Happy birthday to me

Tomorrow, I will be 29. The last year of my twenties. The last year to do something stupid and get away with it, cause let's face it...once thirty hits, we're adults and have to face reality.

Only I? Have lived that way most of my life.

I haven't blogged much recently because not only have things been insanely crazy for our family, I just haven't felt like it. My mood for the last six months is most accurately described as BLAH. Thankfully, after some tests and doctors visits, we're on the road to making things better. I tell ya, I sure could use a break from BLAH.

I can't help but feel sad my twenties are almost over. Tomorrow I'll be 29. Some really great things happened. I moved. I got married. I quit working. I had three children. I will celebrate 9 years of marriage before I turn 30. I'm hoping I can add something else great to this list before this time next year.

Now I'm kinda left with the bereft feeling of....now what? I told my husband recently, "We're married, we're done having kids. Now we just get old and die." A friend of mine said, "But next you get to have grandchildren and then retire!" Retirement happened for me a week before Punky was born. Grandchildren are my children's "having a baby" milestone. Likely to happen, but not guaranteed. Surely out of three, I can snag at least one though.

I just get this panicky feeling in my chest where I feel like things are slipping away. I'm crazy, I know. I'm not even thirty. But I didn't finish college, so there's nothing to fall back on when my kids are old enough to spread their wings. My biggest fear is I'm going to be one of those parents who completely lose it when their kids leave home. My mother in law is a great example of what I DO want to be. I believe cultivating healthy friendships through early parenthood and making time for yourself helps avoid that. But none of us really know until we get there.

I keep thinking maybe this whole writing thing will pan out for me. But I'm no closer than I was a year ago, when I decided this was going to be the year. I did finish two novels this year though and I'm very proud of them. I'm finally getting the hang of the whole writing thing. I hope eventually something will happen in those regards for me.

So I'd like to look back on this next year and say I've accomplished a few things. Here are my goals for 29:

1. Lose 15-20 pounds. I'd like to start my 30's off on a good note. I dont think I could handle a double whammy.
2. Edit current MS and write another book
3. Find a part time job
4. Take the kids to Disney and pay CASH (why I listed #3!)
5. Crack down on our budget so we can save for retirement. If we actually have retirement money, I might look forward to it a little more!
6. Start an IRA for myself and contribute the maximum amount
7. do something totally wild and crazy (by my standards)
8. Create an author website.
9. Find friends who GET me. No fluff. I want the down and dirty, what you see is what you get kinda friends.
10. Make a long-term plan for my life that I can be excited about.

There. Now I'm going to need some encouragement to keep these goals. I'll take whatever you want to give.