LIAR!!!!! (Murphy's baaaack)

So you know how I mentioned that I felt like my doc was just telling me I was a cm dilated just to pacify me?  Yeah, he was.

Today?  I'm only a fingertip to one, MAYBE.  He even said, "But nothing significant."  Do you know how homicidal that makes me?  Thank goodness my fat, pregnant self was beached on the table in stirrups or he would have gotten a fist in his mouth for sure.

But that was after I weighed in at 162, SIX pounds more than last week.  I guess that'll teach them to tell me that I'm not eating.  I always love proving people wrong.  It doesn't happen often so I have to enjoy it while I can.

Then the even worse news?  He won't even talk about induction until my next appointment on the 15th, in which I will be two days away from 39 weeks.  All those people who've been having a cow at the mention of a 38 week induction?  Yeah, relaaax.  It ain't happenin'.  This kid is going to break my ribs, make me pee on myself in public, and be a hormonal wreck for at least 2 more weeks.  Such fun.  It was like seeing the light at the end of the tunnel only to realize it was a lightening bug holding up a sign as you pass by that reads: Just kidding!

Then he tells me she's measuring a week behind.  No dice, Doc, sorry, LIAR.  You're little measuring thingy?  Yeah, it's off.  About like your head is going to be VERY soon if you don't tell me some way to get her OUT NOW!

Now I realize two weeks isn't that long in the grand scheme of time.  But with two VERY cranky kids under 2.5, a son who thinks it's a fun past time to be clingy and a crybaby, being fat as a cow, feeling like every body part has been pulled apart, peeing every 10 minutes, having a bowling ball between my legs, and didn't I mention cranky babies?, oh and the Hubby starting 10 hour work days from now until next Saturday, I'm done.  Stick the perpetual fork in me.  I need a vacation.  A long one.  I need to breathe some fresh air.  Go on a quiet walk.  Get away without feeling guilty.  I need less stress.

I need a lot of things right now and I'm feeling pretty alone, too.  It's all the hormones.  All I know is I drove home from my doc's appointment today and couldn't stop crying.  I feel so let down by my body (at this point with BOTH the others I was at least 1 cm dilated and effaced some).  Hubby and I have been at each other's throat for days now.  I simply don't know what to do.  I know I won't be pregnant forever but I guess it's the fact that since I can't enjoy the end of this last pregnancy, I want to start enjoying her on the outside.  I want to get on with our lives, get the sleepless nights over with and get into a rhythm.

I feel so whiny and wimpy even typing that.  Every pregnant woman gets to this point I guess, but it just wasn't this bad with the first two.  I never expected to feel like this.  I feel selfish and mean.  Well, I'm not feeling like that, I am those things these days and I don't like it.  I'm having to rely on too many people to get me through.  I don't mind asking for help SOME, but it's becoming an every day thing and I feel like I'm abusing people's generosity.  I don't want to be the kind of person who dumps my kids on my friend or family just because I need a break or I have "better" things to do and I just don't want to deal with them.  My kids need me and they're not getting ME right now.  I'm suddenly some monster that catches myself raising my voice far too often, disciplining while I'm angry, not giving them any attention and allowing the TV to act as a babysitter.  Not cool.  With one little pregnancy that isn't agreeing with me, it all comes back rearing it's ugly head like I haven't spent seven years overcoming it.

Ugh.  I'm so glad Murphy is back.  (Insert sarcasm) I missed him so much. (end sarcasm)

Tales of Murphy and Me

For those of you who read me or know me, you know Murphy is my best friend.  Well, this weekend, apparently after being absent for a little while, he decided to be extra clingy and attach himself to my hip.  There was no trip to Birmingham.  Nothing productive happened except a two hour nap on Saturday afternoon.

I won't go into the long story, but summarize to say Hubby had his diaper shower that evening that we had to be back from B'ham for.  There were huge miscommunications all across the board, Hubby didn't check the shower invite until friday night and realized the wedding we were supposed to go to along with the diaper shower started at the same time.  We wound up having to stay here.  Not a huge deal.  We might still go before this baby is born, but Murphy put a good sized whole in my bubble of excitement, so I'm not able to get excited about much right now.

Then, Saturday night a couple of the wives of the hubby's at the diaper shower came over and we watched a movie.  We had a good time and that was the highlight of my weekend.

Then yesterday was a pretty normal day until we got home for lunch.  We cooked a roast in our crock pot.  Apparently cooked isn't quite the word.  We dehydrated it.  It was dry, the potatoes weren't done, and Punky refused to eat.  Never one to allow my kids to say no to eating a certain thing, we had to discipline Punky for "cheeking" her food and not swallowing it.  After getting a little bit down her, I decided Hubby had to take care of it.  I was losing my temper with her and I put my own plate up and went to bed for a 3 hour nap.  She finally had to go down for her nap hungry.  Now I totally get that it wasn't a good roast.  But Chicken was chowing away at it and Punky was getting an attitude about it and decided to start trying to negotiate.  As in, "I'll just drink some of my apple juice to help me chew it," she would say.  But she downed a third of it and still wasn't swallowing.  I don't do negotiation with a two year old!

Then, a very uncomfortable moment happened last night.  Now, I've been pregnant THREE times in three years.  Not once have I felt uncomfortable about another woman touching my belly.  But another man?  To be honest, I didn't have a clue what to say to him.  He walked up to me and one of my pregnant friends as we were talking with both hands out and said, "Can I rub the bellies for good luck?"  We just stared at him.  We looked at each other and then stared at him some more.  Get the hint, dude.  But he.didn't.leave.  He just stood there continuing to hold out his hands and wait for our answer.  I finally said, "go for it" just to get him to leave and he patted my stomach and my friend covered hers up and said, "No, sorry."  Feeling like I had just been violated, I looked at my friend with an incredulous look as he walked away.  I mean, did that really just happen?  Will he ask to touch my boobs when I'm breast feeding in a few weeks because they're bigger than normal?! 

Don't get me wrong, this guy is super nice but more than once I've gotten the impression he doesn't think a whole lot before he talks.  And I know all about that because Murphy controls my tongue half the time.  Now, in the two weeks I have left, I will simply refer him to Hubby's bald head for good luck.  After all, Murphy isn't Hubby's best friend like he is mine.

Today starts VBS at church, so we'll see if Murphy has a religious streak or not.

Murphy loves me

Haven't I had enough people?  Have I not had enough drama in the last two weeks to last me until I'm at least thirty?  These last few weeks have put a whole new meaning to "when it rains, it pours."

So the night of my last post, I noticed my ankles were swollen.  Really swollen at only 20 weeks pregnant.  Yesterday?  Yup, swollen again, so I called my OB because the swelling was accompanied by a severe headache.  Anyone who's been pregnant before know this could be a sign of preeclampsia.  So the doc, just as I knew he would wanted to see me and check my BP and everything else today.  I arranged for one of the awesomest friends around to come and sit with my kiddos while they napped (and she's extra awesome because she's also pregnant and in the throws of morning sickness - a reason I felt bad even having to ask her!).  

I get to the doc and the second he walks in, I tell him that I've seen him entirely too much in the last couple of weeks.  He frowns and says, "Well, I like seeing you!"  He was, of course, just playing back with me.  But I was thinking, "yeah, because I'm paying your rent."  The turkey.  My BP was good, swelling is down significantly today, but oh, what was that?  A bladder infection?  No, he says, wait.

A kidney stone.  

Youdidnotjustsayakidneystone.

Yeah, you've got blood and this such and such in your urine which means a kidney stone.

I haven't had a kidney stone in almost 13 months.  I guess it's about time for one.  Especially since I've been pregnant and not had one.  They usually increase when I'm "with child."  But you know, we are leaving for vacation Sunday.  There's no reason why I should be able to ENJOY my vacation.  Of course, we're going to be in the middle of my much coveted shopping day and it's gonna hit me.  Either that or I'm going to get stuck kicking and screaming and writhing in pain the entire time because a kidney stone is stuck in my bladder and refuses to come out, therefore causing bladder spasms.  

Yeah, I think I'm going to just puke from excitement over this kidney stone.  It's just what I needed.

Forget the vacation, just bring on the kidney stone!!!