Monday, November 24, 2008

Oil and Water

Remember hubby's task of getting all his new job prospects to give him the most money?  Well, his current place of employment wanted him so bad they BEAT the offer by $1100!!!  So now we're going to be around $1000 richer every month and will make for a lot less stress!

So I decide upon hearing the news that I must celebrate by buying new clothes.  After giving birth to Cupcake, everything has shifted to places that I didn't know I had and nothing fits right.  It sucks.  I must have tried on 50 shirts.  That's all I really needed until I lose the rest of my weight (which will have to be after the first of the year, duh).

I slowly came to the realization that I just don't know what I should wear and no amounts of watching What Not to Wear will clue me in.  No one on that show has ever been shaped like me.  They use comparison of the apple vs the pear shape but they have NEVER EVER dealt with the Humpty Dumpty shape.  I'm not kidding, stop laughing.  Big boobs, big belly, sticks for limbs, flat butt, back fat that looks like your head is on backwards.  I mean, has anyone else in the history of the world been shaped as oddly as me?  Sure, you can say you are or know someone but I'll just flat out tell ya right now to get over yourself.  I've definitely got you beat.

I did find a couple of shirts that I thought would look good AFTER I bought that gut cinching corset that I'm convinced was three sizes too small even though it said XL (it's amazing how two little letters can be such a blow to your ego).  But apparently corsets don't actually get RID of your fat, it just squishes it somewhere else.  I didn't get the memo on that one.

I stood outside of Old Navy at our local "hip" hangout and observed people who looked to be around my age.  They wore their skinny jeans tucked in their cute little furry boots.  They wore layers that intimidated me that I would never be able to match up if my life depended on it.  They had cute accessories that I instantly loved on them but would hate on me.  But one thing that I did notice I had that blended in was the hip hair do.  My stylist is just simply amazing.  I got it cut Saturday morning before my shopping adventure and thought after getting it cut, it would somehow make clothes look better on me.  What was I thinking?  A t-shirt, jeans and tennis shoes does a cute bob stacked in the back a serious injustice.  I looked down right frumpy.

So even though I joked about it before, I realized this weekend with certainty I'm old.  Not necessarily physically, but mentally.  I'd rather spend the money on my kids than deal with having to figure out what I'm supposed to be wearing.  Looking stylish is work.  Women like OHMommy intimidates me with their stilettos and chic clothes.  I need those people to be my personal shoppers or at the very least give me a do and don't list.

Clothes and me?  Oil and water, baby.  


Krystyn said...

I need a personal shopper, too!

And, I would give a lot for hubby to make $1000 more a month. That would mean I could stay home instead of paying daycare to watch my kids!

Anonymous said...

That's funny, you are getting a huge pay raise and we are taking a $1400 pay cut. I am so excited for you guys and I am proud of you for trying to take care of yourself. I am with you on the personal shopper. My problem is I want to buy everything at 70% off. I rarely buy clothes at full price and unfortunately that is what it takes to find ones that fit and look somewhat stylish. We need Tracy. That's who we need. She helped me find some cute clothes several years ago. We found out today we will be official residents come New Year's weekend. Marc starts work in January. We are looking forward to moving on.

Mandy said...

That is awesome about hubby's job situation. Congrats!!

BTW I read where you are going to have to have surgery. We will be praying for you. :)

Stephanie said...

I would shop with you. It's my favorite hobby. Sometimes I get in trouble because I find too much that I like ;) Hehe!

That's a wonderful pay increase! Congrats!!

Jennifer Shirk said...

Oooh! That's great about he job!

(Also, you're in the crit group. I just have to figure out how to give you access. Bear with me. LOL)

Kimmylyn said...

That is so great about your husbands increase!!!!

And I hate clothes shopping.. I wish I could give you some advice..

OHmommy said...

So, when are we going? ;)