sat down and wrote the first sentence of this post and heard Chicken wailing. Yup, he was throwing up, too.

They both had breakfast and are acting relatively normal. I keep waiting for them both to start going at it again, but so far so good. I'm not keeping my hopes up though. Hubby is already gone for the day and since Murphy knows me so well, he MUST know of my phobia of puke and will do whatever it takes to make sure I have to face it on my own. But see, his plan is backfiring...the more I'm exposed to it the more I'm able to handle it. I actually held back Punky's hair this morning (when I'm normally cowering in the corner of another room until it's over).

Take that Murphy, you jerk....

Now on to my morning cup of tea. I'm already three point five hours into my day and I'm exhausted.

Hotdog, I think she's got it!

2008-10-21T07:08:00.001-07:00

Cupcake started rolling over about 3 weeks ago stomach to back. She would ball up her legs underneath her and kick so she would flip over on her back. It's the funniest thing! But of course, that opened up a whole new can of worms in the sleep department. I've gone against the rules and put all of my reflux babies on their stomach's early. They've all learned to roll over stomach to back fairly quickly. But the problem is, it's usually MONTHS before they learned to roll back to stomach so in the mean time they're like turtle's on their backs and their eyes pop wide open and they will not go back to sleep. None of my kids got used to sleeping on their back until they were old enough to roll onto their tummy if they weren't comfy.

I stopped swaddling Cupcake about a week and a half ago and moved her to her bedroom four nights ago. I started putting her on her stomach to sleep at night instead of swaddled on her back, resigned to the fact she probably still wouldn't sleep through the night since she can still flip over. Surprisingly, the night she turned 3 months old, October 17th, she's slept through the night and hasn't offered to flip over in her sleep...YET. I know it's probably coming, though.

Cupcake is a certified thumb sucker. I've always wanted a thumb sucker as it insanely adorable and it keeps them little longer. I know I'll regret this when she's say 12 and still doing it, but right now it's nice. She refuses pacifiers now and only needs her thumb to go to sleep. I don't even have to rock her although I admit I do just to have some one on one time with her. Life is too short to stress about her getting used to falling asleep on me every day. I know she won't. After three kids, holding her a few times a week until she falls asleep will not a habit make. All of my kids have healthy sleep habits.

So for four nights now, she's slept through the night, 7 am to 7 pm. Four nights is her record, we'll see tonight if she's got it for sure. Unfortunately for me, I'm suffering from some kind of allergy crud (we all are except Hubby, the lucky dog), and I haven't got to really feel rested yet. It'll be nice when I'm feeling better and can wake up all refreshed. Right now I still feel like I've been hit by a truck. Cupcake even has it, too, as I suctioned bloody snot from her nose this morning. Looks like she's going to have the family allergies, too. And of course, a stopped up nose in an infant has the potential to break our new pattern of sleep, so I'm really hoping it doesn't get any worse than it is right now!

A tough weekend

2008-10-19T20:32:00.001-07:00

We go to a church of over 300 people. Not long ago we lost a dear sister in Christ who had touched many lives. Since then, we've found out so many more have cancer - one who is fighting a battle (and winning so far) of advanced lung cancer. This past week, we found out one of our elders has a brain tumor. He's only in his 50's, too. This man is one of the smartest men I know. He's so nice and educated about God and has taught many people. Why his brain? Why should he have to go through that when this man IS his brain? We will probably never know God's reason and probably aren't supposed to know but I can tell you that each day we're given is a blessing. Every smile from our children, every hug, every I love you. My biggest fear is dying before my children are grown and never seeing them become Christian adults. I get angry with mother's who take their children for granted. Who stand in our church building and complain because they're selfish and didn't get to do the things they planned on doing. Everyone has bad days, I get that. At some point, we all wish we had more time for ourselves.

But I can say with 210% certainty that not one day has gone by with each of my kids that I haven't thanked God for my children. Not one day hasn't gone by that I haven't thanked him for all the many blessings I have in my life, regardless of the kind of day I've had. I'll admit sometimes I don't necessarily feel blessed on a morning like I had in my previous post, but that doesn't mean I'm not. I'm human and therefore have selfish days where I would love a few hours to myself to write, to do my nails, to soak in a hot bath, but that doesn't mean I would change my life in any way, shape or form.

When faced with our very certain mortality, I stop and appreciate everything I've been given. Seeing these loving, special families go through these difficult times is hard for me, so I can't even fathom what it's like for them. It could easily be my family or someone we're close to. We could be next. We just never know. Why waste a day letting other very human things bother us when, in the grand scheme of things, we have only one goal and that's to get to heaven? Does it really matter that the dishes aren't done or the laundry isn't folded and put away? Does it really matter you haven't dusted or vacuumed?

So all of you reading this: Go hug your loved ones. Look them in the eye and tell them how much they mean to you. None of us are guaranteed tomorrow or even an hour from now. Write them a letter, just do something. We often take the people closest to us for granted.

This man who has only 6-15 months to live lovingly places coffee and toast on the kitchen table for his wife every morning. He teaches people the word of God. He fulfilled his christianly duties by serving God as an elder of our congregation. He's leaving behind three children and several grandchildren. He's lived an amazing life from what I've heard. And he will fight with everything in him until his body can fight no more.

Are we fighting to make sure each day counts? Are we doing all that we can do so that tomorrow, if we're diagnosed with a fatal brain tumor we have no regrets? Have we lived our life in accordance with God's will so we can look forward to the day we're with Him in heaven?

I hope we all meet each other there.

Can I start the day over?

2008-10-17T07:32:00.000-07:00

5:49 am: Cupcake wakes up for her normal fussy spell for 30 minutes. Must.figure.out.how.to.stop.

5:51 am: Hubby removes himself from our bedroom to take up residence with his new best friend - Couch.

6:20 am: Cupcake finally settles back down and finds her thumb. Must.figure.out.how.to.help.her.realize.its.attached.

6:35 am: I finally fall back to sleep. Need.Sleep.

6:45 am: Punky comes in bedroom butt naked. Note to self: Don't let her wear zip up footy pajamas anymore.

6:46 am: Redress Punky, put her back to bed and threaten her within an inch of her life if she gets out of bed again. No one in our house is allowed to be up before 7 am. It's grounds for adoption.

6:50 am: Sleeping soundly.

7:10 am: Hubby comes in after his lovely night of sleep and gets in the shower. Complete with hacking, clearing of the throat and dropping of the soap - which by the way has the potential to give you a heart attack when you're half asleep.

7:15 am: Pass out from exhaustion regardless of noises coming from elsewhere.

7:50 am: Cupcake wakes up again ready to start her morning. Hubby exits the shower - seriously, what can a bald man have to do in the shower for FORTY MINUTES? We've been married 7 years and I still haven't figure it out yet.

7:55 am: See Punky's light on in her room. Can't.be.good. Find her in her room making "bows" with my craft wire and ribbon I left on the kitchen table last night. Wire is everywhere. Guess she'll be carrying on the family "business."

8:30 am: Down a large cup of tea for a jolt of caffeine I'm seriously going to need before the end of the day.

TGIF.

Puppy Dog Tales

2008-10-16T07:35:00.000-07:00

Hubby helped me get started setting up my ebay store. I'm excited to get my little "business" off the ground. We did well at the craft show with our hair bows and now I'm extending to dog bows. It's unreal the people we saw. Can you believe we had 4 people ask us for dog bows? D.O.G. bows. Now, I understand the empty-nesters might cling to a dog to fill the void, but these were families with children to take care of. How do they find time to dress themselves, their children AND their dog? I reckon they're just stupid, eh, super talented like that. And why not capitalize on their stupidity, er, interests?

Now, I love animals. I really do. I used to be the proud owner of two of the sweetest little cats you've ever seen. But I had Punky and the cats got shipped off to a good home. I simply couldn't take care of it all, not to mention I couldn't stand all the cat hair wedged between her chubby little fingers. Super woman I am not. But I mean these crazy, um, eccentric people had STROLLERS for their dogs...yeah! I'm not kidding. A stroller with a zip up visor to "protect" them from the sun. Good grief. Oh, and not only that, a man walked by with a medium sized dog strapped in a dog snugli. D.O.G. S.N.U.G.L.I. What happened to letting the dogs walk? Is American going to be the leading country for obese dogs now, too?

I'm sorry, but I'm just overwhelmed by some people. I do think the little dogs that are furry are cute with one little bow in their hair. If I was ever dumb enough to get another animal and it was one of those, I'd probably stick a bow in it's hair some time. But a stroller? A snugli? Sorry, now I know why the economy is going to pot and that's because people are wasting their money on that kind of junk and can't pay for their house. C'mon people. Feed your dogs. Walk 'em. Love 'em. Stick a bow in their hair and I'll even give you a sweater in the winter but leave it at that. A dog is a dog is a dog. IS.A.STINKIN. DOG.

So, if you need infant, toddler or dog bows, I'm your gal. 'Cause after all, they're one in the same, right?