Wednesday, January 28, 2009

Monday, January 26, 2009

Friday, January 23, 2009

On your third birthday...

Dear Punky,

Three years ago today, I held you in my arms for the very first time.  I watched as your bottom lip pooched out-a trait I later learned you did when you were scared-and you took a breath for the first time.  I watched your father, overwhelmed with emotions, tear up and look at me with a helpless look in his eyes.  We were so smitten, so in love and so incredibly blessed to have you finally make us a family.

Even now, as you trudge your way into the study where I sit, rubbing your sleepy eyes and your hair all askew, I fall in love with you all over again.

This year was a big year for you:  You learned to go potty all the time but you still wear diapers at night.  You learned to mostly dress yourself, save the occasional backwards shirt or wrong-footed shoe.  You grew from a size 2T to half way between a 3T and a 4T.  You discovered Disney Princess movies, dress up, and that you liked to brush Mommy's hair.

By the time you're old enough to read this, you'll probably be rolling your eyes at the story, but you really are our little miracle.  For you see, three years passed with many prayers, many tears and many months without you.  My heart was empty until I found out you were growing inside of me, only I didn't know it.  The first beat of your heart filled me with life.

Everything about you, from your bright blue eyes to your baby nose to your poochy (Griffin) lips, all the way down to your fat little toes (you get those from Nana by the way) creates a peace within me that's unsurpassed by worldly things.  True joy, I've found lies within a single giggle, a hug, or a whispered I love you.  

You're so smart.  I know, all mom's say that, but you are.  You're only 3 and you speak better English than me, could argue with the best of them (although you haven't figured out I always win) and sing songs with an angel's voice.  You love listening to my Twilight soundtrack, Gavin Rossdale and your "New CD" even though you've had it for a year and a half - which could be any CD that isn't mine or your Daddy's - your Bible CD, your silly songs CD or a baby Einstein CD with classical music.  That voice, that sings your baby dolls to sleep now will one day sing your own children to sleep.  Their lives will be richer because of it.

So tomorrow, as we celebrate your birthday with your very own "Princess Party" with all your princess friends, I'll try not to cry and embarrass you.  I'll try to remember that even though you're only 3, you're always going to be my little girl.  You're always going to be that baby that pooched out her bottom lip and wailed at me.  You're always going to be the little girl who called every flower a "lellow" because Grandma's flowers were yellow.  You'll always be the little girl who stole my heart and now carries it safely tucked away in your princess purse, next to the books and baby doll things you love.

Quite simply, I'm always going to be yours.

I love you Punky,

Thursday, January 22, 2009

Growing up

Tomorrow my eldest, Punky, turns three.  It's bittersweet and as her party this weekend draws nearer, I'm finding its hard for me to accept she's getting older.  I less than 3 years, I'll be homeschooling her.  Then she'll be in high school, graduated, college, marriage, children.  It sounds silly but let's face it, time flies.

I didn't have the most traditional time making a family.  Three kids in three years made things fly by faster, it made me miss things.  It made me put her on the back burner far too many times to tend to the two youngest.  She's such a good kid, too, despite all that.  I'm not bragging about my parenting skills, everyone says that about her.  She's a sweet, tender hearted, affectionate kid who is incredibly musical and too smart for her own good most of the time.  I've been so blessed for God to give her me.

When I think back on the fertility struggles, the three years of wondering if I would ever have a baby, I would do it all over in a heartbeat if it meant having her.  My life was irrevocably changed the second I laid eyes on her and for the rest of my life, I will live for my kids and my family and God.  Careers hold no meaning nor does anything else of this world as long as I can hold my growing babies in my arms and know I will always be Mommy.

Tuesday, January 20, 2009

Opinions are like rear ends...everyone's got 'em and some are bigger than others

It's hard not to get caught up in the glamour and glitz of the inauguration.  I, in fact, feel a sense of pride that our country has moved forward from racism and partiality enough to elect a black president.  He's svelte, eloquent and smooth but I can't wait to see if he's more than that.  I truly hope he doesn't disappoint these millions of people who are looking at him with stars in their eyes.

Someone on Dr. Phil said it best yesterday.  You can go in a store right now and purchase a Barack Obama shirt with sequins and hopeful messages all over them.  This man has become a celebrity, not a President.  While watching the inauguration procession today, it reminded me of when Princess Diana died.  The millions of people lining the streets.  People crying at the sight of the car.  The paparazzi going crazy.  I found I was sad.  Maybe it's wrong of me not to give the man the benefit of the doubt.  I maintain he seems like a family oriented decent man, politics aside.  He doesn't seem spiteful or mean.  But I guess over the next few years we'll see what he's made of.

Let's hope he remembers, too, that he's the President of the United States and not Elvis.

Thursday, January 15, 2009

He's Coming for YOU!

Punky was sitting in her carseat Sunday night as we were awaiting Hubby to get out of his deacon meeting.

"The Boogy Man is coming to get me, Mommy!" she said in a urgent voice.

I looked at her a second, afraid of who she's been talking to, worse or where she heard this.  Keep in mind the only place we ever go these days is church.

"Where did you hear about the Boogy Man, Punky?"  

She just grinned and said, "Cinderella told me."  Yeah.right.

"The Boogy Man is so silly, " I say, trying to make sure she's not afraid.  "He goes, "Boogy, boogy boogy!!!" And I danced in my seat.

"You're silly, Mommy!  That's not what the Boogy Man does!"

"Then what does he do?"

"The Boogy Man eats my boogies!  Here!"

Monday, January 12, 2009

Cupcake needs prayers...

Sorry about the delay in posting.  Much has been going on since I was around last.

Cupcake got sick last Thursday, running a fever and acting like she felt horrible.  I figured it was more of the same of this stupid stomach bug we've all had.  She's the only one I wasn't sure had gotten it.  I gave her motrin and sent her to bed.  Friday, my sister in law was watching the kids while I was at a doctors appointment (stupid UTI's!!!) and called me to say I should take Cupcake to the doc.  Her coloring was bad, she was breathing heavy and fast, and her fever had gone up.  At the pediatrician's office, they drew blood.  That seemed to indicate an infection.  Since she's not congested and her ears looked good, the doc catheterized her and drew urine.  Sure enough, the kid has a kidney infection.

It's rare for a kid that's not even 6 months to have one.  I immediately started panicking when she mentioned that she was going to have to put Cupcake through some tests.  She thinks she has kidney reflux (When urine goes back up into the kidney's from the bladder) but we won't know until after the tests are done, probably some time after her well visit on the 21st.  Several people at church told me yesterday that they knew kids who had this and outgrew it without any long term damage.  I sincerely hope so, it's very disconcerting to feel like my kid might have a chronic illness until her body outgrows it.  Apparently treatment for this is a low dose antibiotic, long term until she outgrows it.  It's not guaranteed that she has it, but it seems likely since she's so young with this type of infection.

At the moment, she's responding well to the antibiotics, so we're avoiding a hospital visit.  If she relapses from it, we might wind up there, but I hope not.  Finding a babysitter is difficult these days!

Thursday, January 8, 2009

Cupcake's distress

So I haven't had to go in Cupcake's room at night since she started sleeping through the night on October 17th (I know because it was the night she turned exactly 3 months old).  Imagine my surprise when she started crying at 5 am.  My first thought was a growth spurt or she had flipped over.  She's still not able to roll from her back to her stomach but she's got the stomach to the back down TOO well.  She flips over a lot and wakes herself up.  It's annoying.  But she's never done it at night.

I sneak into her room, trying to make sure she doesn't see me.  There she is, crying with her eyes closed on her tummy.  I gave her some tylenol (she's been gnawing a lot) and moved her down in the bed so she wasn't in the corner.  As I moved her, her sleeve brushed against my hand.  It was wet.  Her sleeve was completely covering her hand....and her thumb.

Ahhh...the poor kid had been trying to suck her thumb through her sleeper, all to no avail and finally had to call me for help.  I rolled her sleeves up and snuck back out of her room.

I didn't hear from her again until 7:30 this morning, the little stinker.

Wednesday, January 7, 2009

Germs germs, go away.

My life is FILLED with all sorts of craziness right now, not to mention my initials right now are P.M.S.  Blogging right now is my way of thumbing my nose at the world and all I NEED to be doing.

This book I'm writing is burning a hole in my computer, waiting to continue.  However, I fear I've backed myself in a hole and thanks to my wonderful crit partners, they've caught it for me before I got in too deep.  It's a fixable problem, but it involves thinking - something I don't have a lot of time to do lately.

Cupcake is having sleep issues.  She's still sleeping her usual 12 hours at night but during the day it's been a nightmare.  I've introduced solids and I think her stomach may be bothering her from that.  Or it could be early teething.  Or it could be developmental.  Who knows.  All I DO know is that I'm at my wits end trying to keep the house clean (and failing miserably), keep the kids alive (that's the tricky one) and finding time for myself.

I'm almost done with the Twilight books, so that will be a relief off of me so I can focus more on writing.  Those stinkin' Twilight books suck you right in!

I think we're all about over all the stomach bugs, colds and such, too.  All the kids are finally ok, Punky hasn't thrown up or had diarrhea now for a couple of days.  We're venturing out to church tonight for the first time as a family of 5 since before Christmas I believe.  But we all know what is lurking in children's classrooms....


Yay for us.  I want a bubble suit that keeps germs away during the winter.  I HATE GERMS!

Tuesday, January 6, 2009

Only my kid

She said the green dress and necklace made her look like Drizella from Cinderella.  Leave it to my kid to want to be an ugly step sister.

Thursday, January 1, 2009

The Picture by Yours Truly

“Have you ever loved someone so much it hurts?”

I nodded and swallowed, not believing that he was actually going to tell me - a virtual stranger - about something so personal.

“I didn’t know her until about this time two years ago.  She came into my life like a tornado.  By the time I realized I couldn’t let her go, she was already gone.  I’ve never felt that helpless.  Never.  I watched the only person I’ve ever really loved waste away with cancer.  But what hurts even more than that, if it’s possible, was her spirit.  You wouldn’t believe the amount of spunk.” 


But I could.

“And I watched that die, too,” he added softly.

Silent tears streamed down my face and from the sound of Nicholas’s voice, he was crying, too.  He sniffed and exhaled against my hair.  “Sorry,” he apologized.  “I’m a wreck tonight.  Today is her birthday.  She couldn’t wait for her birthday.  She said it made her wiser.”  His grin echoed in his voice.

“What was her name?”  I asked even though I knew the answer.

“Emily,” he whispered.

For those of you who don't know, I resolve to make this year MY year to get published.  It's not completely in my hands, but I'm going to do everything possible, starting with this story.  It has the potential to be huge.  I just have to make sure I don't mess it up.  What are your thoughts on this?  If you read this on the inside cover, would you want to read more?  BE HONEST.