Thursday, August 30, 2007


Ok, so this is the time I love yet hate. I can FEEL fall in the air. I don't care if you're a skeptic and argue with me that it's 100 degrees outside and there's no way I can feel fall. Well, tough, I do.

This time of year always makes me reminiscent of football season. I was a band nerd. I played flute and was drum major for the last two years of high school. My mother always argued with me that those were the best times of my life. Perhaps not the BEST, because I would consider marrying Hubby and having Punky and Chicken the best, but it was certainly the funnest time of my life. I enjoyed every ballgame, every bus ride, every band competition. I loved meeting new people and having nothing short of a circus around me during those times. I absolutely loved to go out for a ride through the mountains with the windows down and music blaring during this time of year. And when I'm honest with myself, I felt really good about myself and how I looked.

Obviously when we get married and have kids, gain about 40 pounds (20 of which are finally gone thanks to Punky!), you don't really want the attention anymore. Especially when you go from getting really hot guys in high school and college giving you loads of attention (like hubby!) to driving down the road some 40 pounds heavier and the only thing that looks your way is some odd looking THING that's about 50 years old, has two teeth and is trying to flirt with you while hanging out of his construction vehicle going down the interstate. Yes, I decided THAT DAY I wanted to become invisible forever. But I digress...

In High school, I was miserable. I couldn't wait to get out, go to college, get married, having kids, etc., etc. Looking back, it was still fun, even if it was hard emotionally. I tend to wish my life away I've discovered. These days, I think if I can just get Punky to 2 years old, we'll be home free. Or, if Chicken could just get his tooth in, things will be fine. If I could just lose 25 more pounds... Everyday there is one thing I'm looking forward to being over.

But what about now? I thank God everyday for my children. I think I've made that clear, but I do still tend to wish them older or wish for circumstances that will take awhile to achieve. I'm doing what I did in high school. Today, I realized that 20 years from now I'll be wishing my kids were little again. I'll be thinking that these were the greatest times of my life, and 20 years from now i'll be waiting for something else to be over. I want to enjoy TODAY and I will...starting TODAY.

So I started all this talk about high school, right? Well, that's what started it. I barely slept last night (compliments of a new book idea running through my head) and I had a lot of time to think about things and how I'm really tired of waiting for something to happen instead of making it happen. High school was a fun time when I felt somewhat good about myself and who I was. I've decided that I'm losing that 25 pounds I want gone. I've decided instead of trudging through the day in a stay-at-home-mom fog, I'm getting up, getting a shower, even *gasp* putting on makeup (Ok, maybe not everyday but the days I feel the worst) and getting things back the way I want them to be with ME. I know Hubby is tired of hearing me complain about myself, so I'm not going to have anything to complain about. I'm losing that doggone weight if it kills me! (And not eating brownies just might!)

I don't want to BE in high school again, I want to FEEL like I did then. And I know I can. I might even grow my hair out again. :o)

1 comment:

Stephanie Massey said...

Go Steph!! I went through this not that long ago. Live every day to the fullest is not just a saying. You can never get back the time that passes. So . . . make the most of everyday and most importantly, be happy with yourself. If you feel good about yourself and make a point to have even the bad days be good days, then your life will be full of wonderful memories and your children will have a wonderful example of how to make the most of the time they have on this earth. ;-)