I've lost control

My children have decided to prove to me I'm outnumbered.  Of course, I knew that but technically I'm still bigger than them even if I stood them all end to end.  I thought keeping a positive attitude would keep the fact that I am, indeed, outnumbered 3 to 1 from being so daunting.  However, the last day or two, it's not working.

Apparently I dished out a few too many empty threats while I was pregnant.  I won't play stupid and say I don't know what's happened to them.  I am fully aware that being pregnant and tired and not feeling well for over two months took a toll on their disciplining.  However, now I'm back in the game, have been awakened so to speak, and see the error of my ways.  They are little monsters when they want to be and I allowed it.

Well, I'm not pregnant any more.  They're not going to behave this way and it's time for their "fun" to end.  Chicken will no longer tell me "no" by shaking his head when I tell him to do something.  Punky will no longer whine.  Chicken will no longer squeal because he's not getting a toy he wants.  Punky's stalling and overall disobedience every.time.i.tell.her.to.do.something is stopping.  Today.  No, make that yesterday.

It's time for a discipline marathon.  No matter what, I'm getting control back of my kids, my emotions and my life even if it kills me.

And it just might if they gang up on me too much more.

LIAR!!!!! (Murphy's baaaack)

So you know how I mentioned that I felt like my doc was just telling me I was a cm dilated just to pacify me?  Yeah, he was.

Today?  I'm only a fingertip to one, MAYBE.  He even said, "But nothing significant."  Do you know how homicidal that makes me?  Thank goodness my fat, pregnant self was beached on the table in stirrups or he would have gotten a fist in his mouth for sure.

But that was after I weighed in at 162, SIX pounds more than last week.  I guess that'll teach them to tell me that I'm not eating.  I always love proving people wrong.  It doesn't happen often so I have to enjoy it while I can.

Then the even worse news?  He won't even talk about induction until my next appointment on the 15th, in which I will be two days away from 39 weeks.  All those people who've been having a cow at the mention of a 38 week induction?  Yeah, relaaax.  It ain't happenin'.  This kid is going to break my ribs, make me pee on myself in public, and be a hormonal wreck for at least 2 more weeks.  Such fun.  It was like seeing the light at the end of the tunnel only to realize it was a lightening bug holding up a sign as you pass by that reads: Just kidding!

Then he tells me she's measuring a week behind.  No dice, Doc, sorry, LIAR.  You're little measuring thingy?  Yeah, it's off.  About like your head is going to be VERY soon if you don't tell me some way to get her OUT NOW!

Now I realize two weeks isn't that long in the grand scheme of time.  But with two VERY cranky kids under 2.5, a son who thinks it's a fun past time to be clingy and a crybaby, being fat as a cow, feeling like every body part has been pulled apart, peeing every 10 minutes, having a bowling ball between my legs, and didn't I mention cranky babies?, oh and the Hubby starting 10 hour work days from now until next Saturday, I'm done.  Stick the perpetual fork in me.  I need a vacation.  A long one.  I need to breathe some fresh air.  Go on a quiet walk.  Get away without feeling guilty.  I need less stress.

I need a lot of things right now and I'm feeling pretty alone, too.  It's all the hormones.  All I know is I drove home from my doc's appointment today and couldn't stop crying.  I feel so let down by my body (at this point with BOTH the others I was at least 1 cm dilated and effaced some).  Hubby and I have been at each other's throat for days now.  I simply don't know what to do.  I know I won't be pregnant forever but I guess it's the fact that since I can't enjoy the end of this last pregnancy, I want to start enjoying her on the outside.  I want to get on with our lives, get the sleepless nights over with and get into a rhythm.

I feel so whiny and wimpy even typing that.  Every pregnant woman gets to this point I guess, but it just wasn't this bad with the first two.  I never expected to feel like this.  I feel selfish and mean.  Well, I'm not feeling like that, I am those things these days and I don't like it.  I'm having to rely on too many people to get me through.  I don't mind asking for help SOME, but it's becoming an every day thing and I feel like I'm abusing people's generosity.  I don't want to be the kind of person who dumps my kids on my friend or family just because I need a break or I have "better" things to do and I just don't want to deal with them.  My kids need me and they're not getting ME right now.  I'm suddenly some monster that catches myself raising my voice far too often, disciplining while I'm angry, not giving them any attention and allowing the TV to act as a babysitter.  Not cool.  With one little pregnancy that isn't agreeing with me, it all comes back rearing it's ugly head like I haven't spent seven years overcoming it.

Ugh.  I'm so glad Murphy is back.  (Insert sarcasm) I missed him so much. (end sarcasm)

Send me some voodoo please!

I'm running out of things to talk about these days.  My brain is solely focused on willing my body to go into labor.  When I'm not thinking about it, I'm doing everything possible to make my water break.  Holding the kids on top of my stomach, squatting, bending, cleaning.  I'm not sleeping well at night lately, even further making my brain one tracked.  Two nights ago I got up to pee SEVEN times.  I think I would have felt better if I had not even went to sleep!

I go to the doc today to see if there's been any progression.  I'm not expecting any but then again I like to be surprised.  Hopefully I can talk him into letting me go in for an induction next weekend if he mentions it today.  Hubby is going in for the ole snip snip on Thursday and as long as my labors are, it would be good for us both to lie up in the hospital all day on Friday and rest and watch movies and stuff.  I just hope he doesn't over do it.  As usual he's waited until the last minute to do it (not realizing either of us won't be able to lift our rather "healthy" children for a little while).  I guess he's getting what's coming to him though, right?  ;oD  Ahhhh...paybacks are heck, ain't they sweetie?

2 weeks, 1 day to go!

So I get up at 6:15 this morning.  Punky wakes up at 6:40 and brings a dora pull-up into my bathroom where I'm getting ready, telling me how she needs to go potty.  This has been my last ditch effort to see if she magically will decide she's going to pee and poop in the potty for good with no more drama.  She's obsessed with Dora right now.  We tell her Dora doesn't like to get wet or stinky so she has to keep her dry.

I'm out the door by 7:05 with kids in tow.  I pass the gas station about a mile from my house and see my sister-in-law, aka Chicken's morning sitter while I'm at the doc's office, sitting at the intersection.  I burn rubber swinging it in to the gas station and turn around.  We forgot to say who was going to whose house.  Feeling bad that she's had to drive so far this early in the morning, I prepare a list of apologies.  But when I pull up behind her, I just laugh.  We both realize we assumed we were going to the other's house.  Oh well.  Chicken is happy to go back inside with his aunt and Punky and I head to the doc's office.

Once there, Punky is a little angel.  She's always a pretty good kid but she just sat in her chair, and continued to ask me where the doctor was.  Once he came in, she froze up and wouldn't talk to him.  I crack up when I see those little bouts of shyness.

He checked me and I'm 1 cm dilated.  I'm not entirely sure why I'm disappointed.  I mean, it's PROGRESS!  I guess I was just hoping for 2 or 3 (or more).  The contractions I've been having are definitely increasing in intensity and length (a lot more than I ever had with Punky or Chicken), not to mention she's about to fall out.  I just figured it would have done more than a measly 1 cm.  But (sigh, deep breath) it IS progress and hopefully next week it'll be more.  I think because I'm feeling so heavy and big these next 2 weeks are going to feel like 2 years!

Oh, and the keytones are still in my urine.  The nurse said it was less than last week but still indicated I wasn't eating or drinking enough.  HOW MUCH DO I HAVE TO EAT, PEOPLE?!  I had not just a bowl but a VAT of macaroni and cheese (spider-man, no less!-and we're talking about 2/3 of the prepared box, not just a little) , a strawberry shortcake ice cream bar and a glass of water before bed alone.  I still haven't gained any weight in 2 weeks.  I'm guessing it's got to be a hydration thing.  I'm eating like a pig, but I've just never been a big drinker.  Soooo, if anyone has any suggestions, let me know.  I'm just starting to think they're doing it just to mess with me.  If you know me, you know how much I love my food!  I might not be able to hold as much, but I certainly make up for it either in calories or frequency!

Another bad report

Well, for all my ailments this pregnancy, I guess this one takes the cake.  I thought for the longest my heartburn was kicking up a notch and driving me crazy.  Like chicken-bone-stuck-in-the-throat-radiating-throughout-my-whole-upper-body-heart-attack type pain.  Ha.  For someone who tries to learn all she can about the medical field, I sure can be stupid.

Heartburn?  Nyah.  Why would it be that simple.  It MEEEEE we're talking about here!  I call the ob to tell him I need something different for this pain I'm having.  Apparently Nexium isn't working.  The nurse says, "Girl, that sounds like a spasm."  I said, "What kind?"  She hemhawed (as my grandmother used to call it) and said she had to talk with the doc.  Calls back and said, "We're sending you to Dr. Soandso.  You still have your gallbladder, right?"  I just lowered my head and shook it.  I had a sinking feeling about everything as soon as she said spasm.  I had a college friend who had to have hers removed after her second pregnancy.  There have been several times I've wondered if the things I was feeling were gallbladder related.  So now I know without even having to go see the doc that I'm probably going to have to have surgery after this kid is born.  But hey, if I expect surgery and wind up NOT having to have it, that means I'm pleasantly surprised, right?

For those of you who pray, add me to your list.  I'm feeling very helpless right now!

Pregnancy, Heartburn and Potty training

Yeah, so as soon as I walked away from the computer from posting my last entry yesterday, Punky had peed in her pull up.  The turkey.  Did I call it or what?  The good news is, still no poop accidents YET.  YET YET YET.  Today marks all week with only one poop accident and I told her when Hubby gets home we'll go to the bookstore and pick out a brand new book.  She's been doing great and despite how well she does today, she still deserves recognition for her accomplishments.  She's excited about it or seems to be.

Sooo, on the pregnancy front, heartburn is kicking it up a notch.  Yesterday and today I've had to take a nexium in the morning and at night.  It's not bad, but this morning when I sat down to drink my morning cup of tea, it burned my throat.  I knew then it didn't bode well for the rest of the day if I didn't pop a pill.  I hate doing it, but heartburn is one of those things I consider unbearable.  I'd almost rather have a kidney stone!

I also got to order the changing table for New Baby and wall prints that I will have to frame when they arrive.  All that's left is a lamp, hamper, a crib mattress and my mom to make the baby bedding and possibly paint the room pink (not decided on that one yet).  We decided on a black, white and pink french theme.  Hobby Lobby has a ton of cute accessories so as the Hubby allows it, I'm going to buy a few little things to accent it.  I'm excited to see how it all pulls together.  With 8-10 weeks to go I MUST finish this soon or my nesting instincts are going to cause a mental breakdown.

Hope everyone has a great weekend!

Murphy loves me

Haven't I had enough people?  Have I not had enough drama in the last two weeks to last me until I'm at least thirty?  These last few weeks have put a whole new meaning to "when it rains, it pours."

So the night of my last post, I noticed my ankles were swollen.  Really swollen at only 20 weeks pregnant.  Yesterday?  Yup, swollen again, so I called my OB because the swelling was accompanied by a severe headache.  Anyone who's been pregnant before know this could be a sign of preeclampsia.  So the doc, just as I knew he would wanted to see me and check my BP and everything else today.  I arranged for one of the awesomest friends around to come and sit with my kiddos while they napped (and she's extra awesome because she's also pregnant and in the throws of morning sickness - a reason I felt bad even having to ask her!).  

I get to the doc and the second he walks in, I tell him that I've seen him entirely too much in the last couple of weeks.  He frowns and says, "Well, I like seeing you!"  He was, of course, just playing back with me.  But I was thinking, "yeah, because I'm paying your rent."  The turkey.  My BP was good, swelling is down significantly today, but oh, what was that?  A bladder infection?  No, he says, wait.

A kidney stone.  

Youdidnotjustsayakidneystone.

Yeah, you've got blood and this such and such in your urine which means a kidney stone.

I haven't had a kidney stone in almost 13 months.  I guess it's about time for one.  Especially since I've been pregnant and not had one.  They usually increase when I'm "with child."  But you know, we are leaving for vacation Sunday.  There's no reason why I should be able to ENJOY my vacation.  Of course, we're going to be in the middle of my much coveted shopping day and it's gonna hit me.  Either that or I'm going to get stuck kicking and screaming and writhing in pain the entire time because a kidney stone is stuck in my bladder and refuses to come out, therefore causing bladder spasms.  

Yeah, I think I'm going to just puke from excitement over this kidney stone.  It's just what I needed.

Forget the vacation, just bring on the kidney stone!!!