- Becoming a mother for the second time in two years
- This is the funny one. Although it wasn't what we expected, it could certainly be one of the greatest accomplishments ever to get pregnant again while on birth control. No missed pills, taken the same time ever night, no antibiotics. Apparently, as I've always said, I never stick with the statistics. I fall into the 0.01% where birth control just isn't effective for me.
- Getting my first manuscript rejection (maybe not an accomplishment for some, but I was just excited I got a request for a partial!)
- Reconnecting with old friends on myspace and facebook
- Celebrating 6 years of marriage (especially since I didn't think we'd even make it to the first one!)
- Getting hubby something he loved for christmas (any of you who know us know that we have an impossibly hard time buying for each other) - I got him an ipod Touch
- Losing almost 7 pounds on Weight Watchers. With hormone issues and being a picky eater, it's really hard for me to lose weight. Those seven pounds had me so motivated...then I found out I was pregnant again.
- While its really my hubby's accomplishment, it was an honor for me, too, since the wife has responsibilities and requirements, too. - Hubby was picked to be a deacon in our church.
- Getting my dream car - a silver mustang convertible with a mach stereo system. Now we're about to trade it for a mini-van and I'm ready to cry, but it was awesome to have that car, if only for a little while.
- And my biggest accomplishment for the year? STAYING SANE WITH TWO KIDS UNDER TWO...OH ANNNND BEING PREGNANT AGAIN!!!
Monday, December 31, 2007
Thursday, December 27, 2007
Monday, December 17, 2007
So I'm not too excited about being uncomfortable earlier, but hopefully once the nausea goes away and I can eat some more, at least I won't have to hide my stomach any more. Right now I just look fat if I try to pull off maternity clothes. Hopefully in a few weeks, I'll have a big enough bulge I can justify a few extra cinnamon rolls. ;o)
Friday, December 7, 2007
Tuesday, December 4, 2007
Monday, November 26, 2007
Monday, November 5, 2007
In other news, I'm participating in the www.nanowrimo.org this month. It's the National writing month and the goal is to get 50,000 words written by 11:59 pm on November 30. It doesn't have to be perfect, just a rough draft. I'm using this time to get my act together for my paranormal series entitled The Storms. Tagline, "They travel to the past with memories of the future." I'm excited to be getting this going after about 10 years of plotting and planning. I'm currently at 10,000 words, so I'm 1/5 of the way there! Wish me luck!
I also am starting my third week of weight watchers. A while back I decided to do something about myself and quit making excuses. Two weeks ago today I took the plunge and did what I swore to myself I'd never HAVE to do. I joined. Two weeks and I'm only down 2 pounds. Of course, last week was my birthday week, Halloween, and yesterday we had a pot luck at our church. The week was doomed from the beginning, but I didn't GAIN, i just certainly didn't lose any. I'm exercising every morning (believe me when I say pushing a double stroller with 50 pounds worth of kids that has unoiled wheels will certainly get the heart pumping) and i'm feeling pretty good. Sugar...sugar just needs to die. If I could avoid sugar, I might be able to do more than 2 pounds a week. My goal is 25 pounds by January 1. We'll see how far I get! 2 pounds is better than nothing, right?
Anyway, I won't be writing much this month with the nanowrimo so don't look for me much until December where I'll have lots to report about all our Christmas events!
Have a great November! And congrats again to Jennifer, you rock (and I'm jealous!)!
Wednesday, October 24, 2007
Anyway, I digress...Two nights ago, I had a dream that will be my next contemporary. I'm in the mental plotting phase and I'm finding that I find ways here and there (in the car on the way to the grocery store, etc.) to brain storm. I'm taking it as a challenge to get the plotting done by the end of the year. I'm going to make 2008 my year! Maybe not get published, but I'm going to finish all these little bits and pieces of books I've got written (some over 40,000 words already, one over 70,000). I'm going to finish those and this new idea so I can focus on my paranormal series, which I feel is most marketable.
What's YOUR goals for next year? (Inspire me some more!)
Monday, October 22, 2007
Keep in mind, now, the Vandy doc was going to make us pay $3K and I have written documentation from him saying his head is severely deformed. Hubby and I didn't think it was too bad (and even at my darkest hour I wouldn't have called it severe now--before yes), but it was still enough I wasn't comfortable leaving it if the doctors felt it was necessary. What a difference a second opinion made!
Thanks for all your prayers and concern. My son officially no longer belongs in the circus (and he can still be chicken little for halloween instead of a biker dude)!
Monday, October 15, 2007
So I've been in contact with the Birmingham office last week and some of today and they're being much nicer than the Vandy office ever was. I don't know if they file insurance...if they don't I'm going to pretty much assume that no one does since it's in two different states. We're prepared to pay the 3K up front, but it's not going to be fun. But Chicken is my concern and I'll do what it takes to make him look normal. Insurance companies stink...have I mentioned that?
Let's see...my Monday was definitely that...a Monday. I had to call poison control today for Punky. I normally put my purse on the counter when I walk in and because she was sleeping and I was carrying her inside earlier today from lunch, I threw it in the floor and forgot about it. Well, Punky got really quiet and I found her in the kitchen with my hand sanitizer and lid flipped open. I didn't think she had ingested much if at all, but I wasn't taking any chances after all those forward emails I get about how a drop can make them drunk. Well, here's some facts for you people...The NATIONAL POISON CONTROL CENTER told me even a 20 month mouthful is typically harmless. She told me to watch her and make sure she didn't get sleepy and if she did to go to the ER. She was fine. I gave her a snack and some milk like they recommended and she never acted any different, so I figured she didn't get any. Needless to say, I threw out every bottle of sanitizer in our possession.
Shortly thereafter, I was giving Punky a bath and Chicken was sitting in the hallway on his blanket playing like he normally does. I usually check to make sure he's far enough away from the wall if he falls backward so he won't hit his head. I didn't this time...wouldn't it figure? He fell backward and hit his head on the baseboard. As soon as I picked up my little crying Chicken, I felt the goose egg. I panicked and called every friend (ok, the only TWO I have locally) that has children and made sure I wasn't supposed to, like, do CPR or something. ;o) No, seriously, believe it or not Punky has never had a goose egg like that as clumsy as she is. All my friends assured me he was probably going to be ok but to make sure he wasn't abnormally sleepy or throwing up. Now, I'm just praying the goose egg goes away before he has to get fitted for a helmet!!! He can't have a knot where he doesn't normally have one!
HA! So what a day it was for me! On the bright side, the kids got up early this morning so they went to bed early. Hubby's at our church's business meeting so I've got the entire evening to myself....Me and Peter Patrelli from Heroes on a Monday night....sigghhhhh....
Wednesday, October 10, 2007
He signs the waiver papers, and tells the lady we need to talk about it before we commit...thank goodness! We then leave, and I having this sinking feeling in my stomach that Chicken's head is NOT going to get fixed and he's going to be a fat little goth boy in high school trying desperately to fit in because he has a flat head and everyone laughs at him...AND he'll probably be going bald if genetics plays any role in this. Hubby doesn't want to buy anything because he thinks his head isn't bad enough. It's not BAD, at least no where NEAR as bad as it was a few months ago - the back of his head looked like an upside down triangle. Now it's round everywhere but in the middle where it's supposed to stick out the farthest on the back. He has a concave part right smack in the middle that when he moves you can see a shadow. It's about as wide as my thumb print but about half that at its deepest and fans out from there. I wish someone had a black and white answer for me. What I would give for the gift of time travel to see what he's going to look like at 18. I can't get past the fact that we have the ability to do something NOW and not later about it. What if he resents us? What if it leads to the life-long misery of never being able to wear glasses because his ears are uneven? Or what if, from what I've read, he has problems with his jaws because everything doesn't line up? What about his eyes? The doc did say that since he sleeps on his tummy and is upright most of the day he didn't see it getting worse, but he simply couldn't tell us if it would get any better. Can someone just tell me what to do so I don't have to be responsible for this kind of decision????
On a lighter note, after the appointment, we had most of the day to run around Nashville. We went to a really cool restauarant in Opry Mills Mall called The Aquarium. It's got this HUGE aquarium in the middle and the whole restaurant is set up around it. There's sharks, schools of unknown HUGE fish, colorful tropical fish, sea horses, eels (yuck, I get the hibby-jibbies when I see those things!), and numerous other....fish. Can you tell I'm not edumacated in the area of fish? Punky fell in love and she was mesmerized, as was Chicken who sat in his stroller the whole time we ate simply staring and letting out the occasional squeal or giggle. Oh, and they were so excited they both pooped. Yeah, I do mean that literally.
We had a lot of fun having our first family outing as a family of four. They both did quite well in the car, much to my surprise. Chicken slept for about half the ride and I brought half of Punky's library and she occupied herself "reading." She's getting to be so precious, not that she hasn't always been, but today while we were standing and looking at the aquarium she came up to me and hugged my arm and said, "Iluhyoooou" (I love you.) My heart just melted. My kids are my life and to be rewarded so spontaneously like that almost made me cry. Finally! Punky's recognizing my worth in this whole thing called life. That's right kid, you're learning!
Anyway, after the aquarium we walked around the mall for a bit where Punky dutifully pointed out every "puntin" she saw. We went in Old Navy and shopped a little. As usual she found a ball she wanted to hold (I don't know why they keep those things everywhere!) and we finally left, walking right out with it. I was about two stores down when I realized we were thieves and I jetted around nearly slinging Punky out of the stroller (Thank goodness for seatbelts!), glancing left and right to make sure mall security wasn't on my tail and walked back in, nonchalantly laying the ball back on a display table as I appeared interested in a hideous sweater. Whew! That was close!
In closing, a few posts ago there was an anonymous comment left about ASEMT helmets for children bought online. I would love to talk more about this if by chance you're reading this. I really need to examine all my options and this is something hubby wants to look into as well. PLEASE post again with your email or a way for me to get in touch with you! Thanks!
Tuesday, October 9, 2007
After the kiddos took their afternoon nap, we headed out to a local farm that's more like a country park. You have to pay to get in and there they have swings, a hay maze, animals to pet, a small barn where you can plummet from the window to your death, er, jump for fun into a fluffy stack of hay and a little ride for the kids that Punky wouldn't go near and a hay ride for the adults into the pumpkin patch where you pick your own pumpkin straight from the vine. It was hot out but it was worth it to see Punky loving everything and having so much fun. Chicken didn't do much except look so I'm not sure what he thought. He passed out in the car on the way home so I figured he was just worn out from everything. We took pictures and enjoyed every moment of making those family memories that mean so much and the best part was we got to go with some good friends of ours who has a little 3 month old sweetheart. We got a picture of all three of the kids on a hay stack and it's just too cute! Having days like that are what it's all about and it's those days that I now know I was longing for when I couldn't have children and knew something was missing. There's nothing like seeing the wonder in your children's eyes as they round in awe, point their little chubby finger and turn wide, excited eyes to you and say, "Puntin!" Well, Punky got her puntin and she's very proud of it!
On yet another note, we've decided to list our house in the spring and start looking elsewhere. We've been in this house almost exactly 4 years and while I LOVE the house and the floor plan the neighborhood is starting to be a little questionable. It's not bad yet, but we got this feeling when we were in our condo and we were right to move when we did. So we're paying attention this time instead of waiting until the last minute. So now I'm in planning mode, keeping my eye on the market and trying to declutter our house and shove everything that hasn't been used in 6 months into a bin that will go neatly into the attic for no one to see when they're viewing it. It will certainly be a challenge to go list the house because of the kids and the chaos their toys will cause (and Chicken will probably be walking by then so that's even more of a mess with finger prints everywhere--and will someone tell me WHY ON EARTH we decided on glass coffee tables and end tables AND a BLACK glass entertainment center with the TV attached?) So, anyway, here's to moving in the summer!
Thursday, October 4, 2007
2. Play house with my baby dolls. Because my mother wouldn't let me play with real milk, I opted to use flour and water in a real bottle for my babies. My babies needed to eat! Talk about ingenious!
3. Read books. My favorites were The Secret Garden and picture books with life-like pictures. Sort of like clay-mation stuff now.
4. Ride my strawberry shortcake tricycle. I used to run from a lot of imaginary things.
5. Pop wheelies off the end of the sidewalk at my house on my bike with my cousin Sabrina.
6. Play treasure hunt, which consisted of real maps and...uh oh watch out! The rugs in the house were all quick sand and we somehow managed to ALWAYS fall in!
7. Turn cartwheels in my front lawn. Sadly, I never got very good at this. In this case, practice NEVER made perfect.
8. Take my tape player in the bathroom while I took a hot bath and sing Debbie Gibson at the top of my lungs. Usually my mom would have to bang on the door and tell me to hush.
9. Read a V.C. Andrews novel with the window up in my bedroom while listening to the spring birds. This of course, was early to middle teenage years.
10. Go shopping....back then I usually got whatever I wanted if I begged long enough. And it was usually a barbie or something for my barbies.
11. Write. I wrote my first "novel" when I was six. I still have it somewhere. It was entitled "The Bear Who Ate Christmas" story and illustrations by me. Stapled at the sides for a book-like feel. I was soooo proud!
12. Color. But it had to be barbie coloring-books. I always colored their lips red or pink first. And of course, blue eyes. I even once colored the babies on one page all black...literally. I remember asking my mom after that why we called them black when in fact they weren't.
13. Those little coloring books that you brushed water over to "paint". I could sit for hours with an emptied, cleaned Country Crock butter bowl full of water and a paint brush and create what I thought was a masterpiece. Of course, in reality I used too much water and made a runny mess, but boy it was fun!
Wednesday, October 3, 2007
I'm dealing with some things (mainly people) in my personal life right now that are taking a huge toll on my confidence and other aspects of my life. That's really all I can say specifically but it just hurts. I hate conflict of any kind and to think that someone doesn't like me sends me running with my tail between my legs like the weakling I am. I literally get sweaty hands, a racing heart and my brain shuts down at conflict. I like people to like me and think of me as a good person. I mean, I like to think I'm a good person anyway, maybe others see me as something else. I have my faults, just like everyone else on earth.
I read a friend's blog recently about how she had a hard time standing up for herself. Well, that's me, too. I sit back and let people take advantage of me. I've done this since I was in elementary school and then I go home and cry because I don't have the guts to say anything. In high school I was bullied and made fun of until I was so depressed I couldn't think straight. It gets to me when people do this, even now. You'd think by now I would learn that it's just life. What really matters is how me, my family and God see me. And that really IS all that matters to me, but I would LIKE to just keep peace and remain in my happy, aloof, ignorant state. If you don't like me, just don't tell me or act like it and I'll be fine. I'm way too observant so most often I notice things, even if you think I don't so you've got to be a brilliant actor to keep it from me. My husband has a favorite expression. "I saw that micro-expression!" Apparently it's some sort of term he learned in psychology and it's a good one. Micro-expressions are my curse.
But you know, I try. I try to be friends with everyone. Occasionally, maybe even more than I realize, my candor comes across as arrogance or pushiness. I'm not smart, I'll be the first to tell you that, nor am I intelligent in most regards. But I have a LOT of common sense and a few little bursts of wisdom occasionally but anything I ever say to anyone is simply that, just what I'm saying. My hubby once told me a VERY wise comment, "You can't listen if you're talking."
On a lighter note, Punky has a new funny. She's been learning to put three very different syllables together like, "All better". Since it's fall, she's been obsessing over puntins (pumpkins)lately, too. So this morning when she came in to greet me when she first got up, I said, "Hey Punkin." I say it alot but today it stuck. I was in the kitchen doing something when she meandered over to me, looked up and said to me very brightly in all seriousness, "Hi Puntin!"
I don't know why this struck me as so funny, but everytime I think about that, I just grin. Believe me, Punky's antics, Chicken's smile and Hubby's love and logical reasoning has gotten me through this very difficult week!
Monday, October 1, 2007
Saturday, Hubby made Play-Doh with Punky and then we took them to the park at the military base here in town. It wasn't crowded like the other parks and it was a nice little toddler playgroud. Apparently they don't spend much on the landscaping. Half way there I fell in to a calf-deep hole (while holding Chicken) and took a plunge to the ground. Luckily Chicken was fine albeit a little stunned. But he found my oooooohing from pain quite entertaining. The turkey.
So all night Saturday my ankle was hurting as was my arm because I somehow managed to pull muscled there, too. Oh well. That'll teach me to look where I'm going now, won't it?!
Thursday, September 27, 2007
2....Looking into my baby boys eyes for the first time and fearing I will somehow make him gay.
3....Looking into my husband's eyes and saying I do.
4....Getting my first return mail from an agent and fearing she would request more.
5....Having my house a total disaster 2 hours before multiple dinner guests were arriving and knowing they'll see what a good housewife I REALLY am!
6....Signing my name at the bottom of the legal closing papers for our new house.
7....Opening up to anyone and letting them see who I really am.
8....Watching a mouse scurry past my bare feet in the garage.
9....Watching my husband play with the snake after said rat in the garage the next morning.
10...Going camping and being awakened by something chewing outside my tent (still too scared to know what that REALLY was)
11....Watching the Blair Witch Project. (I think it's stupid now, but I was so scared I cried when I watched it for the first time)
12...Quitting my job and letting Hubby take sole responsibility for keeping a roof over our heads (which he's doing a wonderful job at!)
And something I just experienced two weekends ago...
13....Riding under a huge flock of birds in my convertible with the top down.
Ok, so I've lived a boring life.... :oD
Tuesday, September 25, 2007
I mean, I wouldn't define it as a CRISIS, per say, but more of an awareness that I'm getting more and more determined to do something about. I'm not happy with the way I look, nor am I usually content with many aspects of my life other than my children (I find I always want things to be better). I'm still a good 20-25 pounds overweight. Most of that is from the hormone problems before I was ever pregnant. Pregnancy actually made me drop 20 pounds without doing a thing other than cooking a baby. I'm walking twice a week. Not a drop in the bucket for those 25 pounds I need to get off, but certainly more than it was. Before it was see how fat Stephanie could get and while we're at it lets buy some Little Debbie's to cement my self titled-ness as Spare Tire Stephanie.
But you know what? Last night I had an epiphany. An old high school friend of mine came over for dinner and while it lacked a lot in the conversation department (completely my fault) and babies cried all the way through dinner, I realized that I was ok with who I am. I think getting on myspace and getting back in touch with a lot of friends embarrassed me when they saw my pictures. In high school I was pretty, I'm not being full of myself because I'm anything but now, but hindsight is 20/20. That was the image that my friend probably still had of me in his mind. And when I opened the door when he arrived, I was terrifed he'd give me the once over and say, "wow" and I'd know it wasn't in a good way. But you know what? By the end of the night I realized that it didn't matter how I looked physically or how embarrassed I might be of that. I came away from it wondering if he saw any differences in me. Not physically (obviously there are some there) but if he saw me not as the brooding teenager I once was, but as happier and grown up. I finally realized that was all that mattered was that I'm happy and content. Now, being the pessimist I am, I can always find something to complain about, but I did feel pride for how much I have now. Two beautiful children who are the light of my world, a good husband, a beautiful home, a kick-butt car (I love my 'stang!), and I know that no matter what I have materialistically those things fall pathetically short when my family is around and I see the many blessings God has given me in them. Every toothless grin, every sloppy baby kiss and yes, even every time Chicken yanks a fistful of hair out, is a blessing to me.
At the end of the day, while I was still conscious of how I looked and how he must see me now, I knew that none of that mattered. When I closed the door last night behind him, I only hoped that he saw me as happy and a thought never crossed my mind that I wish he saw me as "skinny" or "cute". Skinny isn't much when there's nothing behind a smile. Hopefully my smile showed that in the nine years since I'd seen him, my life was full of abundant blessings that can never be shown through a small waist or skinny face. That I realized this, my friends, is the beginning of the end of my early life crisis.
Friday, September 21, 2007
I mean, seriously, is that not the funniest thing you've ever seen? Hubby and I are still debating dropping the hat and getting him some green glasses and spiking his hair red for Halloween. It's just priceless. He apparently liked it too, he's always quick to smile, but boy he was grinning ear to ear while Punky and I laughed at him. Hmmm, maybe that's why.
Anyway, I'm off to decorate for halloween!
Thursday, September 13, 2007
1…. I'm obsessed with Lysol Antibacterial Wipes.
2.... I'm shy when it comes to introducing myself to new people.
3.... I'm a deacon's wife within my church.
4.... I'm addicted to email - if I'm walking by the computer I MUST hit send/receive.
5.... I hate wearing shoes.
6.... I hate shopping for myself but would spend every penny I have on my family or even a complete stranger just to make them happy.
7.... I frequently let people who have less than me in line at the grocery store go ahead of me.
8.... I love seeing my children smile and learn new things.
9.... I love my in-laws - they're like the family I always dreamed of!
10... I believe that all children are born with only a temperament and we must teach them everything from how to sleep all the way to having a tender and humble heart.
11... I actually miss the hick town I grew up in and its simplicity sometimes - I just don't miss most of the people.
12... I'm a closet writer (as you know.)
13... If I was young and stupid again (not to mention skinny), I'd die my hair pink and platinum. :o)
Get the Thursday Thirteen code here!
Tuesday, September 11, 2007
So I did a little research. Here's Pre- Baby Britney:
And here is Post-Baby Britney:
Do YOU see a baby pooch! It's GONE in my opinion. But it could be worse. I mean, seriously, would they rather look at the above or see her strutting her stuff looking like this?
Isn't that great?
Believe me - a mother of two -it could be a lot worse than it is!
Don't all these journalist idiots who are desperate for a story know that I would KILL to be as fat as Britney Spears was at the VMAs? Find a real story and leave the poor girl alone! Looks like she's done some major work to me!
Monday, September 10, 2007
So it hits me Friday night around 3 am when I wake up to roll over. I've got a horribly sore throat and feel that heavy, I'm-going-to-be-sick-in-the-morning feeling. I can't sleep without my fan on so I have to suffer through the even drier, scratchier throat I'll have by morning. Sure enough, I wake up to that gross feeling and it plagues me all day. By Saturday night, I was doped up on Sudafed, Claritin and Afrin carrying around my box of kleenex and groaning about how much I hate feeling bad. And for some reason, I get extra weepy when I've got a cold. I could be puking my guts up and I'm stronger than when I've got a measly cold. I guess it's the fact I know there is no cure nor will it be going away any time soon.
I've been blessed with a horrible immune system that allows me to keep a cold around for about 2 weeks. 3 days down, 11 to go approximately.
My mother in law has an "extra fun" shopping day planned for all of us girls (me, Punky and my 3 sister in laws) this Saturday while the Hubbies are dove hunting. Of course, fun and shopping don't go hand in hand with me. Not right now at the weight I'm at. Did I mention since I got a cold my new "diet" has been shot? I want nothing but junk when I'm sick. Maybe that's a mental thing, but it's certainly what I do. And the whole dove hunting thing just cracks me up when I think about it. Hubby is about as far away from a hunter as he can get. He's such a city boy and if anything, I should be the one hunting since I'm the country girl!
Well, I'm off to go drown in a bowl of brownies and then to bed I go. I simply can't take all my kids energy when I'm this sick. I'm sooo beat from running after Punky today. Hopefully tomorrow will be a better day!
Saturday, September 8, 2007
In other news, I began writing again on my paranormal series. These books are just burning a whole in my brain to get out! My muse usually comes to visit me in the fall and stays awhile. I guess it's just the beautiful weather (although it's still hot, she FEELS fall, too). And I usually do my best work when I'm tired. I'm convinced its the only time my brain can remember a little of the stuff I learned in high school!
Have you ever done that? Gone back through something from high school or college and think, WOW! Did I really write that? I come across stuff all the time from that era that I wrote during class or when I was truly inspired. I've discovered now that I'm out of work and into an at-home frame of mind, my creativity is stagnant in my writing. In high school, we always learned new vocabulary words and I FELT more feelings. I'm into this comfortable rut where I only feel the same things over and over as a mom and wife. I'm used to them in a way so I don't pay attention to that as much. I don't feel those crazy hormonal highs and lows from back then that fed my characters emotions and gave me new material and interesting twists. Now I actually have to WORK for those ideas...like, as in, coming up with this stuff. Before I didn't have to think about much, my muse did a lot of things for me. I truly am amazed at things I find sometimes. Words that I didn't realize I ever knew or catchy little phrases that showed intelligence just shock me when I read them. I guess I should do more things to inspire me. Like going and sitting in the mall and trying to remember those days, far gone as they may be, to maybe help me remember something.
Anyway, I truly believe this new paranormal series that I've got going is highly marketable. I don't boast the writing is marketable, just the idea. However, if I could step back into those hormonal teenagers keds I once wore, I think all the components would be there! Anyone got any inspiration for me out there???
Wednesday, September 5, 2007
So last night I approached the subject of church with my mom. They are the ones who raised me to go to church and now, as a result I have a fabulous husband and a wonderful family of in laws. She told me she always prayed for a Christian man for me. So why, oh why have they stopped going to church?
Simple really. The congregation they went to wasn't very friendly, there was a lot of politics, and they had a LOT of questions about some of the elders/deacons there and they're qualifications. I have to admit since I've grown in the church and learned more and more, I have to agree with these things. I'm not saying that the church doesn't have nice people who want to do what's right, I'm saying that actions speak louder than words when it comes to encouragement sometimes and no one...absolutely no one has contacted them to bring them back. The church I go to would be calling them once a week if not more to schedule meetings to see why they're not coming and offer encouragement. It speaks a lot of the eldership in the congregation that they've lost a family and no one even bothered to figure out why. My parents have been sorely discouraged by this and the example of many of the members. So, in short, I can't blame them for not going there.
But I can blame them for not picking up and heading elsewhere. I tried to encourage my mom and tell her that there was several other good places she should go, but she insisted when everything was right and perfect in her mind and she understood everything she would go somewhere she liked. I think she's confused about the whole fellowship hall vs. no fellowship hall, but that's no excuse not to go. But, she argued, she wasn't going to go somewhere "like my church" and have her head filled with what might be "fallible" ideas so she could learn more about it. No, she had to figure it out on her own. And like her mind (and every other person on this planet) can't be fallible?
Excuses go a long way in telling me that she just doesn't want to go. Now she'll argue with me that she's not making excuses, that she just doesn't "think" about going anymore and that's not the same as "deciding not to go." But, I ask you, is "not thinking" about church the same as making the decision not to go? Making the decision, conscious or not, not to set the alarm clock on Saturday night to go on Sunday is very much telling me her priorities are elsewhere. She knows how I feel about this and how I feel about my kids being exposed to a home that's not centered around God. I don't think they're bad people or mean and cruel, I just simply want my kids to grow up seeing the wonderful result of a God-centered family. I feel if they always wonder why Nana and Pa don't go to church it will cause a barrier so to speak with Punky and Chicken's relationship with them. Does that even make sense?
In essence, my parents make nonsense excuses. I recently told my step-dad that they should get out and get some fresh air in the evenings and take a walk. He's diabetic, she's overweight so it would be good for both of them. His excuse? "If you go out walking around here, you get shot!" Whaaaaa? I live in a city about 3 times the size of theirs with three times the crime rate and I can assure them, they probably won't get shot taking a walk down the road or even going to the track field and walking there where EVERYONE walks. The majority of their city is over the age of 60 anyway so chances are between the age and the alzeimers that's kicked in, the person that's about to shoot them will likely forget what they're doing before they pull the trigger. Anyway, I digress. Back the excuses. I tried to tell my mom she should get out more and stimulate her brain with fresh air instead of the asbestos in her house. "What's wrong with staying inside? My mom did it and everyone tried to nag her about that all the time. She was perfectly fine staying inside." My grandmother was a bitter, hateful woman (who did have a sweet side with me but rare for others to see) who complained constantly and ultimately died from an aneurism due to years of high blood pressure from said worrying and complaining. Apparently she wants to be like that?
Come see your grandkids. "That long (2 hour) drive just kills me." Or, "We can't afford the gas." Or, "I just don't feel like it." When I call her on it, it somehow winds up my fault because I haven't come to see THEM or they have to bounce checks to come here. No responsibility taken there.
I once asked them to meet me half way, an hour for both of us for lunch so they could see the kiddos. "We can't get ready in time." But yet it was 9 o'clock her time and it only took an hour to get there. She could get ready in TWO HOURS? I think that time she actually had a legitimate excuse later, but that was the first thing that came from her mouth, she couldn't get ready in time.
I could write for years on this subject. You would think after years of trying to make them see things I might have gotten somewhere. I guess they just see me as their little girl who's full of poop and I don't really know much. I like to think of myself as insightful and humble enough to admit when I need to do something (even if I protest in the beginning I eventually come around). I'm observant and sometimes that's my downfall. The worst of all is I just can't keep my mouth shut when I see someone, namely my mom and step-dad unhappy and pretty much suffering through each and every day just to get to the next. So last night, I offended her and fully suspect that I won't be hearing from her for a while. She's just like that.
I KNOW they've had hard times and aren't doing well financially. I KNOW they don't have God in the center of their lives. I'm not judging their hearts, only their actions. I KNOW they love me and the kids. But WHY make so many excuses that hurt me so much and eventually hurt the kids when they're old enough to understand?
I KNOW all this because I've lived my whole life wondering why I wasn't good enough for my dad to want to have a relationship with me. I've lived knowing my mom did the best she could with what limited resources she had but still left me with some pretty severe emotional baggage. I've lived my entire marital life feeling unworthy of my Hubby and wondering if I will ever get passed it. Now I keep wondering if I'm going to mess up Punky and Chicken, too. But overall, I think I've got a pretty stable life full of goodness and happiness. Hubby is amazing to have put up with me for so long and he's just an amazing guy overall. If had to count the number of times he's sat and held me while I cried over these things, well, I just couldn't do it. Last night I was pretty upset and just like always he held me and helped me understand that not everyone makes the choice to be happy or do something about their unhappiness. I have and will continue to do so. If I stop, I hope someone jerks a knot in my tail!
Tuesday, September 4, 2007
On Saturday, the inlaws kept the kiddos for us and I slept most of the morning. In the afternoon Hubby and I went to get a salad (gag, but a diet is a diet) and then spent the next few hours shopping. Then we picked up the kiddos and called it a day. Nothing new there, that's pretty much every Saturday for us.
Sunday was uneventful. We went to church where Chicken screamed through both services. Again, nothing new there.
Yesterday, for the holiday, we spent the first half of the day at home chilling and then went around 3:30 over to the inlaws for burgers. There, Punky played outside with the hose and Chicken screamed.
We must fix this whole screaming business. Chicken is already getting smacked on the leg for his temper but he's not getting it. At this age, Punky KNEW and I feel like Chicken does, too. I think he's going to be a stubborn kid. I'm prepared for that. I knew I was getting off too easy with him since he's a pretty happy kid. I figured there would be SOMETHING that would come up.
Today, we've started our normal week a day late and I'm starving. I weeded this morning and according to http://www.thedailyplate.com/ I burned 300 calories doing that for 45 minutes. I'm really trying to hold back on my food intake so I can enjoy dinner but all this has really made me realize that I eat very little but stuff very high in calories. As Hubby said if I could just eat the right things, I'd lose that 25 pounds in no time! I'm really wanting to do it, granted that I can do some exercising to speed things along, but I'm not expecting much. Because of my hormone imbalance and PCOS its SOOOO very hard for me to lose weight. Hubby argues I've never stuck with anything but I have, for over a month before and wound up GAINING weight. It's so frustrating when I see that and it makes me just want to go grab the nearest big, fat chocolate chip cookie and enjoy it. Because...hey, after all when I was on a diet I gained weight avoiding that kind of thing, right? So if I eat it, what's the difference? I've never really tried this dailyplate site, which counts your calories and tells you how much you have left for the day, etc, so I'm going to hop to it and see what happens. If I'm still the same in a month after exercising, calorie counting and all that gross stuff, I'm going to a doctor to see what's wrong. I know I should be able to lose weight that way and if I can't, doesn't that mean somethings wrong?
I haven't worn regular winter clothes in 2 years. Why you ask? Oh yeah, that whole pregnancy thing. I would REALLY like to look my best when I buy some new clothes this year and feel good about buying them instead of feeling like I'm wasting money on things better left on the rack for someone who deserves them. *Sigh* The first few days of dieting always gets to me...I'm still positive and determined to do something about all this and at the very least I'll FEEL different even if I don't look different. I just hate waiting to see if it's actually going to work. Why, oh why, can't someone invent a cheap liposuction machine for the public to buy?!?
Well, it's almost lunch...here's to salad!
Thursday, August 30, 2007
This time of year always makes me reminiscent of football season. I was a band nerd. I played flute and was drum major for the last two years of high school. My mother always argued with me that those were the best times of my life. Perhaps not the BEST, because I would consider marrying Hubby and having Punky and Chicken the best, but it was certainly the funnest time of my life. I enjoyed every ballgame, every bus ride, every band competition. I loved meeting new people and having nothing short of a circus around me during those times. I absolutely loved to go out for a ride through the mountains with the windows down and music blaring during this time of year. And when I'm honest with myself, I felt really good about myself and how I looked.
Obviously when we get married and have kids, gain about 40 pounds (20 of which are finally gone thanks to Punky!), you don't really want the attention anymore. Especially when you go from getting really hot guys in high school and college giving you loads of attention (like hubby!) to driving down the road some 40 pounds heavier and the only thing that looks your way is some odd looking THING that's about 50 years old, has two teeth and is trying to flirt with you while hanging out of his construction vehicle going down the interstate. Yes, I decided THAT DAY I wanted to become invisible forever. But I digress...
In High school, I was miserable. I couldn't wait to get out, go to college, get married, having kids, etc., etc. Looking back, it was still fun, even if it was hard emotionally. I tend to wish my life away I've discovered. These days, I think if I can just get Punky to 2 years old, we'll be home free. Or, if Chicken could just get his tooth in, things will be fine. If I could just lose 25 more pounds... Everyday there is one thing I'm looking forward to being over.
But what about now? I thank God everyday for my children. I think I've made that clear, but I do still tend to wish them older or wish for circumstances that will take awhile to achieve. I'm doing what I did in high school. Today, I realized that 20 years from now I'll be wishing my kids were little again. I'll be thinking that these were the greatest times of my life, and 20 years from now i'll be waiting for something else to be over. I want to enjoy TODAY and I will...starting TODAY.
So I started all this talk about high school, right? Well, that's what started it. I barely slept last night (compliments of a new book idea running through my head) and I had a lot of time to think about things and how I'm really tired of waiting for something to happen instead of making it happen. High school was a fun time when I felt somewhat good about myself and who I was. I've decided that I'm losing that 25 pounds I want gone. I've decided instead of trudging through the day in a stay-at-home-mom fog, I'm getting up, getting a shower, even *gasp* putting on makeup (Ok, maybe not everyday but the days I feel the worst) and getting things back the way I want them to be with ME. I know Hubby is tired of hearing me complain about myself, so I'm not going to have anything to complain about. I'm losing that doggone weight if it kills me! (And not eating brownies just might!)
I don't want to BE in high school again, I want to FEEL like I did then. And I know I can. I might even grow my hair out again. :o)
Wednesday, August 29, 2007
On a side note, I saw a Toxic friend I used to have at my first job. She got me in heaps of trouble at work because I was desperate for friends (it was after I first moved here) and then refused to own up to it and blamed it on me. At the time I knew her, we were both battling infertility so it was easy to bond with her, even though her attitude was fickle to say the least. One day we were best friends, the next she acted like I was an annoyance. When I left that job, (I'm still sending up thanks for finding another one) we didn't part on good terms because by that point I didn't care if we were friends. I had been in another department for a year before I left and we hadn't been too close. I later found out she was the kind of person who talked about you behind your back. Boy did I feel stupid for trusting her!
Well, she was in the pediatrician's office with her little girl (apparently she got pregnant, too) and she was obviously pregnant again. She took one glance at me and took off in the opposite direction. Too bad, i was going to "love my enemy" and be nice to her. Her little girl was cute, too. I heard her call her Allison. I think it's a very pretty name. Let's just hope she doesn't teach her her conniving and backstabbing personality! I'm going to have to say a prayer for that. No child deserves that.
Monday, August 27, 2007
So that's what I did on Friday. I jumped in my car, drove to Tennessee, enjoyed the scenery of driving through absolutely nowhere and at the end of my journey, my best friend was waiting. And I got to meet the new addition to her family, who is 4 weeks old and adorable. We spent the day talking, just because we're so good at it, and went to eat at Olive Garden for lunch (YUM!). It was so nice to see her and to remember that bit of myself I used to be, long before babies and becoming a wife. I'm still not sure who that person was, and even though I'm glad she's mostly gone, there's still that bittersweetness at thinking where I've came from as a skinny, slightly wild girl and where I am today. My best friend and I had to part ways when she moved to her mother's house in high school, but through the years we've kept in touch and now we both have two children, almost the same ages. She's the kind of friend that even though you don't agree on everything, you just get that about each other and you don't have to put on an act or worry constantly about what you say or do that you might offend each other. She's also the kind of friend that you picture still getting together for lunch with when you're 80, even if it's over nursing home cafeteria food, just to gab the day away about anything and everything. It's refreshing because while I have good friends here, there's no one like her nor do I suspect there ever will be again. It makes me want to move back home, or at least a bit closer so we can see each other more and our kids can play.
On my drive back, it was shadowed by the fact Chicken hadn't slept well without me all day and Punky was and is still having separation issues. My husband called me just before I was going to leave to make sure I was going to have my butt home in time to help him and yes, I said, I would be home in time to hold his hand. Geez. How do single men survive without a woman? Occasionally he'll get on these kicks where he feels the need to do things himself, get all frustrated that the kids aren't doing what they're supposed to do (you know, like go to sleep), keep at it until they pass out then come to me and make the very astute point that regardless of how he did it, the end result is still sleep. I'm a stickler for wanting things done my way, nothing wrong with that as long as it's not sinful or hurting anyone, but he's a stickler for proving to me that while he must call me every chance that i'm away to make sure I'll be home, sometimes I think he just wants me home so he can show me they can go to sleep when they're routine is all messed up. Men. Can't live with 'em, can't shoot 'em. Why do we still love them so much? I reckon we're all glutton for punishment! ;o)
On a happier note about my sweet, handsome, loving husband, we did get to spend the day together Saturday and got to enjoy each other. Chicken and Punky stayed with his parents all day and we went out to eat and spent the day on the military base. I'm obsessed with military bases, probably because I dated four military guys in my younger years and was exposed just enough to pique my curiosity, not to mention that's where Hubby works. So he took me to show me where he works.
Let me just tell you about his cushy little NASA working conditions. Dead ant carcasses lined his desk. The floors might have been cleaned ONCE in the last 40 years. It smelled like the library in a nursing home. Everything was yellowed with age. His desk was at least 20 years old. The only thing new in his cubicle was his computer and this years calendar. I asked him if no one came by to clean the ants or empty the trash. Yes, but just the trash. He said they might swipe down the shelves with something occasionally, but let me tell you. Even with a full ant colony, it takes a lot of time for that many ants to go legs up. So I've made it my mission to get him some cleaning supplies to dispose of the ants and work in conditions suitable for coming home and playing with children. The best part? Last week, Hubby says, they had YELLOW WARNING TAPE up while they were in the rafters repairing something because of the asbestos in the air. Lovely. Now, not only do I have to worry about him coming home with some sort of unknown disease from all the dead insect, now he'll probably have lung cancer from the asbestos! You'd think our government would want a little something better for their employees, especially since they're sending them to outerspace. Let me tell you, that building I was in was definitely from another world!
That was my weekend, what about yours?
Monday, August 20, 2007
Punky decided to sleep 45 minutes and wake up crying really hard. I went in to rock her and finally she went back to sleep and slept over an hour (molar #2 is coming down). Chicken Little? Oh no, he stands at a whopping 45 minute afternoon nap. Where did my good sleepers go? I guess i've bragged one too many times about having two hours to myself in the afternoon. Just when I nailed the two hour naps with him, he goes and starts teething. I KNOW that's what it is because he has the facial rash, gnawing on his fingers, and not to mention I can SEE the teeth. Punky didn't get her first one until she was 9 months old, so I didn't expect to go through this so soon. Of course, now that I have Chicken I've definitely decided to that nothing about Punky was normal or average. Now i'm realizing how much HARDER I'm going to have to work with Chicken to get him where Punky is in the manner, obeying and humbleness department. Wish me luck!
In other news...wait there is no other news. HA! Today was just one of those days where I wish I could just go to bed and start over....or skip the whole day entirely. But like I mentioned earlier, today might not have even been a bad day if I didn't have my kiddos. I'm really trying to remember that and be thankful for them (which I am, just some days more than others!). Here's for a better day tomorrow!
Saturday, August 18, 2007
I attempted to go to a ladies lectureship at our church today. It actually started Friday night and began again this morning at 9 am, lasting until around 3:30. Well, last night since my sister in law was in town, we ate dinner with the fam and we all decided to skip last night and go today. Since I've been going nonstop for about a month now every weekend, I told the Hubby that I really just wanted to spend the morning with him and the kids and I'd go to the afternoon session. So he took Punky to the store with him (how's that for quality time with the fam when HALF OF THEM WEREN'T HERE!) to get some things to finish up his honey-do list (yes, I'm getting THAT organized lately) while Chicken Little took his morning nap. I had a quiet 45 minutes before Chicken decided to get up. He's teething (much earlier than Punky, I might add), so if I don't keep him doped up on Motrin he doesn't nap well nor is he pleasant to be around. So after that I wound up getting the dreaded shower (why is it I hate them so?!) while he listened to a Baby Einstein lullaby cd, which turns him comatose the instant it starts playing. I'm not even exaggerating either. It did the same with Punky, too. When I get out of the shower and see him (he sits outside the shower door kind of half way in my closet) he usually smiles the instant he sees me. Not when that blasted CD is on. He just looks at me like I'm disturbing his daydreams of pink elephants and flying pigs that, probably in his mind, are wearing tutus and eating...baba's or something. Hey, that's all his little baby mind knows.
After that (yes, I told you this was uneventful, so stop rolling your eyes, I need something to write about, ok?!) the Hubby came home with Punky and we decided to go BACK out to Olive Garden for lunch. I love Olive Garden, especially their breadsticks dipped in a side container of their wonderful salad dressing. Try it sometimes, it's better than marinara sauce in my humble opinion. So lunch was uneventful except Chicken deciding he was going to get fussy from lack of sleep. So then I headed to the afternoon sessions of the lectures at church.
I sat down and was pretty impressed with the woman's demeanor at first. But oh.my.word. did she talk fast. I mean, I'll be woman enough to admit that I'm not up to speed on the book of Esther anyway, so for crying out loud, I missed the first sessions lady so I NEED YOU TO SLOW DOWN so I can at least understand what you're saying! But then she started preaching...yes preaching. I guess I'm so used to seeing males do this that it stuns me when women have the bold voice, dramatic pauses and rhetorical questions. I mean, we're supposed to keep silent (yes this was all ladies, so it was ok for her to do this), but where did she learn this?! Did she go to a preaching school or something, because I just don't see how that kind of thing comes naturally, says the girl who poops a brick at the mere thought of public speaking. But anyway, after my brain finally caught up with her tongue, I enjoyed the first session and was looking forward to the next.
Just before the end of it, me and the lady next to me heard a cell phone buzzing somewhere. Paranoid I checked mine in case the vibrator on my phone suddenly decided to change. Nope not mine. But I should have known it was a premonition of sorts. Less than a minute after that I see HOME calling on my cell phone. Oh goodness, here's the Hubby on one of his 300 phone calls of reassurance that, no, he's not doing anything wrong and yes, sometimes he just cries like that. And yes, it's ok to ignore him for a few minutes to see if he settles and just call me back in a little while if he's still doing it. Actually, it was more of a getyourbootyinthecarrightnowandcomehomebecauseyoursoniscryingandwon'tstopandI'vedoneeverythingIknowtodo conversations. The sheer panic in his voice was enough for me not to even ask questions. I just went back into the auditorium, told my mother in law I was leaving because the Hubby was having a baby crisis and I was needed. Oh well. Esther will have to wait.
So get this. I'm half way home (less than ten minutes after the initial phone call). HOME again. Hello? He's asleep now. Well, great. I'm not turning around, nope, not with gas prices these days. So I went home and while children slept I finished reading the Love Languages book (which is great, I highly recommend it!), so at least my time was fruitful and I didn't deplete the ozone more than I had to.
:o) That was my boring day, how about yours?
Friday, August 17, 2007
A friend of mine just forwarded another blog site to me of one of her friends who is going through a hard time right now. She's pregnant and her baby has some pretty severe birth defects. I can't imagine going through this and how worried she must be. It just reminds me to thank God every day for my two healthy, beautiful children. Even though my situation can't possibly compare to hers, it does remind me of when the doctors told me when I was pregnant with Punky not to expect a viable pregnancy. With my history and my hormone issues, it was very possible she wouldn't make it. Well, she did. And she was healthy and she's now 18 months old and one smart cookie. Not to mention I have a son, too. I guess the bottom line is that this woman should be thankful for the gift of life and know that God has his reasons for all this. Its not up to us to question why or how, but to accept what he's given us and make the best of it.
If you would like to read her blog and send her some messages of encouragement, here is the link: http://myobaby.blogspot.com/
On a happier note, my sister in law who just got married is coming to visit this weekend and we get to show her their wedding pictures (which turned out BEAUTIFUL!). I'm so excited and wish the Hubby would take it up as a professional hobby instead of a fun one. We could make some serious money! Maybe one day when the kiddos are a little older we can.
Talk at you next time!
Thursday, August 9, 2007
Now don't get me wrong. I love, Love, LOVE my career as a full time mom and wife. I went through quite a lot to get here and even as a little girl all I wanted to be (besides a pop rock star) was a Mommy. And to hear those two precious syllables come out of my 18 month old daughter's mouth as her chubby little legs pump up and down as she comes running to me is heaven. And the smile that lights up her usually solemn face just melts my heart. I'm telling you there's just nothing like it.
And that's just my daughter.
My son is 5 months old (yes, close your mouth I realize that's only 13 months apart and to answer the burning "What was I thinking" question...well...obviously I wasn't.). My son (newly dubbed Chicken Little because he looks just.like.chicken.little.) can light up the whole room with his smile. He smiles frequently when he simply looks at me or his father. Such a startling contrast to his sister (whom I refer to as Punky). He's a fat little Chicken but such a cute one I can't help but smile every time I look at him.
God has truly blessed me.
But anyway, now that I've proved my point about not hating my day job, I do hope I can find something a little fun to do on here and enjoy the community.
BTW, I'm also a closet writer in my spare time. I got my first rejection from an agent a few months back and - can you believe - was actually thrilled? First of all because I had a 6 week old baby at the time I submitted the work and a four month old when I got rejected. No way, no how could I have had the time to even submit a full request, much less write as a secondary career? There goes that question again, huh? What was I thinking, right? Ha. I, again, wasn't.
But I do still hope one day I can get back into the swing of things and enjoy writing again. It's certainly a passion of mine and something I would absolutely love to do full time...when my kids are old enough for me to justify it. I mean, I quit my job for a reason, you know? To raise my children, not to start a new career from scratch. I'm giving them what no other person on this earth can give them and that's me at home everyday to love them and cherish them. And with homeschooling only a few years away, THAT will be my new career from scratch. I will suddenly be an Elementary school teacher. Should've finished that degree I started a few years back, doggone it.
What was I thinking?