Do you ever feel like life is passing you by? I know I've said a million times I can't stand it when people take their kids for granted. And I don't - there is something every day that makes me stop and say Thank You GOD for my babies. But that doesn't mean I don't have times where I want my cake and eat it too. A career for me was pretty much doomed from birth. I've always wanted to be a mommy and I enjoy it. I hated school and just survived until I got married and decided I couldn't justify the money anymore to just "get by." A writing career is something I still dream about...mainly because I really can have my cake and eat it, too. It's a job I can do from home and it's a passion of mine.
But somedays it seems like everyone else is just living their life, having fun and enjoying their hobbies when I'm stuck with a mountain of laundry, 12 dirty diapers, dishes, and bottle feedings. It sounds like the ultimate cliche, doesn't it? But I guess there's a reason for those overused phrases - they really are true! I'm lucky if I have 1 or 2 nights a month to just sit and write...or read. I even had to multi-task today between reading the newest Nicholas Spark's book (the first book I've read in over 6 months) and watching my soaps. Every spare minute I have is so precious these days.
I mean, I totally understand that I'm selfish in saying all this, but this is my blog so I get to be selfish on it occasionally. With all the cancer around me, being another year older, and knowing our family is done growing, I don't know how to face the fact that I don't really have any more "milestones" in my life. Someone told me once when I said this, "Well, you get to become a grandma." Ok, yeah. I do. But that's my children's milestones, not mine, nor is it guaranteed that my children will ever have children. Surely out of three kids, at least one of them will have some, so the odds are in my favor but still. So, exactly what is my next milestone? I have approximately 20 years stretched out before me and it doesn't look all that great. Keep in mind, I'm not talking about parenting or my children in this rant, but rather ME and MY life. I quit college because I didn't like it and I don't really regret it...I more regret the fact that I couldn't make myself enjoy it. I don't have time for writing. I don't have many hobbies other than writing. My "hairbow" business is pretty much up in smoke before it even began (not a single sell out of 57 items on the site yet!). Where will I be when my children are grown? What will I do when they're not here any more to fill the void?
If someone knows the answer to that question or can suggest a good self-help book on an early-life crisis, please leave a comment.
5 comments:
I'm a working mom...but I think we all feel like this some time or another.
And I do plan on buying some bows - I was the one who emailed you through the site and rarely get on during the weekend. I love them! And am trying to decide which ones I want.
Oh and in answer to your question, I have lost a total of exactly 6 lbs thus far. I think it's been 5 weeks. So slowly but surely it is coming off. I'm finding it to be pretty good so far! If nothing else, my jeans aren't squeezing me anymore! Ha!
You have a ton of milestones left in your lifetime. You will be turning 30 and yes, that is a good thing. I survived. You have a creative mind and will have lots of stuff you will think up to do. Get some hobbies with your hubby. My hubby is my best friend and we LOVE doing things together. It definitely makes my life more meaningful. We have a favorite show that we watch together even if that means recording it and watching it later. It gives us something to look forward to.
Don't worry about the hairbow business not taking off as well as you would like right now. It will happen. Ebay is a hard place to sell hairbows immediately because there are so many people selling them. They are very cute and you will have people buying them soon.
Be patient and pray.
You are an awesome writer as well and I enjoy everything I've read of yours. (Which by the way I need you to send me more so I can read them). I'm one of your biggest fans. I guarantee that you will crank out a best seller in your lifetime. I will be purchasing all of them. :)
Hang in there. This feeling will pass. Sometimes I jokingly say that housework IS my hobby. :)
I think all moms feel this way from time to time. I know, there are so many moms around you that have lots of hobbies and being mom doesn't seem to slow their personal enjoyment of their hobbies down much. I wish one of them could share the secret to that, hopefully it is not neglecting your role as mom. There is something to be said about working outside the home. You get your very own adult time, not to mention paid for your effort. As a SAHM, if you are like me, you don't feel like all the things you do are appreciated and frankly go unnoticed and are just an expected part of your "job". Too bad SAHMs don't get a paycheck.
I tell you what, check my blog. You have gotten me started so I will post a few of my thoughts on the subject there.
Hang in there. If I get to move closer, and who knows if I will at this point, we'll find us something just for us and make a point to do it.
I'm a working mom, too, and I feel like the time goes by even faster.
But, there are still plenty of milestones coming up; even if they are little like potty training or sleeping through the night!
I can't suggest a book, either, but I hope somebody can.
I can suggest a GREAT book.
I'm reading it right now: http://www.amazon.com/Lies-Women-Believe-Truth-that/dp/0802472966/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1225847199&sr=1-1
I do know exactly what you mean. But so many things can change from this point up until then when your children are grown.
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